Somehow, Suzanne managed to wrangle a day off yesterday, so we drove to Delta-bama to visit our hero—Big Helen. Skitter was a sly mutt, cuz she gave Mom a bigly bag of candy, totally ignoring Mom’s glucose levels. Every time I looked in their direction, Skitter was handing Mom another Swedish Fish. I knew we would be in trouble the next time the nurses checked Mom’s sugar. And we were. The nurse told Mom there was an insulin shot coming her way. As we were leaving Millard Care and Rehab, we walked Mom to her lunch table—trying to hide her from any syringe-wielding nurses. But the staff at MCR doesn’t miss a thing. The nurse accosted Mom with a shot in the hall. All’s right with Mom’s blood sugar again. Hey, Mom’s 90. If she wants Swedish Fish, she’s getting Swedish Fish. Besides, it was Skitter who gave her the bag of candy anyway, so you can’t blame me.
BTW Here’s a factoid about Mom: Whenever a nurse prepares to test Mom’s blood, Mom ALWAYS gives them her middle finger to prick. It amuses the nurses, and it amuses Mom to sort of flip the bird at her situation. Everyone wins. I love Mom.
There is “cool.” And then there is “Skitter-cool.” In her hat and Tie o’ the Day, Skitter exudes cool-osity from every fur follicle. This is how The Skit faces a Monday. Since she woke up, she’s been listening to nothing but Lucinda Williams cd’s. And just what is Skitter’s fave-rave Lucinda Williams song to sing along with? “2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten,” of course. 💿🎙
Skitter’s sad, sad, sad face at Gracie’s front door.Here’s Gracie a few months ago.
Today is The Divine Miss Gracie’s 2nd Birthday. I cannot believe it. It seems like she just barely showed up in our family. On the other hand, Grace has taken over like none of us even existed before she was born into this world. She’s a blessing, a spit-fire, and a tornado all in one. She is also wise beyond her years, according to anyone who has ever spent time with her. When she and Skitter finally met last Christmas, I don’t know which of them was more taken with the other.
This morning, Skitter and I threw Gracie’s gifts in the car and headed to Provo. We had hoped to surprise her with our good tidings. We miscalculated and found no one at home. See how forlorn Skitter’s expression was as we discovered at the front door that our Grace Anne was nowhere to be found at her house. We should have known better. We should have assumed her little birthday dance card was full. Clearly, it was.
Skitter and I left Grace’s gifts at the front door and headed back north to our turf. Skitter was beside herself about not seeing Gracie on her birthday. I told Skitter that not being able to see Gracie might turn out to be a favorable thing for us in the end. I said, “Travis and Collette will feel so bad about missing our visit that we could probably ask them if Gracie can stay with us for a whole sleepover at our place soon.” Skitter looked at me with deep concentration as I then went on to explain the concepts of “guilt” and “manipulation”—and how to use them to your advantage, to get things like playdates, sleepovers, and extra treats. 🤡
A couple of times a year, Skitter and I get pet-hungry. We sit around on the deck with our popsicles, wondering if it’s time to add a little critter of some kind to the household. I think Skitter needs a kitten. I think she would do well with a baby feline who would curl up with her for naps and nighttime, but otherwise demand absolutely nothing from her. Cats are so good about living their own lives as independent royalty—so separate and above us peons who feed them, change their kitty litter, and keep them supplied with catnip. Cats don’t even pretend to care about anybody but themselves—even though we know they secretly tolerate us. Skitter needs a pet like that: a pet with no needs, except to curl up and snuggle for warmth.
Skitter is usually the one who brings up the possibility of adopting more exotic types of pets, like maybe a chimpanzee or a kangaroo. I suspect Skitter watches National Geographic animal shows when I’m not around, because today she asked if we could get a meerkat. I will give Skitter just about anything she asks for, but I don’t think Centerville is a place a meerkat wold want to live—even with us. We probably could have made that work in Delta, but we don’t own a tumbleweed ranch there anymore.
