Category: Ties

This bee-covered CHAPS (Bow) Tie o’ the Day #1 is enamored with these plastic lovebirds, which hang in a cage crafted by my Dad’s mom–the late, great, elegant Momo.  I felt this was a sign that I needed to have The Talk with all the ties and bow ties, so we have been having a little discussion about the in’s and out’s (no pun intended😉) of the birds and the bees. They have been paying rapt attention, cuz–let’s face it–it’s an interesting subject.

In case you want to craft this artistic piece, note that the cage materials include hangers, styrofoam, plastic flowers, and tulle (net fabric). And don’t forget the plastic lovebirds. Momo sure did know her craft stuff.✂️

(Bow) Tie o’ the Day managed to get away from me for a couple of minutes while we were watching the news at The Pub this evening. Tie managed to wrangle a patron into a game of darts, which ultimately resulted in this tiny WARDROBE MALFUNCTION. Thus, Tie experienced a minor injury, but a bigly major embarrassment. No more 🍻for any o’ my ties, bow or otherwise. Got🥛?

Now I get to be pampered. Tie o’ the Day #1 is chauffeuring me around, giving me a break from all the driving I do. Amazingly, Tie can drive a stick! Such talent. Note the ripped driver’s seat, and the inch of dust everywhere in the cab. When you have an old truck which you drive on gravel roads, you must NEVER clean the truck–inside or out. It is sacrilegious to have a clean truck in the desert. I don’t know how well my truck will fit in up here in the big city, but I’m still not gussy-ing it up. On the inside of the passenger window, you can still see nose smudges from the dog of my life, Araby. And Araby left the earth four years ago. I will never clean that window, no matter what. And I will never sell my ancient truck–because of Araby’s window. 🐶

Tie o’ the Day #2 (a pierre cardin) makes it clear: I am obsolete! Tie seems to be trying to overthrow me as the creator and author o’ TIE O’ THE DAY. And on top of that, Tie is a better typist than I am! But hey, I can share. I play well with others. And I play especially well with neckwear. So I guess if Tie wants to make a tblog post every so often, I can be down with that. It’s all good in the tie-hood. 👒

To wear Tie o’ the Day #1 properly with a tank top, you must wear a collar. To create a separate collar, simply cut a collar off a button-down shirt you decide you hate. The collar should be a loud one, so you can keep in line with the clash fashion you’re trying to achieve, I mean–it should clash with any tie and/or shirt you don. Another reason you must wear a collar is cuz you don’t want to get skin oils or sweat on Tie–especially since you will be sweaty in the summer heat. See, Tie O’ The Day is an educational website. 🎓

“Oops! I didn’t know you were in here, Tie o’ the Day #2! My bad! Feel free to read that Bruce Springsteen autobiography on the tank. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I do. Bruce has an intelligent vocabulary. And I promise you, Tie: Next time I’ll knock.”

 

So I come home from the post office an hour ago, and guess who I see knocking on our front door? Yup, it’s the LDS missionaries’ neckwear. Apparently, the ties had heard about my website and were quickly converted. They then had a burning desire to guest star on Tie O’ The Day! (Guest ties are always welcome to be on the tblog.) And I have no doubt that the missionary ties will be successful as they share the Tie gospel around the entire world.

 

This bigly generous IZOD Tie o’ the Day (#2) took one for the team. I didn’t have time to go to the grocery store this afternoon, and I didn’t have anything to fix for dinner. In loyal tie fashion, Tie sacrificed itself for the family’s nourishment. Guess what? Tastes like chicken! Har, har, har! 😁🙃🤣

I wasn’t peeping on Tie o’ the Day #1. I simply entered the bathroom to brush my teeth, and this is what I saw: Tie in the shower. Tie is going through early menopause, and the hot flashes are troubling her bigly. It seems she was just taking one of her daily two or three cold showers to help her get through these trying times. 😰

As a veteran wearer o’ ties, I can testify that a too-tight Tie o’ the Day is a pain in the neck. (Har, har, har.) The way to correct that is to…and here’s the revelation…LOOSEN YOUR TIE. Better yet, re-tie it to your own comfort level. Please explain to me why the makers of ties think we need “expandable” ties and ties that “flex.” Are the expandable ties for when we eat too much and our necks immediately get fat before we can loosen our ties? Do the flex ties have muscles to show off?

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