It took harnessing all the lightning bolt power of my supercharged Bow Tie o’ the Day, but we did finally get inside the famous Powell’s City of Books—the planet’s largest new/used bookstore. Along with seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert, Powell’s was why we chose to visit Portland in the first place, especially at this time of year. The day after we got to Powell’s and the place was closed because of the weather, we were back and the doors were open to us. For what seemed like a minute anyway. We happened to get there at around 4 PM. We would have hours to explore the books! But nope! The sign on the door told us they were closing at 5 PM, so their valued employees could get home safely in the icy weather. YAY for them—both Powell’s management and staff. NOT-YAY for us—book-lovin’ visitors from out of state. Once inside, Suzanne went one direction. I went another. I followed my Powell’s fold-out map to the poetry section, and by the time the announcement came at a bit before 5 to herd us customers into the check-out line and out the front door, I hadn’t even begun to scan the highest shelves of poetry. In the slim sliver of time we were allowed in the bookstore, we did manage to find a few books we wanted, so we didn’t leave empty-handed. However, I know we didn’t come close to having the kind of authentic Powell’s experience we would have had if that dastardly snow storm hadn’t visited the city the same week we did. I suppose that’s a good excuse to vacay in Portland again sometime—when Portland is more Portland-y, and Powell’s is more Powell’s-y. And when we don’t have to buy a hunting license, buckshot, and a shotgun in order to procure our own food. Yeah, that’s it. It’s an excuse for a do-over, a Mulligan. When the current Portland aftertaste of this less-than-nowhere-resembling-a-perfect trip is out of my mouth, I’ll get right on that.
FYI I’ll wrap up our Portland experience in tomorrow’s two posts. You’ll hear about our inadvertent, after-dark trip to the zoo when it was closed, and you’ll finally hear how the Bruce concert went. I will be using a plethora of superlatives to describe The Boss, so bring your thesauri to read TIE O’ THE DAY.
This photo of me and Rowan was taken when we were still living in Ogden, about 15 years ago. We were both growing out our hair, which we eventually chopped off and donated to Locks of Love—to be made into wigs for kids with cancer who’ve lost their hair because of chemo treatments. I re-post the pictures because I have always referred to them as “my Bruce pics with Rowan” since they’re vaguely reminiscent of the cover of Bruce Springsteen’s album, BORN IN THE USA.In less than a week, Suzanne and I will be belted in our seats on a plane headed to Portland, OR. We are going there so I can finally see my longtime songwriter-throb, Bruce Springsteen, in concert. His band, The E Street Band, will be backing him, too, minus The Big Man, the late Clarence Clemons—whose masterfully played saxophone made the 14-year-old me hold my breath more than once when I first listened to the BORN TO RUN cassette tape I found abandoned in the kitchen junk drawer of my kidhood. As far as concerts go, I have seen them all. At least, all the bands I’ve wanted to see—except Bruce. When we are in Portland, that will finally change. In terms of music, my unofficial Concert Bucket List will be completed. Oh, I certainly won’t be done attending concerts. There just won’t be any more music artists I’ve gotta see in concert so I can die in peace—with my life’s spectacular soundtrack stuck in my head.💿
I found the perfect Valentine’s Day Tie o’ the Day for me: a Nicole Miller necktie full of paisley hearts. We left Skitter home while we went to dinner last night. The poor thing sat around the house all by herself, wearing her very own lipstick-and-lips Tie o’ the Day for the occasion. Meanwhile, Suzanne and I went to dinner at the Oasis Cafe in downtown SLC. We had a groove-tastic conversation—as we always do. (The food rated only a “meh” review from me, so I doubt we’ll revisit the place.) I, of course, wore my heart-covered, Suzanne-made cape on our evening outing. I did manage to see someone else sporting a different type of eye-catching cape at the restaurant, as well. I had to be low-key to take this photo of the other cape, and I apologize for not being able to get close enough to it to find out what it was made of. But believe me, its feather-like, petal-like look was stunning. However, I still prefer my own cape, to be sure. It flies me around the sky oh-so very well.
