Category: Family

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Got Flakes? Got Dad?

One snowflake Bow Tie o’ the Day. Four snowflake Ties o’ the Day. Just snowflakes.

I have almost nothing to say about snowflakes except that I love watching them fall to earth– especially when I’m watching them through a picture window, as I’m sitting in a toasty house eating ice cream. Hills of ice cream are the only cold things I want to experience. The cold that snow needs in order to survive makes me cold. That’s all it does for me.

I certainly don’t enjoy winter sports, although I have tried most of them– just in case I liked one enough to suffer through the freezing part. There is no sport or activity of any kind that I enjoy participating in enough to play/do it in cold weather. I’ll watch winter sports and programs on TV, and I’ll smile at how grand the background snow looks, but that’s as close as I’ll get to being anywhere actually in it.

Dad felt the same as I do about cold weather. Whenever we watched M*A*S*H*, if it was an episode in which the characters were freezing, it gave Dad the shivers and made him cringe. Dad had to mention it every time one of those episodes played. But he liked the show enough to keep watching despite the story’s temperature.

Dad died in the first week of December, in 2007. It was cold, and there was snow on the ground. Dad would have liked to survey the winter scene from his picture window in his own home, in his own chair, while he read The Salt Lake Tribune and dozed off. And he would have enjoyed driving through the chilly landscape in his warm truck, characteristically on the lookout for coyotes. He wouldn’t be doing either of those things anymore.

Despite the gray cold, the Delta cemetery was a picturesque scene on the day we let Dad go to his nap in the ground. As his casket was lowered into the earth, I wished I’d been able to swaddle him in his favorite quilt Mom made for him. It was lavender. And it would have kept him warm.

Holiday Tie Tally: 10 Bow Ties. 19 Neckties. So far.

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Our First Neckwear Three-fer O’ The Season

We have to remember we aren’t the only ones trying to get in shape and drop a little poundage for the holiday parties, at which we will show off our new skinny bodies and our ugly sweaters. Or something like that. Ties o’ the Day help us remember that Santa, his helpers, and his reindeer have to build up their muscles and stamina for the 24-hour, worldwide event called Christmas. We think we’re in a frenzy to pick out gifts, decorate, and cook–  but nope. These dudes are really the ones who frenzy around to give Christmas its material joy. The least we can do is to leave the rotund guy a cookie or two, and hope he shares his cookie haul with all his support staff. Of course, I do not leave a glass of milk for the jolly ol’ boy. I leave a tall glass of Diet Coke. I figure Santa needs the caffeine.

Bow Tie o’ the Day offers us some Billy Bob Thornton, as a grossly bad Santa, from the movie BAD SANTA. That movie is not a Xmas classic. I’ve actually never been able to get through the entire movie, so I can’t recommend it. Why did I buy Bad Santa Bow Tie then? Because I didn’t already have one like it.

But I’ve changed. My bow tie collection feels almost complete. I’m at the point that unless a bow tie captures my attention from at least forty feet away, I’m not all that interested in adding it to my collection. I still have an incredible fervor for the little critters. I just have a bit of the been-there-done-that feeling about the less dazzling bow ties. I suppose it’s sort of like when you’re in your having-kids years, and one day you just know you’re done adding to your family. You’ve had enough babies. Your family feels whole. You get a feeling about it. No more babies, please and thank you.

I have no biological children. I decided when I was very young that giving birth to babies was not on my Bucket List. As I have probably mentioned here before, I thought my genes should end with me. I’m convinced that if my body created a kid, that poor child would have all of my worst physical attributes: My kid would have bad hair, bad teeth, too-big boobs, and be bipolar. I would not feel good about myself if I did that to a child of God. (Especially if it was a boy– with that big boob characteristic.)

But I do have two sons– one with an ex and one with Suzanne. One kid at a time was enough for me. Those boys are what I needed in my life. I love the men they are now. I tried to teach them what my parents taught me. And I can say without exaggeration that neither Devon nor Rowan ever left the house– or went to bed at night– without being told they were loved. Oh, and I always added, as they left the house: Remember your “please”s and “thank you”s. They have each reported to me how that advice has helped them become successful in their lives.