Skitter and I will talk about pet options for another day or so, and then we’ll move on to another subject. My Bow Tie o’ the Day and Shirt o’ the Day in this photo scream out the kind of pet I’m always angling for. I’m a card-carrying mutt gal. Skitter doesn’t know it yet, but that means she’s a mutt gal too.
Skitter is capable of surprising us with a lot of odd skills. Honestly, dialing 9-1-1 isn’t one of them. I’m really the one who called 9-1-1 this morning—by accident somehow—three times. Seriously, after today, I am practically on a first-name basis with the 9-1-1 operators of Davis County.
It started out innocently enough when I played a game of solitaire on my iphone while waiting for my popcorn to finish popping in the microwave. (Yes, I had popcorn for breakfast again. So sue me.) When an ad came flying across my phone screen, the screen froze up. I touched every spot on the screen, but there was no budging the frozen ad, and there was no continuing the stoopid game. And my phone wouldn’t even turn off. I finally put it down, figuring the problem would resolve itself. I was sure I’d come back to my phone in a few minutes, and it would magically be healed. Nope.
Twenty minutes later, the screen remained frozen on the stoopid ad. I pressed the buttons to “power off” the phone, and a WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP came screaming out. The phone didn’t shut off. The screen was the same frozen ad, but a little green phone showed up in the corner of it. I touched it and answered. It was a 9-1-1 operator. “What’s your emergency?” I didn’t know what to say, so I told the truth. “I’m just trying to shut off my frozen-screened phone, and it started WHOOP-ing at me, and then you called me.” Boy, that sounded suspicious. I might as well have told them I was a technotard and couldn’t be trusted with anything more complicated than a stapler. This was especially true when I tried to shut off my phone two more times and the same scenario happened each time.
I still have no idea how it happened. All I know is that after the third 9-1-1 call to my new emergency friends, my screen finally wasn’t frozen anymore. And I could turn off my phone without WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP calling 9-1-1. I bet the operators miss me already. I can’t wait to see what other new experiences my day will offer.
Despite Skitter’s near-constant skittishness, she goes all lovey and kissy if my face gets within two inches of her face. I don’t mind. I just have to wash my face about 9 times a day.
You’ve heard of love/hate relationships? Well, Skitter has a love/fear relationship with most of the things and activities in her life. As I’ve mentioned before, Skitter is askeered of loud noises; sudden movements; anything that moves by itself—be it gadget or human; all other animals; any humans who aren’t me, Mom, or Suzanne; falling leaves; leaves on trees; light; darkness; wind; rain; the vacuum; the car; the truck; the bicycle; the electric recliner; the toaster; the mailbox; and the tv being off. Those are just a few of the things that scare her. And yet, she is a happy dog.
For example, we took Skitter on our walk with us last evening. She was giddy when I got her harness down off the hook and put it on her. She was excited as we headed out the front door. There’s no denying she wanted to go with us, and she ultimately pranced the whole walk. But as she pranced, she also shook and carried her tail between her legs for the entirety of our trek. She had her tail tucked under her belly so tightly that I had to kneel down to double-check to see if it was still attached to her. It was still there, making Skitter’s undercarriage look like she had a muffler. She had a boatload of fun, despite her terror. She says she can’t wait to go with us again.
Tie o’ the Day screams to show y’all the Delta house we had for 17 years. Mom and her Pepsi are with us in this collage snapshot. Suzanne’s holding Skitter. I’m being the tie/bow tie missionary I truly am. And Bernie Sanders stopped by to chat.
Suzanne and I called our Delta house Southfork (as in the tv show DALLAS), and we called it the Desert Beach House. I think of it most fondly as my grandparents’ former house. When I owned it, I thought of it as my own private tumbleweed ranch. I had a serious green thumb for growing all shapes, sizes, and styles of tumbleweeds. The best part about this house is that it was just an easement away from my parents’ home, which came in especially handy after Dad passed away. When we were in Delta, we could keep a protective eye on Mom, without cramping her gallivanting style. Rowan and I spent the bulk of his childhood summers in this house, while Suzanne stayed in Ogden and slaved at the office. She grabbed chunks of time to spend in Delta whenever she could get away from work. Rowan got the benefit of growing up by my parents and surrounded by my grandnieces and grandnephews. Our summer porch was always full of Mom, and kids, and bubbles, and root beer floats. Oh, and the porch was home to buckets of sidewalk chalk for creating miles of kid art to behold. I am proud to say that no self-respecting kid ever walked off our porch clean. 🏖
Skitter’s morning nap poses have been amusing me, and she hasn’t even put on her Tie o’ the Dog yet today. But she most certainly will when she wakes up.
