Category: Stories

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And A Good Time Was Had By All, Except Skitter

Skittles Bow Tie o’ the Day accompanied us to my thrilling birthday evening at BAMBARA, for a bass and scallops dinner, and then to the Capitol Theater for an opera doubleheader of PAGLIACCI and GIANNI SCHICCHI. I chose the Skittles bow tie because some people take “high culture” too seriously. A hint of clashy levity in your formal fashion tells others that although you’re at a sophisticated event, you’re here to be art-edified AND have a blast. Suzanne looks smashing. And I look like the circus I am. 🤡 🎪 🤹‍♀️

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We Should All Get To Watch A Clown On Our Birthday

I had a pleasant dilemma while getting dressed. What neckwear clashes with opera? Suzanne’s taking me to dinner and the opera, PAGLIACCI, for my birthday. The Italian word translates to “sad clown,” which perfectly describes my essence. I wish I had opera glasses though, because they would be a swanky, snooty fashion accessory. I can’t believe in all my years of buying stuff I don’t need, I’ve never purchased a pair o’ opera glasses. What the fruitcake is wrong with me? Besides hoarding ties, I mean. 🎭

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Yup, I’m Ancient. And I’m Good With That.

Duct tape Bow Tie o’ the Day is ready to shower. It’s my fifty-damn-fourth birfday 🤡, and Suzanne tells me big plans are afoot. I think this pic is telling me that, despite being out of bed for three hours, it’s probably time I wake all the way up and take a shower. I must get dressed in proper clash for my birfday 😜 occasion. I know you’ve been wondering, and the answer is… yes, I do shower in a bow tie. I’d feel downright naked if I didn’t. 🤣

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Keep Your Paws Off This Clash, And Don’t Stare Directly At It

Bow Ties/Tie o’ the Day add their panache to the clash-a-rama of my entire get-up. The hot-ness of this sexy outfit is undeniable. Thus, my fire extinguisher Cufflinks o’ the Day are absolutely necessary for my safety, and for the safety of passers-by. Skitter nearly went up in flames when she nuzzled against my shouting duds. The scene was like an Old West shoot-out. Skitter almost got singed, so I drew my trusty fire extinguishers. I shot that spark dead! Skitter’s wisely keeping her skittish distance. 🔥

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That Awkward Moment Between Birth And Death

Bow Tie o’ the Day was delivered on my front door step by Fed-Ex this morning. It is my first bow tie from my Wooden-Bow-Tie-Of-The-Month Club. I can’t decide whether it is sleeping in a nest or a manger. Is it fowl or mammal? Will it learn to fly out of its nest? Or will it crawl out of its manger, all wobbly and trying to find its legs? It makes no difference to me. I will love and wear it whatever way it emerges. 🕊 🐩 🎀

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It Would Be A Miracle, And I Want No Part Of It

Bow Tie o’ the Day and ‘Links o’ the Day are a bit watermelon-y. I’ve had the weirdest cravings lately. Today, I ate an entire box of Cinnamon Life cereal, and then consumed some watermelon. When we were vacationing in Monterey last month, I ate nothing but calamari and Red Vines licorice. I eat oddly, in general. But these are new levels of food combinations for me. Remember the cliché about pregnant women craving ice cream and pickles? Sounds yummy. I better not be pregnant. 😱 🙀

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Rock, Paper, Feathers

Bow Tie o’ the Day is my latest acquisition. The wood doggie do-dad thrills me, and the lush partridge and pheasant feathers are both soft and splendid. I photographed it alone, so you could gander at its ornithological grandeur. I often pet its silky feathers. FYI Suzanne is relatively pain-free after her lithotripsy trip to the hospital yesterday. She does have a patch of what resembles road rash on her side where the laser shot through her. But she’s peeing sandy rocks, which is a good sign. 🚽

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I’ve Always Known She’s Stubborn, But…

Bow Tie o’ the Day declares it’s official: Suzanne doesn’t just have strength of character. She also has strength of kidney stones! Today, her humongous kidney stone defeated the Laser o’ Lithotripsy. I’ve always known Suzanne was tough, with a big splash of stubbornness. I just didn’t know she passed these qualities on to her kidney stones. This particular stone is 3.2 cm long, and the doc says she’s been creating it for years. The lithotripsy laser was unable to blow it to smithereens. What’s next? Dunno. ⛰ 🏋️‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️

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When They’re Nervous, Make ‘Em Laugh

This Tie o’ the Day is an answer to any “what-kinda-tie-do-I-wear-today?” question. This morning we’re venturing to the hospital, where Suzanne’s bigly, gnarly kidney stone will be lasered into tinier, gnarly stones for her to pee out of her system. This procedure, called LITHOTRIPSY, is a new chapter in Suzanne’s book o’ kidney stones adventures. The next few weeks of peeing rocks will be fruitful for Suzanne though: She can add to her collection of past, passed gems. But unlike me, Suzanne doesn’t wear what she collects. 😱 💎

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Trees Can Bear Fruit, But Can’t Grow Interest

Bow Tie o’ the Day tidied the house, and discovered our money tree died. The tree was a got-hitched gift four years ago. I thought I couldn’t kill this plant, but I did. I insist we don’t use the money to purchase any kind of living or inanimate greenery. I’m thinking we oughta buy either a new dryer or a sailboat. Suzanne gets seasick, but not dryer sick, so I can guess which thing she’ll vote for. Her vote’s the one that counts. She’s our Electoral College. 🤢 ⛵