FYI   I will post more about the amazing Devon and Rowan in the future. Believe it or not, there are some topics– Devon being chief among them– I’m not yet ready to write about here. Yes, I have a filter. Yes, I have places in my heart which I have a tough time re-visiting. But I’ll keep getting things worked out, and you’ll read about it– because these posts are a kind of memoir, and I’ve sworn to tell the truth. The whole truth. So help me, whatever god makes you a better person.

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I Lack Gift Wrapping Skills

Bow Tie o’ the Day presents an icon from a classic Christmas film: the moose-shaped glass from which the Griswold’s supped eggnog in CHRISTMAS VACATION. I have watched that movie at least 8,000 times, and I will watch it at least 8,000 more times before I die. I hope I can watch it 8,000 more times in Heaven/Hell– wherever I’m going to end up. This movie’s humor just never gets un-funny.

Yesterday, I asked Suzanne what kind of sewing machine she wants me to get her for Christmas this year. And do you know what she said for the first time ever? She said she doesn’t need one. I can’t believe she finally has enough sewing machines. (Don’t worry. I know it won’t last.) Last year I got her an embroidery machine, and I guess that topped off her collection. But now I’m stuck with trying to figure out what present to get her for Christmas. I know I can do exactly what I’ve done for the last year: hand her my laptop and my debit card, and let her go wild for every gifty occasion. The great thing about doing that is that I’m the one who gets surprised at the gifts I gave her for Christmas, birthday, Mothers Day, or whatever. That’s kinda fun for me to see what “I” got her.

But I would like to surprise Suzanne this Christmas. We already have two vacations planned for Spring and early Summer, so a trip is probably not the most surprisey thing to give her. She has every sewing/crafting/quilting/crocheting/etc. machine and/or gadget and supply known to mankind, so it can’t be something of that ilk. I’m stymied.

To make matters worse, our legal wedding anniversary is two days before Xmas, so there’s yet another gift I have to figure out. If Suzanne and I last until December 23– and there’s a pretty good chance we will– this will be our 5th anniversary. Traditionally, the proper gift for the 5th anniversary is supposed to be something wood. She won’t want a wood bow tie, so I gotta nix that. We don’t have a fireplace, so chopping her a pile of wood is unnecessary. I doubt books qualify as wood. She gets seasick, so a wood canoe won’t cut the mustard. Once more, I’m stymied.

See, I really have been putting a great deal of thought into what gifts to get Suzanne. I don’t wait until the last minute to shop for gifts, but clearly I’ve got a bit more cogitating to do. When I finally think of gifts, they are absolutely perfect for the intended recipient. I am a superb gift giver. Suzanne doesn’t have that particular talent. But I’ll save that story for another post, another day. I need to write it and post it on a day I can be sure Suzanne won’t have time to read it.

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I Must Be Losing My Touch

Tie o’ the Day reeks of prettiness. Just gaze at it a sec. See what I mean?

Hat o’ the Day is a new addition to my hat club. It showed up in my mailbox yesterday. I was not surprised at its arrival because– of course– I ordered it. Duh!

Anyhoo… My main bow tie supplier is Beau Ties Limited of Vermont. In my post photos, you’ve often seen me in their t-shirts and hats, as well as their bow ties. They make a bunch of misc. other stuff. For example, I have drinking glasses and a coffee mug with their bow tie logo stamped on them. And then there are the playing cards with bow tie backs. And a bow tie-emblazoned water bottle. And a lovely bow tie logo Christmas ornament they just sent me. And on and on. Heck, you can even send Beau Ties Limited of Vermont one of your neckties and they’ll turn it into a bow tie for you.

This sleep cap is a new item they’re peddling. I had to have one. It looks stunning, and that alone is enough reason to fork out a couple of bucks. But there is a practical reason I “need” this cap: My ears are cold from October to May, and I need a little sumpin’ sumpin’ to keep my ear tips warm. I like to sleep in a freezing bedroom, so this is a fashionable alternative to wearing a regular old beanie while I sleep.

