Suzanne gets the Billy Bob Thornton BAD SANTA Bow Tie o’ the Day Award today. A few years ago, I posted a photo of this same sealed box, on which Suzanne had so elegantly scribbled the “detailed” contents. I simply want you to know— in case you’ve wondered— Suzanne still has not yet opened the holiday box, let alone gone through its mysterious trinkets and decor. The sad box sits quietly on a top shelf in the garage, lonely, counting down the years until Suzanne finds time to set its contents free and determine their fate.
But Bow Tie o’ the Day and I are not touching Suzanne’s holy fabric scissors. They are right behind me, next to the sewing machine in Suzanne’s Ultimate SewingBox. I’m not touching them. I’m not thinking about touching them. I’m certainly not using them to cut anything. I’m not even looking at them straight on. I only look at them with my peripheral vision. I would never even snap a photo of them. The flash might disturb them in their precious fabric scissor sleep. And I sure as heck don’t get this close to ’em if Suzanne’s in the room. That would make her too nervous. But do you know what’s funny? Suzanne had no problem with me holding the fabric scissors when I stood in line at JOANN to pay for them.
It happened: Suzanne left me. And I’m buying alcohol. It’s all true. But it’s only true in the sense that Suzanne left me to spend the weekend in Mesquite with her Champagne Garden Club Girls, for their annual Christmas bash. Spouses were invited, but my stoopid bipolar brain needed a quiet weekend at home. Sometimes it’s too people-y out in the world— even when they’re my fave people. Suzanne will be back home tomorrow.
And it’s also true I’m buying alcohol, but I have not tumbled off the proverbial wagon. I’m stocking up for Suzanne. I noticed her wine stash is depleted, and replenishing the wine inventory is part of my housewifery jobs. She’s not a bigly drinker, so I only have to make a liquor store run 3-4 times a year. I figured I should stock up ASAP since it’s so close to Christmas, which means exponentially growing herds, gaggles, bands, covens, and crowds at the liquor store with each passing day. I can now cross the “intoxicating spirits” errand off my list until probably February.
The photos show— among other things— how the weather changed on me while I was in the liquor store. It wasn’t snowing when I arrived, but it was dropping snow pellets on me and pine-cone-and-holly Bow Tie o’ the Day a few minutes later when I got back into Vonnegut Grace Vibe. The snow “storm” lasted exactly 45 seconds and caused 1 wreck in the parking lot. This is Utah, people! Snow happens. It is not a sign of the apocalypse. Just slow down. Pay attention. Panic is not required.
In the liquor store, I also snapped pix of some amusing beverages I ran across but had no reason to buy. We here at TIE O’ THE DAY thought you’d be amused too.
In the cartoon, Linus’ baby blue blanket around the base of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree gave it the love it needed to become its best tree-self. Around our house, Chuck Brown’s X-mas tree thrives by being wrapped in Tie o’ the Day’s rendition of the famous tree.
Skitter and I are especially hoping this tree photo will nudge Suzanne into getting our “real” fake Christmas tree into the house. She has said absolutely nothing about a tree this year, and the tree is her assignment. Skitter and I hope this post will remind her we’re on the countdown to Christmas Day, and we’d like the bling of a decked out tree ASAP. Hint, hint.
I’m swamped with holiday gotta-do’s today. I’m finding no time to settle down to create a new post, so here are a few photos for y’all to check out, from December 2017. I ho, ho, hope you are delighted by them.
All the red-and-white, including candy cane Bow Tie o’ the Day, is telling me something. I’m not sure, but I think I’m feeling it’s time to make a drive to Delta to see my fave Delta Rabbit— Mom. That is always on my to-do list, as is “eat ice cream.”
The ice cream recommendations you saw here on this morning’s post seemed to hit their marks. I saw the comments. I heard the chatter. I fully expect some of you will be making an extra trip to the grocery store. Here’s Red Button Eggnog flavor to write on your list.
While you’re at the store in the ice cream section, I will be spending some time going through the pantry to make some space for actual pantry-type items. It was the ice cream containers I used for photos this morning which set me on this task. I’m sure you can’t imagine me doing it, but I save all sorts of “props” for possible TIE O’ THE DAY photos. I had saved a dozen or so empty ice cream containers of flavors I might want to recommend. I try to keep my “props” in The Tie Room, but the room— like June, in the song— is bustin’ out all over. Thus, about a dozen empty ice cream containers have been piling up for months in the pantry. My Big Gulp, 100-oz mini-kegs are in there too. There’s a fire extinguisher; 2 full bottles of generic NyQuil, which expired in 2014; 6 never-opened phone books, sent to our front door from all over the entire Wasatch Front; my personal drinking glasses; and Mom’s red-and-white apron she wore when she was a cook at Delta High School in the late 60’s.
Cases of Suzanne’s store-bought special water fill most of the pantry shelves. It’s not “special water” like the vodka you used to try to sneak into concerts and football games. No, it’s just the only kind of flavored, bottled water Suzanne will drink. And she truly loves her special water.
