Category: Suzanne

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Wasps Do Not Like Me, But They Love My Truck

Yesterday was packed with drama, so I knew my Madam Butterfly-inspired Bow Tie o’ the Day would be appropriate for today’s post pix. You can’t get much more dramatic and operatic than Madam Butterfly.

So here’s the scoop. Here’s the reason I can’t open my left eye, use my left thumb, or wear my right hearing aid. My truck has needed a new battery since before the pandemic began. For months my truck has been sitting in the front of our house, where we look longingly at each other every day. I’ve missed my old jalopy truck, so yesterday I called AAA and asked them to bring me a battery and install it. Easy enough. But no! The kindly masked AAA dude arrived, and we chatted about our business for a minute or two, and as I unlocked the truck door, a zillion angry wasps flew out of their nest inside the door—directly at my head. The hat I was wearing protected the top of my head. My face mask protected the lower part of my face. My left eye and my right ear were the pests’ two favorite targets. Both of them were each stung at least a half-dozen times. My left thumb got stung at lease three times.

Y’all know I grew up around bees, so I know how to not panic about swarms of insects flying in my direction. I know how to stand still and let them move past me. I do not pick fights with the likes of bees and wasps and hornets, because I am allergic to their stings. But yesterday, the wasps who set up condos inside my truck refused to play by the rules. They were out to get me. There was bigly carnage, and I was it. I decided to not go to the ER because, surprisingly, my breathing remained fine. In a pandemic, I feel it’s my duty to handle my health issues on my own at home, if at all possible. But don’t think for one minute that my EpiPen isn’t beside me at all times.

Anyhoo… My truck has a new battery. It started right up for the AAA guy, who also happens to be allergic to insects bites and stings. He was valiant in the fight with the wasps, and he never got stung. I certainly gave him a bigly tip. I haven’t dared drive the truck yet myself. Suzanne wants me to call an exterminator to make sure the truck is completely wasp-less before I drive it away to find a dusty gravel road in the middle of nowhere. I should listen to her, but you know how that goes. Now that I wear hearing aids, I can do that thing called “selective hearing.” It’s amazing what my hearing doesn’t hear.

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My Wordly Possessions Are Sometimes Odd

If you’re a regular reader of TIE O’ THE DAY, you know that I often use this forum to thank Suzanne for her patience with my off-beat whims. She comes home from slaving at her office to find things like bow ties hanging from the chandelier-y light fixture, or a tie “stripping” on the lamp pole. I could go on and on. She comes upon little neckwear scenes all through the house. I tell her to ignore what she sees. “It’s a TIE O’ THE DAY thing,” I tell her, before she even mentions anything about whatever it is. But, by now, she already knows that’s the case.

Once again, Suzanne deserves my gratitude. Why? Because yesterday, under the stairs, I found my 2012 Presidential Candidates Chia pets. I gleefully dragged Romney and Obama out onto the dining table, where they will likely sit, unboxed, in all their Chia glory until after the upcoming election. I fully intend to grow their plant-y “hairs.” I will be seeding and watering their Chia heads as per the instructions. I hope the Chia seeds will still work. They are at least 8 years old, of course.

Suzanne won’t complain about the non-talking heads on the table. She will simply work around the Chia heads’ presence in the house where they will be visible to anyone who is here. Obviously, I will post TIE O’ THE DAY updates on Romney’s and Obama’s Chia growth. Perhaps the plant hairs’ growth will somehow predict the outcome of the 2020 Presidential Election. To be fair, I made sure my Bow Tie o’ the Day is covered in red-white-and-blue donkeys and elephants. Stay tuned.

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Christmas Is Right Around The Corner

Here are some past X-mas Neckwear o’ the Day photos. Guess what I want for Christmas this year? A hug from Mom. Yeah, I’m 56 and my needle is stuck on the “hug from Mom” record again.

I called Mom this afternoon, and she’s just as chipper as ever. Mom’s always upbeat. It makes me jealous. Almost every time I call her, she is in the middle of doing something or talking to someone. Today, she’s on the hunt for pine nuts from out west. I have no doubt she will wrangle someone in town into sneaking some in to her despite the lockdown. Mom’s got pull. She’s like her very own Mafia boss. She’s THE MOMFATHER. And what The Momfather wants, The Momfather gets!

I kinda feel like I’m interrupting Mom’s routine when I call, but calls from the family are also part of her routine at MCR—especially since we can’t visit her during the lovely COVID-19 era. She says she sleeps well there, and she feels safe. As her family, we couldn’t possibly ask for her to be in a better spot. She always reassures us that she’s content right where she is. She says she’s quite content even though she and the other MCR residents can’t sit by each other at meals or go on their field trips right now.

Mom’s gonna be 90 at the end of September. She deserves to relax, and so that’s what she does. She’s very busy relaxing, all the livelong day.