There was a minor scuffle in the Tie Room today. When I went up to calm things down amongst the neckwear, I found the entire group of my made-from-feathers Bow Ties o’ the Day gathered in protest. They were there with their tiny microphones and signs—their cell phones pointed and filming in every direction in case something juicy happened. It seems they were upset because I haven’t worn them often enough for their liking. I realized they were right. They haven’t been in the TIE O’ THE DAY rotation regularly. I haven’t paid much attention to them for a very long time. During our public negotiations, I promised them I would change: I need to re-examine how often I wear them. I also promised them reparations in the form of agreeing to wear each of them during the next week. Peace now fills the Tie Room again. I was wrong. I admit it. And now we can all get back to business. I wish more people would admit when they are wrong, then move on.
An Emily Dickinson poem declares to us that “Hope is the thing with feathers—/That perches in the soul—.” It’s that invincible slice of fire in us that makes us go forth when we would really rather be stagnant—whether out of fear of what’s next, doubt about how to continue, or an apparent lack of energy to sally forth. The smallest hope in each of us can kick our metaphorical and literal butts off the couch and out into the world of living a life—if we let it. Hope keeps us ticking when our situation is looking dire. Sadly, some of us are currently in such a state that we have nary a spark of hope left inside at all. In all reality, it’s more than likely every one of us has run out of hope at least once in their lives. Personally, in those times of a hope-drought in my life, that’s when I was fed by other people’s hope. Sometimes people shared their hope with me, and I tried with all my heart to take it in. I fed off seeing those people moving—with their kind hope—through tough times and into their more hopeful futures. Sometimes I flat-out stole the hope I saw and heard in others. I stole their tidy inspirational quotes and attitudes. I stole acts of service I had watched them perform for others, and then I performed those same acts of service for others when I could see the need. I want to repeat this and make it clear: I didn’t just borrow a cup of hope—I stole all the hope I could. Me—I’m the Hope Burglar. I had to trust what I stole and use it to kindle my own feathery hope into being again. It is because of needing to replenish my own hope that I learned an important lesson about it. Stealing hope is not against any law of the universes. Nobody loses anything in the transaction. Everybody gains. True hope, in fact, encourages a kind of promiscuity. It likes to get around. True hope wants to abide within every one of us. Hope, by its very nature, wants to invite everyone to its party.
For nearly well over a year, I kept my head hairs shaved to a field of mere stubble. A few months ago, I decided it was time to grow out my head fur again—to have my head go for a more hirsute look. The growing season of my head hairs has been as shapeless and tedious as I expected. Recently, I realized my hairs are currently at what I term “Walken-length,” as in Christopher Walken. When one’s hairs are at Walken-length, it is a sure sign from the gods: it is time for me and my pink Bow Tie o’ the Day to schedule a visit to my hair magician, Miss Tiffany. 🤡
Here are a few old “photos” of my face in various X-mas guises; a couple of past holiday TIE O’ THE DAY selfies; and a wee collection of Christmas-related memes I enjoyed when they showed up on my computer screen this year. Enjoy!
I am Helen Skellington, with a bigly Bow Tie o’ the Day. (Say that name 3 times, really fast.)The suit suits me—but it needs a tie.My true self, right down to the toothache.Proud o’ my redneck heritage, always.My holidogs Tie o’ the Day.Just sayin.’I wish the creators of memes would double-check their spelling before they post them.Another point of view.A Coke nativity.For all of you last-minute gift shoppers.
I have so much more to say about the banning of books. I could write forever more addressing the topic. However, I think this will be final post about the subject—for the time being, at least. I’m sure you get the gist of how rabidly I’m against banning books. Y’all are probably ready for me to move on to lighter subjects. With that in mind, I’m wearing my rafter o’ turkeys Tie o’ the Day, in honor of Thanksgiving being just two days away.
I am writing this post about my own experience, as just one example. It’s about books and being gay. I have no so-called “gay agenda,” nor have I ever come across one, so I doubt such a thing exists—except in the mouths of pundits on TV. I am merely telling my story to make a point or two, and my story happens to be about books in a school library, and growing up as a gay teenager in a rural Utah high school, during the late 70’s and early 80’s. I’m sorry if my life offends you. I’m not sorry for my life, mind you.
Back in the olden days, when I was young, Delta High School was not just the high school. It was also the junior high. Students moved from 6th grade directly to the high school back then. 7th and 8th graders were not technically high schoolers, but we were in the high school with them. Grades 7-12 used the high school library. There were no computers there at the time. There was no internet. There were wooden card catalogs full of index cards for each book. There were books, and records, and newspapers, and prints of masterpieces of art in the DHS library. I spent my lunch time there almost every day.
