I threw on my dog bones Bow Tie o’ the Day, and we all took a Sunday drive to Deltabama yesterday to “visit” Mom. We delivered Mom some tasty goodies from us and from BT, and then Suzanne and Skitter and I stood outside Mom’s window in the cold—feeling warmed by the company through the window. As with every visit, Mom said hello to Skitter first. It is odd to be so close to Mom and yet have to speak to her by phone. Mom kept joking that our visit made her feel like she was in jail. I asked her if she had been hiding a prison record from us, because there’s no other way she could know what jail visitation is like. That made her cackle up a joyous storm.
Mom is doing well, despite her pandemic time in solitary. Whenever I speak to her on the phone, she is generally in her normal happy spirits. But I still have to see it for myself on occasion—even if it is only through a care center window.
BTW Mom sends her regards to y’all. She often refers to my TIE O’ THE DAY readers as “the tie people who sent me birthday cards for my 90th.” Thanks again, for doing that.
One of the gifts I gave Suzanne for Christmas was this Ruth Bader Ginsburg puzzle, on which we see Justice Ginsburg’s face created from the words of some of her most noteworthy dissents. Well, Suzanne set the puzzle out last week, and has been hunched over it every evening since. It was a tough puzzle. I’ve never seen Suzanne be so puzzled about a puzzle before. She labored diligently, and finally finished it last night. She said to me, upon her successful completion of the RBG puzzle, “I better see this puzzle in a TIE O’ THE DAY post.” Her proud exasperation made my orders clear, so here it is. Bow Tie o’ the Day salutes Suzanne’s puzzle prowess.
[This post is from August 2017. I hate to belabor the point, but I’m tired of the cold already. This photo makes me feel a bit warmer.]
Date Night at Lagoon, chaperoned by Bow Tie o’ the Day. Suzanne wore her motion sickness patch, so we could ride the roller coasters and spinning rides. And every now and then we all need an evening of eating horrible, bad-for-you food. We found this tooth in Pioneer Village. Look at how much strength it took me to pull it from Sasquatch’s stinky mouth. I had to get flexy to accomplish the feat.
Note that I am wearing the smallest bow tie I have. It’s a safety matter when you’re near amusement park ride machinery.
Also note that I am wearing my Big, Fat, Ugly Shorts. They weigh 2.2 pounds, and have enormous pockets, making it possible to carry everything anyone might need when they’re out on an adventure.  Wearing them is like wearing a large purse. I’m a pack mule in them.  👛 🎠 🎡 🎢
I posted last week that my very first brother-in-law, Kent, was turning the bigly 70-damn-5. Here are a few pix of our brief visit to give him our eternal regards for joining the family in 1967, and for staying in the family for the duration. From then, until now, Kent has always hit our funny bones with his up-beat brand of cleverosity. His wisdom shows up wrapped in humor, as well. And his heart is wide open.
On Kent’s birthday, we threw The Skit in the car and drove up to his and BT’s abode in Pleasant View, where a day-long drive-by of honking horns bleated their birthday wishes to our Kent. We actually stopped in to hang for a little while in their garage, which was set up with socializing at pandemically social distances in mind. The libation served to birthday revelers was sparkling cider in the grooviest teensy bottles. A bigly and tall heater spread the heat. The present we gave Kent was one of Mom’s old HELEN W license plates, in honor of him christening all of Mom’s cars with the same title of “the Helenmobile,” probably starting as far back as the 70’s. I will not lie: We stole a masked hug or two from Nuk and Mercedes before we left.
I wore my lighted turkey hat for the occasion, as well as a holiday Tie o’ the Day covered in portraits of polar bears, Santa, and snowmen. Skitter’s Tie o’ the Day is an authentic mystery, and we’re open to any guesses you might have as to what the “thing” on Skitter’s tie is supposed to be. It appears to have a sort of snowman head. It has what might be strings of lights wrapped around its Christmas tree-like “body.” I think it might be a dinosaur of some kind, or maybe Godzilla. It does have a tail. Is it holding a baby who’s wearing a black hat? Seriously, what is this creature? Is it an icon from some cult? Is it a mascot for an octuple-A baseball team nobody’s ever heard of? I feel like I’m missing the punchline to a joke. Whatever it is, I like it cuz Skitter likes it.