A funny thing already happened to me and my new night cap. Last night, on our way home from our dinner/movie event at the U, Suzanne and I stopped to get the mail. There was a little package with my name on it, and I knew exactly what it was. At home, I opened my package while Suzanne was upstairs. I fell in love with my new sleep hat and immediately put it on. So there I was– sittin’ in the loveseat, wearing my glorious sleep hat, watching LivePD, and generally being me. Suzanne came downstairs and sat in the loveseat next to me. Picture it: I’m wearing my not-so-tame hat she’s never seen before. You can see it’s a silly, long, red-and-black flannel hat. With a tassel!!!! Suzanne said nothing about it. Nada. Not one word.

For five minutes, I waited for some kind of reaction from Suzanne. A word, a snicker, rolling eyes– a response of any kind. Nothing. Finally, I said, “Hey, do you notice anything different about me?” And she said something like, “Yeah. I saw your hat.” And then she immediately went back to looking through her JOANN’s sale ads.

Are my shenanigans getting dull, or is Suzanne starting to take my weirdness for granted? Either way, I gotta revamp my schtick.

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Helen Sr. And Her Grandbishop

Tie o’ the Day is worn by Bishop Travis– Mom’s favorite grandchild. Of course, each of Mom’s grandchildren is her favorite. Just ask each one, and they’ll tell you they’re THE favorite.

Mom has had quite the quorum of visitors since she’s taken up residence at MCR. The Delta clan and Delta friends, her sister– Rosalie, Rosalie’s daughter– Natalie, Ron and Marie, Betty and Kent, Travis and Collette, Judie Curtis, Julie Damron, and plenty more. I’ve visited her a few times myself. She’s been living there only about a month and has received a trail of guests already. She is not lonely. And if nobody from outside MCR ever went to visit Mom, she’d still not be lonely. Most of the other residents are her longtime friends. And the staff dotes on her. So many of them have grown up knowing her, and eating her various treat creations.

Man, is she happy there! We hoped she would be. We knew she would be if she decided to be. But the transition itself was tough for her– until she actually got there. Truth be told, it was probably harder on us kids. Hell, I say “kids” despite the fact that we’re a hop, ski, and a jump from being old enough to move in there with her. I’m the baby of the family and I’m fifty-damn-four. I’ve always known I’m a big baby.

Almost everybody thinks their mom is the Best. Mom. Ever. Likewise, I feel the same about Mom. As an adult, I once had a friend– who had met Mom only once– say to me, “I wish my mom loved me as much as your mom loves you.” I’ve had other friends who’ve met her only briefly say similar things. Mom’s love shows. I was born lucky, and I know it. Mom is just plain cool.

BTW  Check out Mom’s hair. It’s all did for the week. And yes, she still tells everyone she needs a permanent. She will start saying the same thing a week after she gets her next one.

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Mom And I Are A Handful

Mom enjoyed the snowmen on Tie o’ the Day (see this morning’s post photo). She occasionally had to reach over and feel Tie’s silkiness. And the cape Suzanne made me (see this morning’s post photo)? Mom could not get enough of it. She couldn’t model the cape around the facility though, because it was way too large for her. It would have trailed behind her like a lengthy wedding dress train. And then she would have tripped on it and fallen and broken her other hip. I’m not a big gal, but Mom is gradually shrinking out of even small-size clothing. My cape was a hit with her anyway.

I sat with Mom in the MCR salon while she got her nails painted a sparkly, shimmery pink. She says she thinks it’s the first time she’s ever worn nail polish. Mom said she wanted her nails done so she can catch men. I’m tellin’ ya– if Mom were seriously on the market, she’d be snatched off the market pretty darn quickly. But she is adamant that she is not now– nor will she ever be– on the market. If the guy ain’t Dad, she’s got no interest in the dating game whatsoever.

Mom and I had a swell visit, and we had our usual loud barrel o’ laughs. I admit we are rambunctious when we get together. Today was no exception, as evidenced by the fact that we were given the shhhh-keep-it-down look by an old lady resident who can’t even hear. I don’t think the problem for this woman was the decibel level as much as it was jealousy that Mom and I were having a rip-roarin,’ free-wheelin,’ crazy time. Everyone at the center who saw us, except this one person, seemed to have fun watching and listening to me and Mom have a blast. This particular hard-of-hearing person who somehow hears things as excessively loud is a nice enough lady. I do remember she was in my church ward when I was a kid, and I also remember there wasn’t one week when she didn’t give me the shhhh sign in Sacrament Meeting. Oh, well. My bad.

