Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
“Berry smoothie”? Not! But Bow Tie o’ the Day is hangin’ loose to help me drink the nasty contrast. I’m off to get a CT scan on my stooopid pancreas (my Hanky Panky). A loose bow tie helps me relax. Trust me: it works better than Xanax to keep any possible panic attacks away during testing. I’m a pro at taking medical tests in relation to my Hanky Panky. No worries. I simply have to keep the ol’ pancreas minding its own business. Pretend this is a pancreas emoji: ☄
Bow Tie o’ the Day wants a tattoo, and I am adamant that it will not happen. One thing I don’t allow is for paisley to be covered up by anything at all. As for me, I have a few tats. My first tat, which is shown here, is my fave-rave. I got it stabbed into my arm in 1989. I couldn’t decide exactly what design would suit me for my entire life, so I decided the best thing to do was to get precisely what I wanted: a TATTOO. 💪 🔪
Bow Tie o’ the Day has made a pal of my new gadget. They are inseparable. The first thing I learned about these ear things is that they’re not called hearing “aids” anymore. My ear doc made that very clear. I thought he was going to bite my deaf ear off about that. No, they are called hearing “devices.” Sorry, doc, I didn’t mean to offend anyone by my device-ism. But the DEVICE feels comfortable. The test will be how often I have to say “Huh?” to Suzanne.
Bow Tie o’ the Day isn’t happy we’re leaving St. George. Back to the rat race. Mom’s riding with us for part of our trek. We’re dropping her off in Oak City so she can visit her sister for the day, until Ron and Marie pick her up on their way home from Boise. They’ll be back here, where they can look at this jersey on their wall. Their son, Ron, played minor league baseball for a decade. He ended his career in The Bigs, with the Mariners. ⚾
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I are simply used to it by now. We drive five hours to Dixie– to Mom-sit and vacay– and Suzanne drags her sewing machine along. She’s working on a quilt, and I guess it couldn’t wait a few days until we return home. To be fair, crafting/sewing of any kind is like a vacation for Suzanne. She vacations to Craftville almost every evening. I have never seen the surface of our dining table because it’s covered with sewing machines, and with every crafty, sew-y thingamabob sold at JOANN’S and MOM’S CRAFTS.
Bow Tie o’ the Day tried mightily, but the deck is as close as we could get Mom to the pool. I guess she won’t be skinny-dipping. She’d rather watch us swim, and watch Skitter sunbathe. Maybe next visit Mom’ll dive in. Of course, she’ll have to have her walker bob with her. 🏊♀️ 🐕 Because we’ve been trying to entice Mom into the pool, and we had a massage this morning, Bow Tie and I are late posting. I’m sure you were all worried we would never, ever post again. 😜
Bacon Tie o’ the Day needs no words. Mom and I talked today about “bad words”– the words we weren’t allowed to say around her when we were kids. For Mom, the B-word was BRAT. The F-word was FART. The S-word was SHUT UP. The D-word was DUMB– as in, you never call someone DUMB. We could use her G-word, which was GADFREE. Of course, we couldn’t use the “real” bad words either. But, really– I ask you: How does a little kid not say FART?
Bow Tie o’ the Day chilled with us inside the house, cuz the wind o’ St. George gusted so mightily that I thought we were actually in Delta. Thus, no splashing in the pool. I tapped out a post. Suzanne cut quilt squares. Mom dozed in front of Game 1 of the NBA Finals. When I raised the iPhone to snap our mugs, Mom fretted, “I don’t have my face on!” But I have a rule: Mom must be in post pics, whenever possible. I snapped her face in shadows, and she was pleased with it.
I’ve worn out Bow Tie o’ the Day and Skitter with my various eccentricities today. I tend to be a boisterous presence– with my tie collection; my opinions; my vibes about the future; and every joke that pops into my head. I have a bigly presence, but I don’t try to create one. You’re the judge of whether my circus is negative or positive, but I spent an entire decade of my life being quiet, which means I was basically somebody I’m not. I’m making up for that lost decade. 🗣
I wanted to show y’all a pic of Mom skinny-dipping at midnight last night, but she fell asleep early. We’ll work on persuading her to stay up long enough to do it under the cover of night tonight. Meanwhile, this Bow Tie o’ the Day photo appears to be from 50’s Day in high school. My fave thing about this pic is not Bow Tie o’ the Day, as one would expect. No, my fave thing is the pack of candy cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of my t-shirt. 🚬