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Bling And Bands

Suzanne offered to model Bow Tie o’ the Day and Face Mask o’ the Day, along with my new “business cards.” I thought adding jewelry to the staging of the pic would add an extra dollop of visual interest for y’all. You’re now looking for the business cards, I’m sure.

Believe it or not, when I’m out and about, strangers often ask me what’s up with my neckwear—especially the bow ties. The sillier the neckwear, the better. I’m happy to listen to their comments and answer their questions. I tell ’em about this tblog, and sometimes they scribble a note to themselves about the tblog name. So I thought, “Hey! I need business cards to hand out.” But doing things the usual way is not very stand out-y, so I cogitated about what kind of business card isn’t really a normal business card. Ta-da! The tie-o-the-day.com wrist bands. That’s more me-y. I have to wear a few at a time so I have ’em handy to give inquisitive folks I meet along the way in my day.

FYI Suzanne loves every one of her rings, whether they’re valuable or plastic. She has eclectic taste in jewelry, but sticks close to vintage pieces. She regularly wears a particular vintage ring set which is beyond meaningful to me for a host of reasons: she wears Mom’s wedding ring. How cool is that?!

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Me? Climb The Water Tower? No Comment.

Red and white Tie o’ the Day dresses up as the Delta Water Tower, with the aid of our water heater. The red “D” reigns, no matter what town I take off my cowboy boots in.

We’ve lived in our Centerville house eight years. It was new when we moved in. Guess what time it is? Time for the house and whatever came with it to need some little tweaks. Last week, the ice maker in the fridge simply stopped making ice. No smoke, no sputtering, no subtle dying creaks. It made ice, then it didn’t. Enter, the refrigerator repairman. He tinkered around in the guts of the freezer door, but he could find nothing wrong. Exit, the repairman and his fee. He must have done something though, because the ice maker is making ice now. It must have just wanted some attention from someone who understood it. Go figure.

And then there’s the plumbing. When the master bath shower is first turned on, there is a growing rumbling o’ the pipes throughout the house. I was outside on the morning of the 4th of July, and I could hear the pipes grumble when Suzanne got in the shower. The outside world should not have to hear our pipes. Also, the water pressure in the shower is almost zero. Lately when I shower, I feel like I’m standing under a rain cloud that drops rain one raindrop at a time. Dribble, dribble.

So I spent most of Wednesday watching the plumber do whatever he needed to do. A bigly bill later, and the pipes haven’t grumbled again. The water pressure in the shower is now restored. Victory! Almost. There are still a couple of water issues Suzanne’s not satisfied with, so I’ll be hosting the plumber again soon. I am a writer by trade. But I know my real job is to keep Suzanne happy—even with the plumbing.

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A Skitter Update, And Suzanne’s Sweet & Salty Birthday

Excuse TIE O’ THE DAY’s absence yesterday. We had a playdate with the plumber for most of the day at our house. (You’ll get that story at a later time.) Peace Bow Tie o’ the Day and I will begin this post with an update on Skitter’s ear problems. The vet discovered Skitter’s left ear has BLACK MOLD! Well, not exactly. She has a fungal infection deep in her ear, for which I’m giving her ear drops daily. But it’s much funnier to say she has black mold. Suzanne even believed me when I told her that’s what it was. Her eyebrows got really high! And I could see her having visions of spending bigly bucks to tear up the house and rid it of whatever black mold might be lurking in its walls, which had surely—somehow—given Skitter an ear infection. I had to say, “Whoa!” to Suzanne. I had to explain I was making a joke by labeling Skitter’s fungal infection “black mold.” I NEVER have to explain my hokey-jokey names for things to Suzanne. She always gets my humor. But it was her birthday, so I understood she had her mind on the festivities. Skitter will be fine in a couple of weeks.

For Suzanne’s birthday, we stayed home this year. It’s a bit pandemic-y out there right now, so I designed her birthday celebration with that in mind. Suzanne is good about no longer eating certain favorite “foods,” so her blood pressure is happy. But I decided to give her the gift of freely eating junk food for one evening. One by one, at various time intervals, I paraded out many courses of sweet, salty, and non-nutritional eats. The menu was as follows: Hostess Birthday Cake-flavor Cupcakes; Starburst jelly beans; a Birthday Cake-flavor Kit-Kat; popcorn; peanut M&M’s; Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie OREO’s; Fat Boy Birthday Cake Ice Cream; and—drum roll—my famous Potato Chip Birthday Cake. Suzanne was so full of bad-for-everybody food that she had to wait until the next day to eat my specialty, which is microwaved (no more than 10 seconds) Skittles.

BTW I purposely wore my salad tie to the grocery store when I bought all the junk food. I forgot to take a selfie at the store. Sorry.

