Category: Hats

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We Were All Daredevils

Tie o’ the Day is one of my bigly, fat ties. It is as wide as the Missouri River. Well, it’s 5 inches at its widest point. As bigly as Tie is, my hat is too small for my noggin. It is one of the hats Suzanne crocheted for wee kid heads. I’ll be good and not stretch it out of its usefulness just to fit my head for a TIE O’ THE DAY snapshot.

Despite my asparagus adventure which found me biking home from Sugarville after dark— and despite my two falls from the same tree when I was a kid, I was not a reckless sprite. And I was not left to run all over creation, completely unsupervised. I was simply an imaginative kid in Delta, UT in the 60’s and the 70’s. That period of time was my “back in the day.”

Many of you were there, as well. It was a time of no seat belts; no car seats; no bike helmets; and no flashing lights and automatic arms at railroad crossings.

We did have lawn darts; full gun racks in trucks; and cigarette vending machines at Top’s and the Rancher. We played dodge ball. Our water park was the flumes.

It might have been a less safe time in some ways, but I’m glad I didn’t miss it. However, when I look back at my kidhood exploits, I am amazed at the shenanigans we all survived. Think about it: What “dangerous” kidhood/teenhood adventures did you manage to survive? What do you wish your kids or grandkids could do, but is no longer possible?

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Another Asparagus Story

Tie o’ the Day is just plain gorgeous as it clashes sublimely with one of my paisley shirts. They both clash with my Suzanne-crocheted Hat o’ the Day. She’s been on a binge with crocheting hats lately. I counted over a dozen she created over the X-mas holidays. I can’t decide which I like the most, so I’m wearing them all once, then we’ll donate them.

But back to asparagus… Most of you know my hometown— Delta, UT. Many readers are not familiar with it at all. Delta was kind of a truer-to-life version of Mayberry. For the most part, we all knew each other. I lived in a terrific neighborhood, on the wrong side of the tracks, just inside the city limits. My dad’s parents lived next door to us, and Dad’s bee warehouse was behind their house. Farm country started literally across the street to the west of our home. That meant a canal full of irrigation water was also literally across that same street. And a dirt ditch canal meant loads of asparagus.

Every neighborhood has its share of grouchy folk, and mine was no exception. I was on the canal bank picking asparagus one fine summer day, when I heard an ominous voice: “Don’t you steal my asparagus!” It was not God’s voice, although it shook me to the core. It was one of our crabby, old lady neighbors who seemed to think that everything in her not-too-good eyesight was hers just because she lived closest to the ditch. I’ll just call her Mrs. Canal. Off, I ran the whole forty yards to Dad’s bee warehouse, leaving a trail of scared asparagus falling behind me. Yes, even the asparagus was scared.

Through the fog of bees in the honey extracting room, I regaled Dad with my latest exploit. He was sympathetic. He had grown up there, right across the street from Mrs. Canal. I asked him how old Mrs. Canal was. He pondered, then said, “All I can tell you is that she was at least a hundred years old when I was a boy.” That was Dad’s way of saying I’d better just be polite, and leave that area unpicked until Mrs. Canal gives up the ghost, then I could have at it.

I started picking the asparagus where Mrs. Canal couldn’t possibly see me, and it killed me to leave “her” asparagus growing there on the canal bank. Year after year, she never picked it, so it just grew spindly and went to seed. What a waste.

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2 Hats Are Better Than 1

Diamond-point X-mas Bow Tie o’ the Day is simple, yet festive. It’s a practical choice for wearing around the house all day, which is exactly what I did. Bow Tie isn’t flashy and it’s not bigly. Even if Skitter is the only person— yes, she’s a person— who lays eyes on it, it improves my mood to dress up for my day of whatever it is I do with my days. And I, myself, am worth dressing snappy for. I don’t have to leave the house to be worthy of a bow tie.