Suzanne and I had some Christmas presents to deliver to Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette—and Gracie, too—so we drove to Provo a few days after Christmas, when the season had settled down for everyone. We and our Face Masks o’ the Day were treated to an hour of good—though mildly muffled—conversation with Gracie’s parents, and a live performance of The Gracie Show.
Skitter visited the Blackwelder’s with us. It was the first time Skitter and Grace had met, and their encounter was a success. Gracie was enamored with the mutt, and Skitter was willing to let Amazing Grace shower her with up-close, pokey, hands-on attention that only a kid can give. Skitter basked in it. In fact, I didn’t ever see Skitter vibrate around Grace. Well, I guess that’s not quite true. Gracie has a slide in her room, on which she performed amusing tricks for us. Skitter begged me to let her go down the slide a few times to impress The Divine Miss Grace. Of course, I helped Skitter be brave to accomplish the scary feat. Let me tell you, Skitter vibrated all the way down the slide three times, much to Gracie’s delight.
Bishopette Collette later texted that Grace talked about Skitter long after we had gone home. When Skitter heard that, she asked me to teach her to wink. She wanted me to snap a photo of her winking to send to Gracie, and said photo is included here.
BTW Holiday Tie o’ the Day was a hit with Grace. I showed Gracie how to turn on the reindeer’s flashing red nose and Christmas music by pushing the fire flames on the tie. She pushed it as many times as you’d expect a toddler to push a button that turned on a flashing red light and Christmas music. The battery was dead by the time we left. I loved every minute of the visit.
I’m sure you know the snowman/dog Tie o’ the Day is my fave of these Christmas tree-theme ties. It’s also refreshing to see decked-out cacti and palm trees. Even the table-top tree is represented with the Christmas tree-in-a-red-Solo-cup, on the darkest blue tie. Santa’s lugging his tree home.Thanks for the 7th Anniversary wishes yesterday. I relayed them to Suzanne, and she sends her thanks too. I know I said I would regale y’all today with the details of our celebration, but our schedule had to change at the last minute, so we won’t be finished with what I had planned until next week. We had a splendid day together anyway, as per every day. I’ll update you as soon as our anniversary mission is accomplished.
7 years ago, we were finally able to get legally hitched. The minute we could, we did. Our very own American Gothic—here we are now! Some people believe in guardian angels. I believe our guardian angels are winged pigs in flight, and I appreciate each one hovering over us.
I’m taking today off for our 7th Anniversary, but I will post our celebration exploits tomorrow.
Here’s a 1-Bow Tie, 5-Tie o’ the Day salute to my dad’s mom, who we’ve always affectionately referred to as Momo. (The Santa-hatted Scottie dog bow tie is one of my all-time faves.) I have continually been in awe of Momo’s unending crafty creativity. She could make anything out of anything.
Here are what I believe to be her two most famous Christmas tree ornaments: milkweed pod renditions of the Nativity scene. The two white critters at the foot of the three-pod ornament are lambs. I particularly like the golden deer/dog at the bottom of the one-pod ornament. (You should see the dog she included in her diorama version of the Garden of Eden!) I do not know exactly when Momo created these ornaments, but I remember them hanging on her Christmas tree annually, in even my earliest memories—so they are at least 50 years old. They are so fragile that I rarely bring them out for public viewing. I cannot dust them for fear the glue that holds everything in its place will break. Occasionally, I find that a component of an ornament has fallen out of its pod place. I do my best to re-glue it to its authentic spot.
Anyhoo…Last week, Suzanne came home from work and said, “We’re having an office contest for Most Interesting Christmas Tree Ornament on our tree. Can I take those ornaments Momo made?” Momo made many X-mas tree ornaments, but few still exist. Of course, I knew precisely which ornaments she meant, and I knew their whereabouts. Despite the fact that I rarely say NO to Suzanne, I seriously ruminated over her request for hours before coming to a decision. Suzanne was allowed to take them to her office only after I issued a Special Dispensation, and made her sign a lengthy contract in which she promised to guard them with her life, as if she was a member of the Secret Service and they were POTUS. Guess which ornaments won the competition, hands-down? I knew they would be victorious in any ornament contest. Why? Because Momo made them. GAME OVER.