Miss Hansen was in charge when I got there in 7th grade. She was an outstanding librarian, therefore, we were blessed to have a fine library—much better than libraries in schools of similar size, i.e., libraries in other small rural high schools in Utah. I know our library was exceptional because when we traveled to the other schools to compete with them in sports, I somehow managed to sneak into the opposing schools’ libraries to see what they had to offer. The DHS library out-classed them all. The DHS library was where, when I was in 7th grade, I found a novel about the post-Civil War era, which name I don’t now recall, and I first learned about Juneteenth, for example. It’s not a new “woke” thing. It’s a celebration that has been in existence since 1866. Because of that library, I have known of it since I was 12. I had no way of knowing back then that, in the 90’s, I would teach in a middle school whose student population was 100% black. I learned about black history and culture from books in the DHS library. Little did I know, those books had prepared me to be a better teacher for my middle school students. Little tidbits of what I learned in the DHS library about a culture so mysterious and far removed from my own rural, white, Mormon culture I grew up in helped me to connect with my students in ways other white teachers in my school could not. In the DHS library, I devoured every library book I had time for—about a multitude of subjects.
But the splendid DHS library lacked a key thing. It did not have any book that connected to me in one key way. I knew I was gay and I was struggling to understand it, but I found no book that reflected what I was going through. Not one. There was no character in a book that I could identify with. According to the books on the shelves, I did not even exist—or maybe I wasn’t supposed to exist. I was a good student. I was a good Mormon. But I did not exist on the shelves of my own school’s library. Nobody talked about being “gay” seriously at that time. I myself tried mightily to ignore that part of me. There were plenty of comments and jokes, though. Some were aimed directly at me. Some were just teenagers cracking gay jokes where I could hear them. Listen, I’m not whining about all of that. It made me tough. It made me savvy. All in all, I had a wonderful childhood in Delta. I was smart enough to understand that people—especially teenagers—have a tendency to either get angry or poke fun at what they don’t understand. Adults should know better, although they often don’t. These people were my friends, and I doubted their goal was to hurt me. But it caused harm to me and other gay students, nonetheless. It wasn’t okay. With every sarcastic comment, every joke, the messages piled up: because I was gay, I was a joke and had no value or morals. I was less than. I had no right to be treated with dignity. And there was no room in the community for me to be me. I never felt friendless—just sad and alien. I knew the jokes came from ignorance, not meanness. Still, they took a toll on me anyway.
I don’t recall a day at DHS when there was not at least one snide comment or joke aimed in my direction, even though I had never publicly told anyone that I was gay. Gradually, I felt smaller and smaller as my years in DHS continued. I was often suicidal. I made a few genuine but halfhearted suicide attempts. I clearly did not want to die, but it began to feel as if my community wanted me to. I felt that I was supposed to rid the community of me. I had a near-constant feeling that eradicating my “evil” self was what almost everyone seemed to want me to do—because their routine anti-gay comments told me I had no right to honorably exist as who I was. I didn’t talk to my parents about being gay when I was at DHS, because I assumed they would have no idea how to help me. And I thought that if they knew the truth about me, they might not love me as ferociously as I knew they did. (Of course, they would have, and always have loved me, but I was a dumb teenager and I wasn’t so sure back then.) I went to an ecclesiastical leader for help to change who I was, and I was surprised to find that it did me much more harm than good. I pretended to be and live as a straight person every day. Obviously, I was not very good at it. I routinely attempted to negate myself. Even as I tried to disappear, I have no doubt I developed my wide sense of humor into a kind of shield to protect the real me, by distracting others—by making them laugh. I did put up a good front.