I’m also wearing Hat o’ the Day inside, to warm the shaved side of my head. It is my latest hat acquisition. Suzanne brought it home from the office last week, but Suzanne does not wear hats. We made it a law. Hats do not work on her, and she knows it. They make her look like she’s in a funhouse mirror which warps the shape and size of her head’s reflection. It isn’t pretty. I, of course, benefit from the No-Hats-For-Suzanne Law by immediately inheriting any hat that comes her way.

I had to search my Christmas prop box for my tiny red-and-green teeny hat. My Spock ear was extra cold this afternoon, and my new beanie alone just wasn’t cutting it. Soon after I gave my pointy ear its own Hat o’ the Spock Ear, it warmed right up with the rest of my head.

It’s kinda fun to have a Spock ear. And I still think it’s my sexiest feature.

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Skulls Are Just Naked Noggins

I and my beady eyes love me my Santa-hatted skull-and-crossbones Bow Tie o’ the Day!

What’s great about this season is that I can wear my warm night cap/sleep cap everywhere I go, without anyone batting an eye. Christmas is almost as good as Halloween if you want to wear out-of-the-norm clothing without garnering unwanted attention.

I mean— I would never recommend to anyone who wants to burglarize a house or steal a car around X-mas that you won’t get caught if you’re wearing a magnificent night cap, cuz you’ll blend in. But during the holiday season, you really do stand a better chance of not getting caught doing naughty things while wearing unusual clothing, if you do those naughty things amid all the Christmas lights, mistletoe mustaches, and tinsel droppings which blanket the city. And, of course, if you do them around the magnificent Christmas balls and ho’s.

Oh, dear! I think that might have come out wrong.😯

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It Takes Speshul Eyes

Bow Tie o’ the Day reminds me of hunting pheasants with my dad, which we sometimes did from as close as our own back yard. I ordered Bow Tie with Dad and hunts in mind. But when it showed up to live with me, I knew immediately it was sort of an oopsie. This is a bow tie whose idea was better than its execution. It is pretty enough, but it just doesn’t show itself off to spectators very well. Ya can’t see the pheasants! When I’m wearing Bow Tie, no one can decipher what’s on it unless they creep right up into my face. And “creep” is the right word because when people I’m not married to or who aren’t babies get that close to my face, it feels creepy. Seriously, that degree of up-close is what I refer to as I-can-count-your-nose-hairs-without-even-trying-you-creep close. Yeah, that kind of close.

I love Bow Tie anyway, despite how it sometimes creates awkward situations for me. It’s silk, too, which feels elegant. And it still reminds me of Dad.

When I was wee, every year after bagging our pheasants, he’d stick a couple of handsome pheasant tail feathers into an empty rifle shell, then crimp it closed. VOILA! I would throw that feather-and-shell toy as high and as far as I could for hours, watching its feathery trajectory plop it back to the dirt. Best. Childhood. Toy. Ever. Thanks, Dad.

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A Seriously Busy Month

October is a jam-packed month, in terms of awareness/causes and celebrations. I plan to address as many as possible. The neckwear and I won’t be doing Oktoberfest, yet again. I haven’t celebrated that doozy since 2006, which is the right thing for yours truly. You’ll have to tackle that one on your own, if you are so inclined. Halloween, of course, is the bigly party deal of the entire month. And then there are the various hunts going on up in them thar hills. I was born to celebrate all that hubbub.

Skitter showed support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month yesterday, decked out in her pink. Today, her hat represents that cause. In addition, she’s hoping her purple Tie o’ the Day calls your attention to Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

Skitter and I have chatted about domestic abuse, and we decided on something to say to y’all about it: Hey, folks, that all-encompassing commandment about loving one another– I think that’s supposed to start in your own home. Just a thought.

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Just Imagine. Or Don’t!