Bow Tie o’ the Day is a jolly red and green plaid diamond point. Meanwhile, back at the Tie Ranch in the Tie Room, I found these four Ties o’ the Day to represent four things I want for Christmas, but I know I have zero chance of receiving. First, I know I’m not getting a trip to anywhere with palm trees for X-mas this year. I won’t be wearing any of my Hawaiian shirts. I will have to content myself with mere memories of my feet in sand and surf from vacations o’ the past. Maybe next year.
I also will not be attending any bigly parties where the guests are plenty and the music is louder than any ear should be subject to hearing. Maybe in a few months.
Also, the cats-in-Santa-hats Tie reminds Skitter and me that we aren’t going to receive a kitty—ever. Suzanne has let us know that she is forever done with litter boxes and dustings of cat fur in the house. Suzanne can barely deal with evidence a dog lives with us. When we had three dogs at one time, years ago, I thought Suzanne would have to go into therapy in order to deal with her dogs-in-the-house problem. Fortunately, she survived that herd. She knows I will probably always have a dog around, but one dog is about as far as Suzanne can bend without her skull imploding. She liked having cats until 15 years ago, when she suddenly didn’t like it anymore. She’s now declared herself to be done with felines for the rest of her life, which means I have to be done forever with felines in the house too—which means Skitter will never know the wondrous irritations and annoyances of having a kitty sibling.
Lastly, motorcycle Tie reminds me I will not be receiving a motorcycle for Christmas. Suzanne is adamant that I am not to be riding such a machine. She didn’t mind that I had a motorcycle in the 80’s when we met, but as we get older, she is more and more concerned that I don’t take risks I don’t have to. She is petrified that I might die before she does, so I try to be safe. Maybe I won’t buy her a material object for Christmas. I’ll just tell her I’m giving her the gift of not pestering her for a motorcycle anymore.
I meant to post on Thanksgiving Day, but the fooding surprise strategy I chose was biglier than I originally planned. Even though I was feeding only myself and Suzanne for the feast, I had decided to make T-giving dinner last the whole day. Every few hours, I made and served one component of the meal. Our first menu item was—of course—Mom’s famous cheese bread, which we ate with greasy paws until all that was left of it was the foil upon which it had been baked. About three hours later, I waddled over to the crockpot to dish up the T-giving bird, which was not turkey. Instead of roasting the traditional fowl, I marinated and slow-cooked each of us a Cornish game hen. The hens certainly look like Munchkin turkeys. They are so tiny that it takes a long time to eat the meat off the teensy bones. But the birds were yummy. And do you know what? They tasted like chicken! Even Skitter said so.
A couple of hours later, it was time to pillage some stuffing. And in a few hours more, it was time for candied yams. Soon, it was 7:00 PM—time for the Zoom gathering with all the families in Suzanne’s family. It was fab to see everyone, and I thought it was a fun way to handle our little Thanksgiving-during-a-pandemic. I hope we only have to do it once, though. (A friend’s father died from COVID-19 the day before Thanksgiving, which reinforced our decision to stay home and not get together with our loved ones in person. Too many people close to us here have the virus and are so sick right now. #wearthedangmask)
I planned to cook more dishes Thursday evening, but we were too full, so I pledged to cook the rest of our T-giving meal components on Friday, which I did. We began Friday by finishing the stuffing and yam leftovers. We began anew later, with some salty turkey bacon. After a few hours, I broke out a round of pickled beets. And later still, I served up tater tots in lieu of traditional mashed potatoes. We crowned our all-day Friday Thanksgiving dinner with a pumpkin pie stand-in of Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake flavor Red Button ice cream, as well as Red Button’s Cranberry White Chocolate flavor ice cream. No, I did not make green jello or funeral potatoes. Seriously, I don’t know how I ever thought I could cram the cornucopia o’ meal courses into just one official Thanksgiving day.
We still haven’t been hungry enough to open the cranberry sauce yet. We’ll get to that soon, I’m sure, cuz it just ain’t the feast holidays until you hear the suck of the jellied cranberry blob being expelled from the can.
