Meh

Every person should have these two things: A headlamp and a cork Bow Tie o’ the Day. I keep a headlamp on my nightstand, just in case I want to read in the middle of the night, and I’m too lazy to get up out of bed to turn on the light. Mostly, I don’t want to wake up Suzanne with mega light lighting up the whole bedroom like a UFO landing. With a headlamp, I can illuminate the book and nowhere else. Those little book lights you clip on your book are cute gadgets, but they don’t really work. Why we all need a cork bow tie is something I can’t answer except to say it sounds like a snazzy thing to have. I can attest that it is. Blah, blah, blah. I’m kinda blithering on about nothing this morning because my head and heart aren’t into doing this post. Sorry about that, but yesterday was the first post-surgery day that I’ve been discouraged. Oh, nothing happened. I simply felt like I will never get better, and I’ll be stuck in tired-and-always-in-the-house mode. Don’t get me wrong. I know how lucky I’ve been with this whole pancreas endeavor. My surgeon was one of the best in the country. The surgery itself went perfectly. Suzanne’s boss encouraged her to leave/miss work whenever I needed her to help me. My recovery has been right on schedule. Neither extreme of my bipolarity has kicked in. Suzanne gifted me a reclining loveseat. I recognize all these things as my blessings. But for 24 hours now, I’ve pouted inside myself– and a little bit at Suzanne after she got home from work yesterday. I’ve been mad at myself for needing the surgery that has pretty much ruined my summer. And I feel bad it’s ruined Suzanne’s summer, despite the fact that she says it hasn’t. No worries. I know I’ll snap out of it– maybe by this afternoon’s post. I hope so, for your sake. Ain’t nobody got time for this.