Bow Ties o’ the Day made me aware that this style of hat is “in” this fall. I have no earthly idea what its style is called, however, so I decided it’s kind of a Mickey-Mouse-meets-Goober-Pyle piece of headwear. I’d wear one. My fave dress here is the see-through one. C’mon– you have to admit it’s the most interesting outfit. And I like the boots on the right “me” too. They are fascinatingly chunkerrific.

Looking at this ad got me cogitating about the “me/un-me” theme in my posts earlier this week, and then that started me thinking about the following: What if I were triplets?! Yikes. Would all three of us wanna be “me” at the same time, and “un-me” at the same time? And if we (3) were all bipolar, would that double (x 2) our crazy-head issues? Would that make us virtually 6 clash-fashion geniuses?

Oh, contemplating the slapstick which would ensue from that triplet-y lightning strike drains me. It makes me tired to broach even the pretend possibilities. And afraid. To imagine it makes me very afraid.

Hark! I am satisfied to be just one, bipolarized “me.” One of me will do, thank you.

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Grace Anne Is A Cougar. I Am Not.

I’m sporting UTE Bow Tie o’ the Day for the second time this week. BYU Tie o’ the Day is all for Gracie. It’s not her fault she’s a Cougar. Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette are responsible for her Cougar-osity, as it should be. GO, UTES!

I am a Delta Rabbit. I’m also a Weber State Wildcat. I am even a University of Maryland (BC) Labrador. But I actually consider myself to be, first and foremost, a UTE. Back in the olden days, I studied and taught at the University of Utah for a few years while I was in Graduate School.

I never attended BYU, although when I was in high school, I did take a week-long BYU-sponsored writing workshop somewhere in some mountains near Provo, and it was taught by two BYU professors. Even though I was named Best Poet at the workshop, I did not turn into a Cougar. I generally root for the Cougars if they’re not playing against the U. It doesn’t kill me to switch sides. A rivalry does not mean you have to “hate” the other team, but it helps to do so at times. Fantastic pranks have been born of “rivalry hate.”

Certainly, if you’re betting actual money on any rivalry game, bet with your head. Bet on the best team, even if you’ll be betting against the team you love. You don’t have to tell everybody you bet against your heart’s team, and you can still wear your true team’s fan garb as you cheer your lungs out for them– losers though they might be, some years. With your secret winnings– from betting against your loser team– treat your pals from both sides of the rivalry to post-game ice cream and pizza. Nobody will care how you got the money.

GO, UTES!

FYI If you’re hanging onto your naive notion that Cougar fans don’t commit the sin of betting (money or otherwise), please take the opportunity right now to return to reality. It’ll be so nice to see you again when you get back.

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The Most Wonderful Day O’ The Year

It’s National Bow Tie Day, and you know my bow tie choices are seemingly endless. I started out with a clever bow tie-covered Ascot o’ the Day, then I switched to a bow tie-covered infinity scarf. From that look, I sort of morphed into a Bow Tie o’ the Day decked out in bow ties– with matching pocket square, and a bow tied baseball cap. Later in the day, I turned up in a bow tied t-shirt and hat, topped off by a well placed wood mustache Bow Tie o’ the Day. (All the bow tie stuff hails from BEAU TIES LTD. of Vermont, except the mustache bow tie.)

Skitter grudgingly humored me by wearing the bow tie Hairband o’ the Day. She didn’t like it one bit though, and she’s usually fine about joining in my bow tie games. I hope she’s not sick. Or sick of me.

The “Kiss Citrus” bow tie you see here is the gift Suzanne gave me for National Bow Tie Day. She has no idea she got me a gift. Well, I guess she knows she got me one now.

Who the heck do I think I’m kidding?! Every August 28 is National Bow Tie Day, that’s a fact. But from where I sit, every day of the year is an exciting bow tie holiday to me. I have a tough time sleeping every night because of all the anticipation I feel about being able to wear a bow tie the next day. It’s like I live a speshul National Bow Tie Day Entire Life. I cannot complain one iota.