So yesterday morning, before Skitter and I got in the car to make our pilgrimage to Millard Care And Rehab to visit Mom, Suzanne told me she liked my shirt but she said it kinda hurt her eyes, too. I considered changing into a less busy shirt, because I didn’t want my attire to cause injury to Mom’s old, old eyes. Ultimately, I didn’t change it, and one of the first things Mom said to me when she saw me was, “I like your shirt.” I told her what Suzanne had said about it earlier, and Mom said, “Well, if it bothers my eyes to look at your shirt, I’ll just quit looking at it.” Mom is a very sensible gal.
As Skitter and I made our way through the halls of MCR to get to Mom’s room, the staff was quick to welcome us back to the facility. And I was quick to give them our family’s thanks for their quality care of Mom during the pandemic. They kept her safe and engaged, and we never doubted they would. Indeed, when I walked into Mom’s room, she was alert and chatty. When I first hugged her, she seemed smaller and more fragile than when I hugged her last. It was like hugging a bird—but I’m sure that was mostly because it had been so long between hugs.
The window in Mom’s room gives her a clear view of people going into, or out of, the care center. She can also see the ambulance pull up to the ER at the hospital across the way. She especially enjoys watching the medical helicopter come and go. Mom and I sat on Mom’s bed talking and watching the world doing its thing outside her window. Mom was captivated by the construction guys working on the hospital roof. We laughed as they took turns coming down the ladder to use the port-a-potty in the parking lot. For a moment, it felt like she and I were sitting on The Porch again—Mom holding court and scattering her spunkiness and opinions everywhere within ear-reach.
As an added bonus for Mom yesterday, her friends, Dot and Roberta, drove past her window, as if on cue, and I managed to flag them down. They were gracious enough to stop and come over to Mom’s window so she could see them up-close. The three of them yelled greetings to each other through the window glass. (Oh, and Mom made me lift Skitter up to the window, so she could introduce The Skit to her good friends.) Dot and Roberta were cackling when they left, and so were we. Mom beamed at her almost-back-to-normal day as a resident of MCR. She can’t wait to go on MCR drives again, and she mentioned wanting to get back to playing BINGO with the other residents, too. I reminded her she will probably have to be patient a little longer, and she reminded me how much neither of us Helen’s likes to be patient.
My fave-rave moment of yesterday was a classic, comedic Mom moment. I nursed my bottle of Diet Coke and Mom had Pepsi in her cup as she and I chatted. Yup, we were drinkin’ together again. At some point, Skitter—who sat right up against Mom’s leg throughout the entirety of our visit—started sniffing at Mom’s cup. Quick-witted as ever, Mom feigned horror and said, “Skitter! You don’t want to drink that! That’ll get you drunk!” It caught me by surprise, and I admit I snort-laughed at Mom and the idea that she would spike anyone’s drink—let alone her own. I asked her what the Hell-en she spiked her Pepsi with, and where did she hide it, because I wanted some too. We kidded back and forth about that for a while, and at some point I said she should tell me where her booze was so we could get Skitter drunk, and put it on YouTube and get rich. I told her she was being stingy, and that I didn’t know how she was raised, but that my mother sure as Hell-en raised me to always share my liquor with the people I love.
What a bigly splendid day it was, in Mom’s little room! I can’t wait for our next visit.
Skitter wore a St. Paddy Tie o’ the Day for our in-person, in-the-same-room visit with Mom yesterday. Mom and Skitter were glued to each other the whole time, and I was just a third-wheel. Luckily, I did manage to grab a few hugs from my very own mother. In this afternoon’s post, I will regale you with the complete tales of yesterday’s adventures with Mom. She was in fine form, so stay tuned. Ain’t Mom just the cutest old lady?