I was fortunate to have a couple of DHS teachers who could see what was going on with me probably even better than I could. They accepted me just by having conversations with me about books and art and ballet and classical music and politics. We never referenced my sexuality. They gave me slivers of hope that I could be okay just by being me. They valued me. I had a couple of Mutual teachers who did the same. Those four incredible women are still in my prayers of gratitude every day. One day, at the end of a class, I was having a conversation with Nancy Conant (legendary DHS math teacher) about the country’s politics at the time. Without once mentioning my sexuality, she said the following to me as I was leaving her room: “Listen to me. The longer you put off being who you really are, the more people you will hurt when you finally discover you can’t pretend anymore to be someone you’re not.” I sort of understood what she meant at the time. As I found my place in the world, I understood it more deeply with each passing year. My talk with Mrs. Conant happened near the beginning of my Junior year. And that’s when I knew I had to get out of Delta. I couldn’t take not being seen as a valued human being for one more year. I knew I would literally not live through my Senior year. I was getting more serious about wanting to die. I had enough credits to graduate after my Junior year, and so I did. A week after I graduated, I moved to Ogden and started college at Weber State. Immediately, I was treated with dignity by almost everyone I met. Nobody knew me or anything about me. I could breathe as myself. And in Weber State’s Stewart Library, I found books that reflected my experience (I also found Suzanne in the Stewart library a couple of years later). I found stories that were representative of my struggles with my identity, inside bookstores everywhere I went.
I am asking you to imagine how much difference it would have made to me and other gay DHS students (Yes, I was not the only one) if there had been even one book on the DHS library shelves that reflected what we were going through. Just one book that validated our right to exist. One book that said we had value. Just one book that showed us we could have meaningful and successful futures in the larger world. A book that acknowledged we were not jokes, but human beings who could contribute much to our communities. One book that said it was possible for us to love and be loved for a lifetime. Just to stand in front of such a book on a shelf in the DHS library would have said to us and every other DHS student that we gay students were human beings and every bit as important and treasured as every other student. After providing books directly related to enhancing the public education students are offered, the very least a public high school library has a duty to do is to provide books that represent every student’s experience and worth. Not just white kids. Not just Mormon kids. Not just straight kids. Every kid in a school’s student body is owed that respect and acknowledgment by their community.
Statistically, in every culture throughout recorded history, around 1 in 10 persons born is gay. That means approximately 1 in 10 students is gay. I can attest that this statistic was pretty accurate at DHS when I was a student there, and I have no reason to think it’s any different now. A public school has no right to create a library void of books that reflect the experiences of 10% of its student population. Please keep in mind that a public school is a gift, an American right. It is not a church. And no American has the right to try to make it one. 📖 📚 📗📕📘
BTW: A final thought from me, for you to ponder: The most dangerous books are the one’s you don’t read.
Even Bow Tie o’ the Day can see it’s still a toss-up in regard to which of the two major political parties will come out on top in tomorrow’s election. Our very own Chia busts, Mitt and Barry, are sprouting robustly on the sides and in back of their pottery noggins—representing their respective political parties well. However, both Mitt and Barry are sprouting poorly directly on top. What does all this Chia growth predict for the 2022 election outcomes? I’m thinking that it’s a safe bet neither party is gonna run away with all the spoils, which is always a good thing.
This FB memory from August 2018 is the follow-up to the one I re-posted yesterday, but check back later this afternoon for a fresh TIE O’ THE DAY post. It will be the first in a series I’ll be posting about me and my lifelong relationship with books. That topic might not sound exciting enough to be worthy of even one post—let alone a series of posts—but I think you’ll be sufficiently entertained when you read about my myriad o’ book ramblings.
But for now, check out the following re-post, written a few weeks after my very first Cranky Hanky Panky surgery:
AND THEN THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I got approved and educated in Farmington today. At my doc appointment, I got the okey-dokey to take my torso with me on vacation in a couple of weeks. It’s allowed to fly with me on an airplane. The little piece of my pancreas that’s left in me was so excited about being able to go that it clapped. Really, it did. I heard it and felt it. And I know what my Hanky Panky’s capable of, better than anyone else does. (I’ve gotta change Panky’s name since what’s left of it seems to be working sufficiently. Hmmm.)
I learned a new word while the doc was pushing and poking at my belly with his hands: “crepitus.” Doc said he was checking to see if he could feel or hear any of this crepitus thing. And then I said, “That word sounds captivating. What is it?” I so much wanted him to tell me I have crepitus, so I could tell everybody I have crepitus, so I could have an excuse to say crepitus over and over. Crepitus, crepitus, crepitus. And even after the doc defined “crepitus” and told me it isn’t something anyone wants to have, I still wished I had some of it.