Another BTW The party hats are mermaid tails. They were supposed to be for Gracie’s first birthday, but they weren’t delivered to me in time for that. Skitter’s mermaid tail is a little under the weather here, surely reflecting the discomfort of her black mold situation. Mermaid tails sure look dandy on us though, eh?

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Merry Birthday To Suzanne!

Today, Suzanne is officially as many years old as I am. We are now both fifty-damn-six. This photo was taken at least 50 years ago, but she looks just the same to me. As a gift to her, I gave her photo a matching Bow Tie o’ the Day. We share the same year of birth, but we do not share fashion choices. Suzanne likes her ensembles to match. I like my outfits to have strains of head-bangin’ loud clash. Suzanne puts up with my fashion style by not looking directly at me. I guess I’m kinda like the sun. My outlandish costumes—and my effusive personality—have no doubt caused her many a headache. She used to get migraines regularly, but since she started forcing her eyes to look away from my duds, she has been relatively migraine-free.

Merry Migraine-free, Pandemic Birthday, Suzanne! I love you more than my bow ties. But let’s not tell them that.

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We’re Just Relaxing

Suzanne wears my many-colored mustache Bow Tie o’ the Day while she unwinds after a day at the office. Oh, look how she’s coloring cute whales. And see how her coloring books are about butterflies and flowers and city landscapes. My stress is dissipating by just writing about the topics of her coloring books.

Suzanne and I are alike in so many ways, but our interests diverge when it comes time to chill-out with grown-up coloring books and markers. Coloring itself is relaxing to both of us, but the subjects of my coloring books tend to be a little peculiar when compared to hers. Despite my over-the-top interest in crime shows—and my coloring book about serial killers—with all their murder, mayhem, and mystery, my soul is hopelessly kind-hearted and marshmallow-y. I haven’t the slightest idea how to explain that dissonant phenomenon.

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Once Again, By Request

[Yesterday, after I posted about our pandemic Mother’s Day dinner, I was asked to re-post this gem from last year’s Mother’s Day din-din. If you recall, last year at this time, I was having weekday TMS treatments to my noggin, hoping to get my bipolar brain into its right mind.]

What I did yesterday does not resemble how I am, in the least. When I started writing TIE O’ THE DAY a couple of years ago, I said I would always be as honest as possible about my circus life—good and bad. And I’m here to tell you I embarrassed even my neckwear yesterday. Only Suzanne and I know first-hand I was a jerk, but still… I was wrong.

So….. yesterday afternoon Suzanne and I had a minuscule non-Mother’s-Day-related tiff about when to binge-watch IN PLAIN SIGHT and when to do serious napping before going to dinner. Yes, the set-to was that stoopid! But you know how it goes: One of you says a kinda not nice thing; and then the other person says a kinda not nice thing; and pretty soon you’re both swept up in a huge tornado of immaturity. (Do not pretend you haven’t done it too.) I blame the TMS, cuz I don’t want to blame myself.

Before I knew it, I was in my car alone, driving to SLC to the restaurant where I had earlier in the week made Mother’s Day dinner reservations for us.I sat and ate dinner on the patio at CURRENT all by myself, crying in my halibut. (The halibut was excellent, BTW.) The whole time I was there I kept looking at the Find Friends app on my phone to see if Suzanne’s phone had left the house to come eat with me. Nope. She and her phone stayed home. I understood. Heck, even I didn’t want to be around me.

Thus, today I chose my world map Bow Tie o’ the Day as a way to express my current title of Official Ass Of The World. And I felt my offense yesterday was so childish and egregious that I also deserve to be awarded 1/2 of a trophy—to memorialize my Official Ass Of The World title.

This fine trophy is actually my 1980 Miss Liberty 1st Attendant trophy, whose top statue has long since broken off. I don’t know why this little treasure hasn’t been lost in my life’s moves. I have lost important documents and photos in almost every housing move I’ve made, but this broken trophy always finds its way to wherever I live, making itself at home. Perhaps it has stayed with me since 1980 just to fulfill its ultimate destiny as my Official Ass Of The World trophy, which I’m sure will stick around until the minute I die. I might as well get it re-engraved with my current title.

Stoopidist. Lovebird. Tiff. Ever!

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On The COVID-19 Town

Going out to dinner for Mother’s Day during the pandemic looked like this for me and Suzanne this year. I pre-ordered PAGO’s Mother’s Day Dinner feast last week, then Saturday we drove in to SLC to pick it up at the curb—where the masked woman in the background brought our fixin’s to the car. Suzanne drove us directly home to finish the final food prep, and then we ate until our bellies were full of braised chicken, salmon corn cakes, asparagus, potatoes au gratin, and carrot cake muffins. Magnetic wood Bow Tie o’ the Day presided.