Even heart-target Bow Tie o’ the Day knows I post, post, post. And then I’m suddenly silent. I’ve done it before, but never in TIE O’ THE DAY history have I been post-less for nearly half a month. (Thanks for your patience.) With the exception of a short post on Mom’s birthday last week, that’s how long it’s been. And even more astounding is the fact that I purposely haven’t worn neckwear (this is an earlier photo) for that amount of time. Oh, the pigs are flying about that! I am simply not myself.
Usually when all’s quiet on the laptop it’s due to some bipolar thing, or connectivity issues while we’re vacationing. This time my silence has been part bipolar vortex and mostly existential crisis. I wore my spirit out, and I wanted to be un-me. I guess even I couldn’t handle my high-maintainance diva self. Thus, I haven’t worn neckwear, nor have I had the oomph to consider posting. I haven’t perked up to think of clashy fashion. I haven’t been clever or chatty. I haven’t restocked the fridge with Diet Coke. I have not had one story or sermon formulating in me to write. I have not offered to assist others. I have tried to be as un-me as I can be. What if the un-me is the best me? I don’t know if anyone has missed me and the neckwear that is so much a part of me, or not. I kinda haven’t missed myself, which tells you I’m not quite back to my normal. I’m the kind of person I and other people regularly need a vacation from. But trying to be a matchy, low-key me isn’t working all that effectively for me either. My “me” got pooped. What’s a me-gal to do?
Besides, we can’t really run from ourselves anyway, can we? I mean– really, escaping ourselves is one task we cannot possibly accomplish. But I’ve recently been trying to be un-me anyway, as I tried to do a couple of other times in my life. I’m sure you’ve tried to be un-you, too, at certain points in your existence. Yet here you are, right at this moment– you are most probably being inescapably you. Mr. Rogers and I are glad you are you. I’m trying to get back to being me, by creating this post. I’m pushing through it, but it’s tiring to be me.
Bottom line: I don’t think we need to change who we are, as much as we each need to continuously try to grow into a more glorious authentic self: a self that takes care of itself, in order to be strong enough to care for others without disappearing into exhaustion.
[Tune in tomorrow for PART TWO of this post, which will likely clarify what I’m trying to say.]