I’ll be a better influence on Mom the next time I visit her. NOT.

BTW  Suzanne was working today, so I drove down to Delta to see Mom by myself. However, before I left the house, Suzanne told me I had to go to Mom’s Crafts while I was in town– for 10 1/2 yards of quilt fabric. She told me to not bother coming home if I didn’t get the fabric. I cannot win. Fabric stores have become my destiny, and I don’t even sew.

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Up Early. Must Beat Rush Hour Traffic.

Tie o’ the Day and Cape o’ the Day are headed out the door with me before dawn, to take one of our lickety-split drives to Delta to see Mom– and we’ll be back this afternoon in time for Judge Judy. Mom and Judge Judy! Two of my all-time fave bad-ass women!

I chose this particular Tie o’ the Day for Mom’s benefit. Mom has a thing for snowmen. Even though I’m not dragging out the daily holiday ties yet, Mom deserves to see this one. Here’s a piece of wisdom for you: There is nothing wrong with trying to make your Mom jolly– ever. If your mom likes snowmen, give her snowmen– no matter what time of year it is.

Cape o’ the Day is the reverse side of the skull/Frida cape I showed off last week. Mom’s gonna get a kick out of this too. She will especially swoon all over it when she finds out Suzanne made it. OMGolly, Suzanne can do no wrong, as far as Mom’s concerned. Suzanne’s general good behavior and craft ability help me get away with my shenanigans. I guess Suzanne’s kind of my redeeming quality, whether or not she’s present with me. Her upstanding essence will be traveling with me today, in the guise of my Suzanne-made cape.

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I Ask For A Cape, And I Receive A Cape. Voila!

Argyle Tie o’ the Day is proud to be a part of our Suzanne-sewn Cape o’ the Day’s debut. I’m purposely concealing the other side of this reversible cape, which I’ll save for a separate post. But ain’t this cape beyond funky?!?!

Don’t be thinking my new Suzanne-made cape is a Halloween cape. Nope. Sugar skulls– or any skull designs–  are fashionable every day of the year, and for almost every occasion. Holiday? Skulls work. Birthday? Skulls work. Date night? Skulls work. Church? Maybe not.

The bonus attribute of this cape’s colorful fabric is that Frida Kahlo’s face is repeated among the skulls. Kahlo was an incredible Mexican painter. Some of her self-portraits make me dizzy with sadness. This skull/Kahlo cape material is part of the treasure we found in Albuquerque– at the fabric store Suzanne treated like a shrine.

BTW Frida Kahlo and I share a trait: our almost-unibrow. It was sexy on her. I don’t know what it is on me.

I had to include the second photo in this post so you could get a look at my flashy blue and black-velveted pants, as well as my chicken-theme Sloggers. The lighting sucks where this door mirror is located. And since I seem to have started using the mirror for post pictures, it really ought to be moved to a location in the house where there is proper lighting.

The problem with moving the door mirror is that it weighs as much as my truck. It is not attached to anything. It’s simply propped up against a wall. But you can’t just pick it up and try out how the lighting works with it in different places around the house. There is no possible way we can ever heft the door mirror up the stairs either. It has stood in our entryway since the day we moved in six years ago, and even as I type this, I realize we will never move it. It’s  perfect and handsome right where it is.

I guess y’all will just have to live with the occasional crappily-lighted mirror photograph in a post. I’m not too worried. Heck, a cape this swell can outshine bad lighting any day o’ the week.

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What Else Can I Be?

Skitter can’t be in this photo because she’s outside pottying while wearing her french fries costume. She decided she didn’t want to wear any other costumes today. That’s how much she likes french fries. Spooky Tie o’ the Day provides decorative jack-o-lanterns for our Halloweening.

As you can see, I chose to wear a Helen A. Wright costume. How could I not? She claims she’s a witch. She claims Halloween is her day for riding her sharpened broom. She claims she is frightening when her hairs are not did.

Now, let me make some important comments about the finer points of this costume.