If I really crane my neck to look in the back corner on the pantry floor, I can see a can of Green Giant green beans. Its label has come unglued with expiration and it hangs, curled, partly off to the side of the can. I suppose 1 can is adequate proof there could have been a whole food pyramid of edibles in here at one point. I don’t remember that far back.
BTW Before you even ask: Yes, I will write a post about why my drinking glasses live in the pantry and not in the kitchen cupboards with all the other drinking glasses. Oh yes, there is a bigly story about that, and Suzanne won’t be happy I tell it. 🙀😱
After Suzanne went off whistling to work this morning, I dished out ice cream for breakfast. Holiday Tie o’ the Day is a bigly clue as to who helped me eat it. Skitter didn’t want to be in the actual photo, so Suzanne will never be able to stumble onto any visual proof she ate ice cream with me. We really can do whatever we want when Suzanne’s at work, as long as she doesn’t find out. Suzanne is kind of our year-round version of Elf on a Shelf. We are very, very, very good when she’s got her eye on us. My fear is that she will ask for indoor security cameras for X-mas, so she can keep track of me and Skitter from her work computer until she retires.
I get a kick out of my 3-D turkey tie. It is bulky, however, which makes it tough to eat safely and cleanly while wearing it, so I chose a pumpkin Bow Tie o’ the Day to wear for our Thanksfeasting. Last year, we tried BAMBARA’s T-giving buffet feast and it was a hit with our palates and tummies, so we made reservations for this year. It might become a tradition.
Suzanne’s parents’ plans to go out of town for Thanksgiving eats got doomed by weather at the last minute, so I called BAMBARA to see if they could fit two more people into our reservation. Fortunately, they were able to juggle things around and found the space for two more feasters. We picked up Suzanne’s parents and drove through the snow to BAMBARA, in SLC, to eat as much as our little bellies desired. As far as I’m concerned, the highlight of the entire spread was the Bacon & Blue Cheese Potato Squash Gratin. Fanciest. Scalloped. Potatoes. Ever.
BTW The cape I’m wearing in some of these post photos is the latest cape creation by Suzanne. Ain’t it cool beyond groovy?!
Hey, don’t forget today is National Candy Corn Day. Munch on, folks!
I found a hefty package sitting on my porch, and I knew it was the painting Suzanne bought for me when I found it in a gallery in Taos. I wanted to tear the package apart immediately, but I didn’t. Suzanne was at work, and I knew she’d want to be home when I opened my package. And then I realized that it would make Suzanne even happier if I let her open it for me. She likes to open gift. So I tied down my excitement for the rest of the day, but was often tempted to just open the damn thing myself. Of course, Suzanne worked late. I was dying a cruel death, as the painting lay inside its packaging mocking me from across the living room. Finally, I moved it into the closet with the hope Suzanne would be home oh, so very soon to open it up.
And then, when Suzanne finally got home, she tortured me further by opening my gift as slowly as possible. She enjoyed herself immensely. And Candy Corn Bow Tie On A Shelf o’ the Day supervised every minute of it.
I looked at hundreds of paintings in Taos, but this one entranced me. I wanted it to live with me until I die. There’s no explaining why a piece of art speaks so loudly to a soul. But if it does, it does. This one did. It is called “Blue House by the Golden Gate.” The pink and yellow remind me of spectacular Delta sunsets.
The artist, Pat Woodall, was working in his gallery where we found this. When he saw which painting I chose to own, he looked at me in whatever loud duds I was wearing, and then back at the painting, and said to me, “You’re not afraid of color.” Nope. Color does not frighten me one iota.
After Miss Tiffany cut our hairs Saturday afternoon, we took our new hairdos to Capitol Theater to act snooty at the ballet. It was opening night of Ballet West’s current offering, which consists of three short ballets. I wore a spiderweb Bow Tie o’ the Day for the occasion. Suzanne wore yet another necklace (turquoise!) I bought her in Taos with my malnourished wallet. As per usual, Candy Corn Bow Tie On A Shelf o’ the Day was a stowaway in The Saddle Purse for the evening.
Every so often, I feel like it’s my civic duty to go to the ballet. Ballet is amazing. The dancers always put up a gorgeous fight with gravity on the stage. I admire the whole production, including the orchestra most spectators can’t even see down there in the orchestra pit. Although the ballet is not something I feel the need to experience regularly, I do want to support it. Its awesomeness deserves to thrive. It’s my pleasure to buy tickets on occasion.
We need to make sure we appreciate things— especially the arts— for their incredibility, even if we aren’t “into” them. In fact, that pretty accurately explains why I do attend a ballet here and there: I go to the ballet to find wonder in its intricate strength and beauty, and I also go to the ballet to remind myself that it’s not one of my fave-rave ways to spend time. I’m a better person for attending, but it just ain’t my thing.
BTW Suzanne is very proud of the post photo in which she’s gazing at the ceiling— because it shows her inner nostril. I look just plain sinister in that same pic.
