Category: wisdom

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And A Good Time Was Had By All, Except Skitter

Skittles Bow Tie o’ the Day accompanied us to my thrilling birthday evening at BAMBARA, for a bass and scallops dinner, and then to the Capitol Theater for an opera doubleheader of PAGLIACCI and GIANNI SCHICCHI. I chose the Skittles bow tie because some people take “high culture” too seriously. A hint of clashy levity in your formal fashion tells others that although you’re at a sophisticated event, you’re here to be art-edified AND have a blast. Suzanne looks smashing. And I look like the circus I am. 🤡 🎪 🤹‍♀️

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Notice Them, And Thank Them. Everywhere.

Bow Tie o’ the Day celebrates International Women’s Day, which shouldn’t be just one day. It should be a 24/7, 365 party. Alkaline battery Cufflinks o’ the Day remind us to thank and honor the energized women around us, who care for us and build us up throughout our lives. These women are so constantly present that we sometimes forget to appreciate them. It seems as if sometimes we don’t even see them in the foreground/background, helping and encouraging us to become stupendous, moral, fascinating people. See them. 👁

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Where Does The Tie-m Go?

Bow Tie o’ the Day asked me what I want for my upcoming birthday. When anyone asks what I want, I always say, “A non-flaming pancreas”– instead of my actual Hanky Panky. But really, I’m a lucky gal. I already have everything I need and want. I don’t mind getting older, but when I estimate how much longer I will likely live, I know it’s not enough time for me. I have people to love, and love to receive. And I have ties to nurture.❣ 👔

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Trees Can Bear Fruit, But Can’t Grow Interest

Bow Tie o’ the Day tidied the house, and discovered our money tree died. The tree was a got-hitched gift four years ago. I thought I couldn’t kill this plant, but I did. I insist we don’t use the money to purchase any kind of living or inanimate greenery. I’m thinking we oughta buy either a new dryer or a sailboat. Suzanne gets seasick, but not dryer sick, so I can guess which thing she’ll vote for. Her vote’s the one that counts. She’s our Electoral College. 🤢 ⛵

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Like Gravity, This Is A Scientific Law

This is what transpires every time Bow Tie o’ the Day and I go shopping at JoAnn’s with Suzanne: She says she just needs one thing, so I go inside with her and look around. And then her cart keeps filling up, and I can see it’s gonna take some bigly time. I go wait in the car, where I listen to Wilco or The National or P!nk, while eating licorice, and snapping pix for TIE O’ THE DAY. She takes even longer at Mom’s Crafts. 🛒 🙄

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Can You Spell “Leprechaun”?

It’s the green neckwear’s fave time of year. Tie o’ the Day begins our meandering to St. Paddy’s Day, and my Hat o’ the Day lends a hand. Feel the verdant clash happen! If you haven’t driven across Ireland, you must go. If you like tasting a multitude of beers, you REALLY must go. Irish cuisine is horrible, but I don’t recommend you fast for your entire vacation. Instead, I recommend you eat Banoffee Pie every meal. It’s basically layers of bananas, chocolate, and toffee. Yummerful! 🍌 🍫 🍽

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Ain’t Nuthin’ Wrong With That

Tie o’ the Day is a clever masterpiece: a plywood tie. I call it my white trash/redneck tie. When I lived back East, I noticed a certain snootiness some people had towards the West. It was, like all prejudice, a bias formed out of ignorance. They hadn’t been there, and they didn’t know any Westerners. I learned to embrace my “redneck-ness” and my small-town-ness. I set them straight. And the first thing I did when I moved back to Delta? Threw a mattress on my front porch. 🛏 🤠

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I’m A Hungry Hermit

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I discovered we need to make a grocery list. I don’t go grocery shopping until I absolutely have to, and the fridge and pantry are bare. Almost. In the fridge’s bottom compartment, sits one lonely, perfect package of Johnsonville Stadium Brats. In honor of Cufflinks o’ the Day, we’re ecstatic the brats are truly the only food left. See, now we can each eat two or three of them without guilt. Healthy food is for tomorrow. And tomorrow never really exists. 🌭

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Somebody’s Gotta Do The Housework For The Ties

Here’s a two-fer! Tie o’ the Day and Lapel Pin o’ the Day are the same. Classic split personality, aka Dissociative Identity Disorder. When cleaning toilets and baseboards, wear as short a tie as possible. You don’t want the tail end of your tie swimming in the potty, and you don’t want it skating across grimy baseboards. If a long tie is underfoot when changing ceiling air filters, you’re in bigly danger. Wearing bow ties is safe for doing housework. Tie/Pin is even less treacherous. And sillier. 🚽 😜

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Eating A Steak Is Not As Uncomplicated As You Think

I grabbed my trusty, heavy iron skillet Cufflinks o’ the Day so we can cook up a steak. There are rules about eating steak, and the numero uno rule is that you must drink Diet Coke when you’re eating one. Yes, it is too a rule! Lo and behold, Tie o’ the Day discovered we’re soooo out of Diet Coke. We must hie to Dick’s Market to buy a bunch. Some rules are breakable without throwing the world into chaos. But the Diet-Coke-with-steak rule isn’t one of them. 🐄