Bow Tie o’ the Day and Tie o’ the Day remind me that my growing-out-my-hair situation could be worse than it is. I could have no hair at all. Personally, I think these bald skulls look pretty wocka-wocka in Santa hats.
Seriously, I want to shave my head again– after I’ve grown it out this one last time. I’ve shaved it twice in my life. The first time, I did it in the late 80’s. I liked it. But it was in Utah, so it didn’t go over all that well at the time.
I was fine with being a hairless outsider. But soon after I shaved my noggin, Suzanne and I were on the sidewalk in front of ZCMI, and some dude had to be tough and rude about my bald head. I actually felt like we were in danger. And all because of my apparently world-ending bald head. When I’ve ended up in that kind of situation, I’ve always been able to deal with it. But it wasn’t fair that my hairlessness put Suzanne in danger. No matter how much I liked my no-hairs head, I would not do that to her again. I kept my head hatted until my hairs grew out enough to be non-threatening to the status quo.
Flash forward to the early 2000’s, when my Delta hairdo-er, Miss Sandy, did me the honor of shaving my head, as per my request. I figured times had changed a bit in Utah, and the whole state would be ready for my shiny head. I was, in fact, relatively safe and rarely mocked– especially in Delta, where no one dared to hassle Dad’s baby girl.
But clearly, I didn’t keep my head shaved. When I shaved it that second time, Suzanne said NO MORE BALDY. According to her, my head isn’t shaped right to have a bald head. The shape of my head didn’t seem to bother her in 1986. She liked it back then. But I’m not going to argue with Suzanne. She puts up with so much of my comedy malarkey, the least I can do is keep my misshapen head all furred up and hidden from her and from the unsuspecting world.
HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 60 Bow ties. 125 Neckties.