Category: Stories

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Your Car Could Be Next, Old Coot!

Bigly, wood Bow Tie o’ the Evening was kind enough to accompany me to the Home Owners Association meeting. Bow Tie, Lapel Pin, Cufflinks, and Pocket Square ALL acted as my disguise. Mustaches will do that. A disguise is necessary cuz sometimes at these meetings, neighbors forget to love their neighbors. Especially regarding HOA budgets. Recently, some cars have been harassed. When I asked if the Board had discussed installing cameras, the guy next to me snapped, “Only if YOU pay for them!” Love you more, doofus! 💋

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Suzanne Must Think The Lightbulbs Never Burn Out

Tie o’ the Day clashes properly with Shirt, but I should’ve worn a bow tie. I’ve been climbing ladders to replace dead lightbulbs, and ties kinda get in the way. Cufflinks o’ the Day met their bigger, brighter counterparts. For them, seeing real lightbulbs must have seemed like seeing The Jolly Light Giant. I don’t change bulbs if Suzanne’s around. We have high ceilings, and she frets my tremors will toss me off the ladder. If I ever have to call her from the ER, I’m toast. 💡 🏥

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The Higher The Hair, The Closer To God

Tie o’ the Day presents the only kind of flowers I can make thrive. I am a serial plant killer. My black thumb has killed every plant — garden and indoor — I’ve ever had. And my skills at annihilation don’t stop with plants: I somehow managed to kill the pet rocks I owned in the 70’s. ⛰ 🥀 Be sure to check out my hairs’ side-mohawk. Soon, I’ll be able to comb it over to the longer side. While it grows out, I’m playing silly games with its heights. 🙀

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The Atlantic Ocean Misses Me And My Ties

Tie o’ the Day’s a cozy flannel, which– with a flannel shirt–  is the only way to wear a flannel blanket outdoors. I’m very hatty these days, cuz my ears are cold. And they’ll probably stay frozen until June. I wanna say May, but we always get that late Spring freeze and snowstorm. And that will be right after the flora begins to bloom. When I lived in the D.C. area, I could wear shorts and no ear coverings from February to October. My legs miss that. 🏖

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Can You See Me Now?

I dress by the Law O’ Clash, but Bow Tie o’ the Day and I are currently blending in with our outside environment. You can hardly find me in this photo, cuz I did so well dressing in white camouflage. I cause snow blindness. Yellow/gold Bow Tie adds the ultimate secret ingredient to my camo. Its color blends me in with the occasional spots o’ yellow snow Skitter and the other neighborhood pups leave behind on their daily missions. Am I a snow angel, or what?! 👼

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Snowy, Chilly Joy! And A Tux, Which I Don’t Own.

Bow Tie o’ the Day is brought to you by my lovely, tuxedo-ed penguin pal. One of the few things I like about erranding in the snow is that I get to wear my loud Sloggers boots. Ok, so they’re gardening boots. But they’re warm AND stylish. Who doesn’t want to see cows on pink boots? I was visiting Delta a while back and I forgot to take my church/funeral shoes, to attend church. I had only my purple, dog-print Sloggers. That was a fun meeting! 👟 ⛪

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Clean Pajamas And A Tie! And A Beanie For My Cold Ears!

Floppy Kentucky Bow Tie o’ the Day persuaded me to at least change into a fresh pair of sleepwear this evening. I couldn’t wear ‘Links o’ the Day, cuz I haven’t yet found pajama sleeves with cufflink buttonholes. I’m showing you these ‘links to hint about what I’ve been doing. Mostly, I’ve worked my little iPhone to its bare chips and bytes, by answering emails, texts, and calls. This way, I can pretend I accomplished tasks from my honey-do list, on a Pajama Day. 📱 📞

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Skitter Hogs The DVD Player

Skitter’s Tie o’ the Day is adamant about Skitter’s plans for today. Yes, Skitter communicates through ties, just like I do. She throws one on only occasionally, but when she dons one, we stand at attention. Recently, she discovered PINK PANTHER cartoons, and she is addicted. We’ll be binge-watching  the pink critter all day. Can heading out to the movies to see BLACK PANTHER be far behind? Fortunately, Skitter is wiry and quiet, so I can easily sneak her into the theater in my back pocket. 📀 📺 📽

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I Grumble That Ties Aren’t Deductions

We went to get our taxes done and filed, and I left home wearing Bow Tie o’ the Day. How did things turn out? Well, I left the H & R Block office wearing this Tie o’ the Day and the barrel it shows. Nah, it really did work out just fine, and we aren’t going to have to sell any spare limbs or organs. Like I said this morning, the list of what my tiny taxes build, create, preserve, plan, etc. is endless. I’m thankful. 📄 ✒ 💰

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The Friendly Skies Bring Us Home

I call this photo TURBULENCE. The skies were a bit shaky over Monterey Bay. (See my cloud ‘Links?)  Even before take-off things got kinda gnarly. Guess who created a problem with the TSA? Tie o’ the Day created a hullaballoo which caused me to undergo a pat-down. I’m not telling a fish story: the TSA agent actually told me she thought Tie was messing up the body scanner. I think vacation-themed Tie created a fuss cuz it didn’t wanna leave the beach. I can relate. 🏖