Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I hoped Mom would join us in our photo, but she’s still conked out. And snoring. Our Cufflinks o’ the Day are mega. They weigh a half-pound each. We’re headed to SLC, the metropolis, to my appointment 🏋️♀️ with my pain doc. If we’re accosted by a mugger, I can use Cufflinks like brass knuckles! My visits to the pain doc go like this: Doc says, HOW’S YOUR PAIN? I say, SAME. She says, SEE YOU NEXT MONTH! 👩⚕️ Helpful.
Hey! I dared make a real candy Bow Tie o’ the Day. It’s the craftiest craft I’ve crafted in my loooooong life. It actually resembles a bow tie! The best thing about homemade Bow Tie is I can eat the pb M&M’s when I’m done wearing it. Having to then make a replacement bow tie is a dandy excuse for buying more candy, which I’ll likewise munch. And thus, the Circle o’ Candy Bow Tie Life continues on— until I’m fat, hyperglycemic, and candy bow tie-less.
So it’s a Monday, and you’re kinda crabby, so you’re grumbling at the dog and at your own reflection in the window. You’re also hungry, but you don’t wanna cook, and you don’t wanna order a pizza or drive to a restaurant. You are about to give up on being jolly for even one minute today. And then… while you’re folding the laundry, two blessings stare up into your blue eyes: the Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day boxers you sleep in. Where’s your grumpy now?! 🤗 👔 🎀
My pencils dress in Bow Ties o’ the Day to help me write. I planned to do a bunch of writing today, but the legal pad doesn’t lie. Me and Bow Ties are experiencing a severe bout of writer’s block. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes I have to swear at my own congested head before the words start percolating into something sensical. I am not a cursin’ gal. But swearing can be kinda like praying: I do it in private, and I focus intensely on inspiration.
Skitter’s been going through boxes o’ papers, and she latched onto Bow Tie o’ the Day, which decorates the most perfect-for-me birthday card I’ve ever received— right down to its shirt and vest. Suzanne gave the card to me years ago. I think she knows me well. In fact, she probably knows me too well for my own good. In the final analysis, I’m quite easy to please. My needs are simple: books and ties take care of me. Steak is also necessary. 🐄 🍽
I went to grab the mail, and one of my neighbors drove by. (She’s Rocko the Toddler’s mom. I know the names of neighbor-kids and neighbor-pets, but not their parents’ names. That’s how I roll.) I waved to Rocko’s mom, but she was clutching her throat. I thought the poor woman was choking. Nope. That was her way of saying YOU FORGOT TO WEAR A TIE! How embarrassing! It’s cool that my neighbors know my tie ways. Yet Rocko’s mom probably doesn’t know my name either.