Category: Family

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A Speedy Jaunt To D-ville

So, about yesterday’s adventure… We had such a lovely, long day with Mom in Delta I had no time to write and post about it last evening, as I had said I would.

We bawled. We laughed. We chortled. We told a zillion some-what true stories. Millard Care and Rehab (MCR) shook, rocked, rolled, and roared yesterday. Damn! Snowman Bow Tie o’ the Day and Winter Cape o’ the Day had a grand Saturday hangin’ out with Mom. Mom is, as Suzanne says, the Belle of the Ball at MCR. And she is treated as such.

I never alert Mom when I’m headed down to see her, in case something happens to prevent me from showing up when I say I will– so she’s always a bit surprised when we walk in. Yesterday, she immediately started to cry. She kept assuring me and Suzanne that her tears were tears of joy. What a welcome for us! Of course, I know Mom’s joyful tears were all for Suzanne. I’m the third wheel when they’re with each other. (Poor me, eh?) Suzanne gave Mom some winter table runner-y things (I don’t know what they’re called) she had quilted for Mom’s table and chest of drawers. Goal for Suzanne!

Skitter even drove down with us and got to touch her nose to Mom’s hand from outside, through the screen window in Mom’s room.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that Skitter and Mom took to each other immediately when they first met– despite Skitter’s fear of everything, and despite Mom’s dislike for touching pets. Skitter has always gently pawed at Mom, and Mom has always enjoyed petting Skitter. Skitter has never been afraid of Mom’s touch. Of course, I’m sure it helped that Mom’s hands always smelled of whatever yummy thing she had been cooking.

For our visit with Mom, I wore the latest cape Suzanne created for me. [I’ll display it more completely in a future post.] The cape is dramatic, to say the least. Mom loved both sides of it. In the photo with me and Mom together, Mom is in snuggled in the cape with me. But, of course, you can’t see that very well because my stupid arm is in the way– because I’m such a genius selfie photographer.

One of the coolest features of the cape is that both fabrics are covered in glitter. By the time we were done with all the hugs and kisses of yesterday, Mom had glitter on her clothes and her face, and she sparkled like the sparkler she still is. I love that sparkly broad.

The second picture shows a bit of the other side of my cape, but it primarily shows you the permanent sign in the hall outside Mom’s room, identifying her as the room’s resident. She prizes her bewitching name sign, and will not allow it to be changed even though Halloween is long gone. If nothing else, Mom knows exactly what she’s all about. Clearly, she’s an over-the-top entertainer in her soul.

When I knew Suzanne would be driving down with me, I knew there would be a trip to MOM’S CRAFTS on the schedule. I even ribbed her that her purpose for driving to Delta with me had nothing to do with Mom, but was to go to MOM’S CRAFTS. She ducked out from MCR on her own for that foray. [And thank you, Kyla, for allowing Suzanne to spend our entire Christmas budget on fabric while she was shopping there.] When Suzanne returned to MCR, she gave Mom a peak at her fabric booty, and Mom was in high Heaven checking it out. And then Mom fell all over herself complimenting Suzanne about her mastery of all things sewing and crafting. Suzanne’s sewing head swelled with her own greatness. If Mom had given Suzanne one more compliment, Suzanne’s swelled head would not have fit inside the car. I would have had to tie her to the roof rack for the drive back to Centerville.

I can’t even begin to tell you exactly what we did or what we talked about while playing with Mom, but I think even the MCR staff had a fine time watching and hearing us have a rowdy party. All I can I can say is that the noise and affection never stopped. And the love glittered the entire time.

Like I said about Mom a few paragraphs ago, I love that sparkly old broad.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 29 Bow ties. 74 Neckties.

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It’s A Win-Win Situation For Us

Ties o’ the Day assisted me in hanging the first Christmas decorations of the season. As I have previously mentioned, some people have a fireplace as the focal point of their living rooms. We do not. The focal point of our living room is Suzanne’s Ultimate SewingBox, so we’re pretending it is a fireplace– for the purpose of holiday decorations. As one of these photos shows, it truly does take up one entire wall in the living room. It’s one of the shorter walls in the room, but that wall is exactly where we’d put a fireplace if we chose to have one. A fireplace would have fit nicely here. We even thought of putting built-in bookshelves from floor to ceiling on this wall.

And then I discovered the existence of The Ultimate SewingBox, which changed the course of our living room history. Yup, it was I who found the product. I briefly debated not showing it to Suzanne. I knew that after she saw it she would never again be happy if she couldn’t have one, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for us to adopt the giant. After she saw the video of what The Ultimate SewingBox can do/hold, she fell in madly in love with it, as I knew she would. How could I not get her one?

How was it decided we place it in the living room? That was my idea too. Suzanne has a crafting/sewing room upstairs, and The Ultimate SewingBox was originally intended to live up there. And then I realized I would never see Suzanne again if that monstrous piece of furniture was ensconced in her crafting/sewing room. There is no power that would be able to pull her away from its many crafty, sew-y uses. Also, The Ultimate SewingBox would take up her whole sewing room. She wouldn’t even have room for the ironing board, so I said, “Hey, Suzanne, forget the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Forget any thought of a fireplace. The Ultimate SewingBox needs to be in the living room, right by my too-big tv.” This ensures we are both in the same room occasionally.