Doc told me the short version. Crepitus is air bubbles under your skin or in subcutaneous tissues. It’s a sign of air leaking from/to somewhere it shouldn’t. (After surgery, it can occur on rare occasions.) What he said next is what made me want it. Apparently, the crepitus bubbles feel like Rice Krispies when you’re feeling around, and they sound like Rice Crispies doing their snap, crackle, pop. Sometimes the sound can be heard with the naked ear– or in my case, the naked hearing aid. No stethoscope necessary. Who in their daring, right mind wouldn’t want to be full of crepitation? Alas, I have no Rice Krispies traveling in my innards. Looking at and listening to a bowl of the cereal can’t be the same as having the things move around under your skin. Dang.
After being educated about this new word, I felt compelled to honor public education. To do it, I drove past Farmington High School on my way home. It is FHS’s inaugural year. Brand spanking new. Bow Tie and I stopped to snap a photo of the place, and I’m sure you can guess the reason. A pop-out, grab-ya color. Yellow-orange. Now that’s a building that says HERE I AM! COME IN AND LEARN!
I also drove past Canyon Creek Elementary, which is about a mile from FHS. Its colors are not pop-y in the least. The earthy colors are fine, but match-y. I almost didn’t include this second photo on the post because it didn’t look very interesting. But then I saw IT. And I knew you had to see IT too: my hair in the wind. I’m wearing Trump hair!
HERE’S A P.S. FROM THE PREVIOUS RE- POST: The “allergy bee” —the bee whose sting indicated I had developed an allergy to bee stings—stung me in my hand. My entire hand and forearm swelled up like Popeye’s. To ease the throbbing pain of the swelling, I had to hold my hand up and my fingers pointed to the ceiling. The allergy incident occurred on a Saturday, and I was scheduled to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting the next day. It was too painful to let my arm hang down naturally for even the few minutes of my talk. So there I stood on the Sabbath, pontificating from the podium— my engorged Popeye forearm pointed straight up. It appeared as if I was sustaining myself for the entire ten minutes of my talk. Ward members didn’t act like anything weird was going on. I’m sure they thought I was just expressing another one of my eccentricities.
Delta wind is a force unto itself. If you have never experienced it, but want to feel it for yourself, I recommend you don’t confront it alone. Yes, you need a spotter with you. The Delta wind’s superpower is not necessarily its speed, but its quirkiness. It comes out of nowhere, and it leaves the same way. It might last 10 minutes or 10 days. When dormant, the Delta wind lurks quietly and perpetually in the background, until it finally unfurls itself—wildly, and in uneven gusts—to remind you that you’re merely mortal. And the Delta wind reminds you the material objects human beings think they own are really just on temporary loan from the cosmos until/unless the Delta wind decides it wants to take them back. The Delta wind owns each of us who is familiar with it, right down to our very dust. The Delta wind will surely outlast us all.
The following is a revision of a post from 2018.
THE DELTA WIND MISPLACED MY KITE
Bow Tie o’ the Day begged to head outside to experience the concept of wind. I explained to Bow Tie what it is, and why it exists. I also explained that any wind that shows up in Centerville, UT is not “real” wind.
Dirt devils in the desert are also not real wind. Tornadoes and hurricanes are not real wind. Those breezes are merely a taste of wind. Even the wind in Chicago, which is known as The Windy City, is not real wind. If you want to experience real wind, you have to spend time in Delta, UT. It’s not even a contest. Delta wins.
I’ve observed the Delta wind blow cats out of trees. On many occasions, I have seen the wind there blow bigly dogs over while they tried to potty. I have regularly seen the Delta wind move sheds, lawnmowers, trampolines, and even bags o’ golf clubs. And, I kid you not, I once saw the Delta wind blow a chainsaw off a picnic table. Where it ended up, I can only imagine.
I myself was once blown over onto a washboard road while riding my bike in a Delta wind, and my bike was nowhere to be found after I uprighted myself and managed to dust myself off. I have seen Delta wind blow herds of humongous tumbleweeds against fences, covering the fences so thoroughly—and artfully—that the fences themselves were not visible. In fact, I once saw the wind in Delta blow so ferociously that it threw a bazillion acres of tumbleweeds so high into the air that they actually disappeared. And when gravity was finally able to pull them back down to earth, it appeared as if the heavens had opened wide and were raining tumbleweeds down upon the whole of Millard County. That, my friends, is wind. And trust me, there is no umbrella for tumbleweed rain.
