Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
This is what transpires every time Bow Tie o’ the Day and I go shopping at JoAnn’s with Suzanne: She says she just needs one thing, so I go inside with her and look around. And then her cart keeps filling up, and I can see it’s gonna take some bigly time. I go wait in the car, where I listen to Wilco or The National or P!nk, while eating licorice, and snapping pix for TIE O’ THE DAY. She takes even longer at Mom’s Crafts. 🛒 🙄
Tie o’ the Day is a clever masterpiece: a plywood tie. I call it my white trash/redneck tie. When I lived back East, I noticed a certain snootiness some people had towards the West. It was, like all prejudice, a bias formed out of ignorance. They hadn’t been there, and they didn’t know any Westerners. I learned to embrace my “redneck-ness” and my small-town-ness. I set them straight. And the first thing I did when I moved back to Delta? Threw a mattress on my front porch. 🛏 🤠
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I discovered we need to make a grocery list. I don’t go grocery shopping until I absolutely have to, and the fridge and pantry are bare. Almost. In the fridge’s bottom compartment, sits one lonely, perfect package of Johnsonville Stadium Brats. In honor of Cufflinks o’ the Day, we’re ecstatic the brats are truly the only food left. See, now we can each eat two or three of them without guilt. Healthy food is for tomorrow. And tomorrow never really exists. 🌭
Cufflinks o’ the Day are whistling away at the pin-up girls gracing Shirt. Bow Tie o’ the Day is leather. It can’t create clash fashion, but ain’t it snazzy? The smallest things make me happy. I’ve been open about my bipolarity in these posts, so I can’t deny that TIE O’ THE DAY is sometimes the only reason I can crawl out of bed. I have no clue how my offbeat mind came up with the idea. But it works for me. It gives me purpose. 😉
Tie o’ the Day’s snazzy clash with Shirt is serendipitous, cuz I didn’t purposely match colors. I grabbed the first tie and the first shirt I touched in the closet. Cufflinks were definitely a conscious choice. In Baltimore, I often talked with law-breaking students about making better choices. I’d tell them, “If you don’t start making positive choices, when we see each other in the future, it’ll be at The Windows of Life. And you’re gonna be asking me, ‘Do you want fries with that’?” 🍔 🍟 Education matters. 🎓
Bow Tie o’ the Day is a beachy, pastel green thing, posing with a wee Chardonnay bottle. I got this wine in Monterey for Suzanne, and she thought it was too cute to not haul home — empty, of course. I guesstimate the bottle holds three swallows of wine — not even enough to get a beach buzz. So I got Suzanne four of them. The bottle is plastic, so it is allowed the beach. Wine is not a temptation for me, but I still miss tasty microbrew beers. 🍺 🍷
Tie o’ the Day and I feel batty. Cufflinks join us in their Batman capes. Added Bonus: The capes’ Bat Signs glow in the dark! We aren’t hangin’ in the Bat Cave, nor are there bats in my belfry. I have a tattoo on my left shoulder that says Mom’s version of a curse word: HELFRY! Yes, it rhymes with BELFRY. That word comes out of her mouth when she’s angry. For example, she might say, “Helfry! Why didn’t those cookies rise like I wanted? Darn flour!” 🍪
I’m cozied-up in my pajamas, and my cold ears are wearing a hat Suzanne crocheted. I get compliments on the hat, but its floppiness ain’t me. CAUTION: Although Suzanne crochets wondrous hats, DO NOT ALLOW HER TO PUT ANY HAT ON HER HEAD! Your eyes will never recover. Her noggin isn’t misshapen or anything, but here’s the math: Suzanne + hat = LOOK AWAY!!! We’re watching LIVE PD tonight. That’s our go-to, weekend Date Night activity. LIVE PD is also the reason for these Cufflinks o’ the Day: handcuffs!
When I bought Tie o’ the Day at the Salvador Dali exhibit in Monterey, I knew it would feel at home in our house when it saw our living room clock. I was correct. I often look up to check the time, and Tie is hangin’ and chattin’ with its clock pal. The Dali painting which inspired Tie is one of his most widely known. It’s called THE PERSISTENCE OF MEMORY, and its melting clocks sometimes remind me of how, over time, Mom’s memories are melting away. 😭
Tie/Bow Tie o’ the Day are evidence of a crime. It was committed on my behalf, by my better half. Apparently, my maniacal passion for ties has become a bad influence on the hallowed/haloed Suzanne. While she was in Southern Utah for work this week, she became a flat-out thief — just for me — when she stole these DO NOT DISTURB placards from her hotel room. Honestly, I’m glad she was bad. I’ll be hanging these on doorknobs of rooms I occupy wherever I go, especially My Tie Room!