Yes, it’s Christmas mid-morning. And we all know what that means: Suzanne still hasn’t gotten her festive arse out of bed. It also means I woke up Skitter; dragged her downstairs, where I wrapped a red bow and gold-glittered antlers around her; and put her Santa hat on her tired head, at which time she said, “To heck with this. I’m going back to sleep.”
But was I going to let the contagion of everybody’s early-morning exhaustion get in my Christmas way? No, sir. I crowned my head with cheesy holiday antlers– with lights on ’em, which don’t work. I suited up in my ostentatious Jolly Guy jacket, even throwing a Christmas-y handkerchief in its pocket.
And why did I do all this, despite my own hankering to make a bigly commotion which will wake Suzanne so she’ll bah humbug-ly descend the stairs, so I can finally open my presents? I did it for you. Yes, I did. I did it so you could have a Bow Tie o’ the Day X-mas present waiting for you on your screen after you recover from the early morning wrapping paper tornado that flew through your living room.
HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 91 Bow ties. 167 Neckties. Don’t worry. We’re not done with the count just quite yet.