First– Mom’s hair. This is the best I could do to imitate Mom’s pre- Hair Day mop, cuz my hairs are now much longer than hers. If Mom’s hairs get out of control before Hair Day, she puts in a few curlers. She uses bobby pins to keep the curlers in place, but I have also seen her use toothpicks to do it when she can’t locate the bobby pins. Mom is creative when it comes to keeping the hairs in line. Don’t get me started on how many cans of hairspray she goes through in a week. And I must add that for some reason Mom always thinks she needs a perm. “My hair just needs a little oomph,” she says. “I need that height.”

The second item I need to explain is this set of reading glasses. I don’t know if you can see it, but the left lens is gone, and the right ear bar of the frame is gone too. This doesn’t mean Mom thinks the glasses should be thrown away. No, they should stick around– just in case. I managed to grab this pair one day when I saw its condition– forcing her to use the new pair I bought her.

Our third item needing commentary is the earrings. I borrowed these from Suzanne to give you an example, but they are not clip-on earrings like Mom likes to wear. Also, Mom prefers to wear earrings with a cluster of big colorful jewels. Mom will choose costume jewelry over precious stones every time. When Mom was still living in Delta, but was too frail to go to church, the ward priesthood guys brought the Sacrament to her at her house. She wore her duster and sat on the porch to wait for the Sacrament deliverers. And she insisted on wearing earrings for them, even though she was wearing a duster.

Fourth– the duster. Except for when Mom gussies up to attend church, I have not seen her dressed in anything but a duster for at least four years. It is her uniform. It’s like my ties are for me. It’s how we roll. BTW  Mom prefers to wear her worn out dusters rather than her newer ones. They are softer. And they are see-through. Sheer makes her happy, I guess.

Fifth– the socks. Although these are my socks, Mom would wear them in a heartbeat. She loves wild, comfy socks. For the last few years, crazy socks have been the only gifts Suzanne and I have given her for Christmas, birthday, and Mother’s Day. We are always on the lookout for bright, busy, soft ankle socks. Mom doesn’t have to wear a matching pair. She mixes ’em up. She doesn’t try to mix-and-not-match up on purpose like I do. But she’s fine with the not-matchy, if she can’t find a sock’s mate.

And finally– that newspaper tucked under “Mom’s” arm is, of course, THE CHRONICLE. It’s hers. If you value your fingers, don’t touch it. ‘Nuff said.

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Do You Want Halloween Fries With That?

Jack-o-lantern Tie o’ the Day decided to go with a clever costume. Tie clipped on a bow and declared, “I’m a BOW TIE o’ the Day.” Skitter and I went with the silly vibe costume, using the all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips phrase. We decided we are “all that and an order of fries.” Note that Skitter is so content and patient in her fry costume that she tends to nod off.

These are our morning costumes. We have different costumes for later in the day. But for now, we’re wearing our fries as we fill up the candy bowl. As usual, we had to wait to fill it until Suzanne is at work, because candy isn’t sanctioned on her diet, and she tends to grab any visible sweet that shows its face.

I am always the designated candy giver-outer on Halloween evening. I rule the door. I rule the candy bowl. I don’t care how old you are: you are welcome to knock on our door for a goodie. You are not welcome to come back for seconds. And you are not welcome to ask for extra candy for your siblings who are sick and had to stay home. Yeah right, I don’t think so. Believe me, if you try those ploys, I will give you a come-to-Jesus talkin’ to that will be ringing in your ears until New Year’s Eve.

If Suzanne’s home from work when the little treat-seekers come knockin’, and she wants to sneak some candy, she knows better. She’d have to wrestle me for the candy bowl, and she knows she shouldn’t try that– because she knows that despite my peace-love-harmony nature, I am one tough fighter. And, like any champion fighter, I fight dirty. The fight over candy is over before it starts. I win. TKO.

In the end, I give Suzanne a scrap or two of the sweets. You know the kind I let her have. I give her the “bad” candy that not even kids really want– like those Dum Dum suckers and Bit-o-Honey’s. I always buy “bad” candy as a back-up for in case I run out of the good stuff. “Bad” candy is cheap. That’s how you can tell it’s the “bad” candy.” 👻 🎃 🤖 👽 👾 💀 👹 ☠️