Double-check Your Feast Supplies

A bit about Ties o’ the Day, from left to right:

1. Thaw the turkey, folks. And if you don’t have a dead turkey to cook by now, you better go out and slay one for Tgiving dinner. Your guests expect a dead, cooked turkey.

2. Here are some yellow forks on a pink background to remind us to get the silverware polished up, washed, and ready for use at tomorrow’s feast. Chopsticks work too.

3. I love this clever tie covered in deviled eggs– pitchfork and horns included. Deviled eggs are tasty appetizers for the pre-dinner stand-around-talking part of the day. They are also a welcome thing to serve during the Tgiving football games.

4. This tie tricked me. When I first met it, I thought it was covered in Santa hats. Nope. Those are red Solo cups, which you might need tomorrow because the hoard of eaters at your house will each end up using at least two glasses. People tend to set down their drinking glasses o’ whatever drink you’re serving, then they forget which cup is theirs. They just go get another drinking glass, and VOILA! Soon, the good ones are all dirty. Don’t you dare waste time washing cups during your holiday. Pull out a tall stack of red Solo cups, and relax with your family and/or friends. Or ex-family. Or enemies. Or frenemies. Or whoever you invited to your gathering.

One Thanksgiving when I lived in Maryland, my ex and I were broke. We could have gone without a Thanksgiving dinner, without being too upset about it. But when you’ve got a kid, you can’t let a holiday slide. That’s just how it is: You can go without for yourself, but there ain’t no way you’re gonna make your kid do without. You do the best you can to make sure your kid gets some version of what a kid is supposed to have.

I scraped together the bucks I could and took myself to Safeway. I managed to afford to throw together a facsimile of a traditional Tgiving feast. Here’s what I cooked: two turkey legs (My ex and I shared one.); powdered mashed potatoes (I couldn’t afford the gravy.); Stovetop stuffing– made without butter; Pillsbury frozen biscuits; and orange Jello.

The highlight of the meal was the canned cranberry. We gathered around the card table while Devon shook the open can until it made the sucking noise which meant the cranberry was on its way out of the can to hit the plate and wobble. That was a highlight, as evidence by years of laughter about it.

Being broke can have its little joys, if you take the time and imagination to create them. I remember that particular Thanksgiving with fondness. We made it a fine day, which made the meal seem fabulous. We did not, however, have any leftovers.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 38 Neckties.