Suzanne expressed the tiniest bit of concern for me, wondering if the sewing machine noise would be a problem for me when I’m trying to watch tv. I asked her if she had ever heard of volume control. Needless to say, our tv volume is always unbelievably high. Sit somewhere in our yard if you want to listen to whatever tv program we’re watching.

I have been accused of being nice to Suzanne for getting her The Ultimate SewingBox, and then suggesting it should be in the living room. I am here to assure you I am not a nice person. I am incredibly selfish. I figure this whole Ultimate SewingBox escapade will keep Suzanne from ever again nagging me about anything– especially my ever-growing tie population. So you see, Suzanne’s Ultimate SewingBox is all about me.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 26 Bow ties. 67 Neckties.

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Lookin’ Better All The Time

Bow Ties o’ the Day are based on the movie, ELF. I figured situating them as a sort of frame around my scar would be an effective way to show all three. These bow ties are perfect examples of bow tie designs that didn’t quite cut it. The fabrics display prints with items far too difficult to see and decipher, especially if your eyes are not literally glued to Bow Ties. Good bow tie idea. Crappy design execution. But these imperfect critters needed a home, and The Tie Room does not discriminate. It welcomes neckwear with open drawers. There was no doubt I would bring these two orphans home from the Bow Tie Pound– to live among, and to be loved by, my entire collection of neckwear.

Believe it or not, family and friends occasionally still ask how my scar is healing. Even Mom asks to take a gander at it when I visit her. I now make sure to lift my shirt to show her only when we’re in her room. If I showed her anywhere else at the care center, she’d be telling me to show everybody else in our midst.

And yes, I actually made that mistake with Mom once. She wanted to see the as-yet-unnamed scar while we were sitting in a common area. I quickly and discreetly lifted my shirt a bit to show her, and she began calling others over to appreciate my healing gash. It’s not like I could be impolite and not show them, and I would do anything Mom asked me to do. So I showed ’em. Thanks, Mom.

I am not famous, but my scar appears to be famous and popular enough to get its own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Anyhoo… My scar is lightening up right on schedule. Clearly, I am not shy about showing off my dark pink scalpel line, but I’m trying to decide two things. First, my scar needs a name. In a post a few weeks ago, I asked for suggestions, but none of them struck me as exactly right. I’m asking again. Put on your cleverness, then send me names you think will properly fit a scar. If I end up choosing one of your suggestions, you’ll win a prize– a bow tie.

Second, I plan to get a tattoo which incorporates my scar in its design. For example, I’ve thought of turning it into a zipper tat. Again, I’m asking for your ideas. There is a bow tie prize connected to this too. If I choose your suggestion, you win.

 

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 26 Bow ties. 64 Neckties.

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Suzanne Hacked This Post

Suzanne– who stars in this photo– innocently worked away at a fabric-y project all evening. But when the Ties o’ the Day and I sat down at the laptop this morning to compose this post, we found she had worked on another project as well. We found the following message– written by Suzanne– already typed in on this page. We leave her words exactly as we found them:

“I know the cape tally will never equal the ties, but I hope everyone knows that I make them by hand, carefully spinning the cotton, weaving, dying and printing the fabric, then I have to cut out each pattern piece (there are 393 in total), finally I make each stitch—evenly spaced—painstakingly with a needle and thread. I work far into the night by candlelight, occasionally I use the lantern, then I fashion a specific ribbon for the TIE closure at the neckline. I’m pretty sure the selling price would run well into several tens of thousands of dollars and instead of quitting my day job, I donate each and every cape to the one, the only, tie o’ the day founder, H.E. Wright, who, coincidentally gave me the BEST. SEWING. BOX. EVER.”

We proclaim: All praise to The Ultimate SewingBox Suzanne, Cape-maker to the Wearer o’ Ties!

Note to self: Inactivate Suzanne’s Administrator status for the website, so she can’t hack me with her two-cents’-worth again.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 23 Bow ties. 60 Neckties.

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WTFudge?

Bow Tie o’ the Day and Ties o’ the Day were out in the garage with me this afternoon, helping me search for a certain piece of Christmas decor I can’t locate. Suzanne and I recently got some heavy-duty shelving– which Suzanne assembled– to finally organize the garage, which has been a dizzyingly complicated maze ever since we moved the contents of the Delta house to our place here in Centerville. Suzanne did a dandy job of clearing the garage floor of storage bins and boxes. Brownie points to Suzanne!

If Suzanne hadn’t fit everything neatly on the shelves, I would have known exactly where to find the item I’m looking for. I know all the maps of disorganization that surround me. It’s the cleaned up, neatness I can’t wade through. In our house, there has always been an understanding that if you can’t find something, you ask me. I know where everything is– except, apparently, the one Christmas decoration I’m seeking.

Anyhoo… As I was ferreting around through storage bins in the garage, what to my wondering eyes did appear?! Not what I was tracking down, that’s for sure. But I did see the box that lurks behind me in the photo. Suzanne had so eloquently labeled it with her fluorescent green Sharpie. Even my holiday neckwear was amused at what she wrote.

Suzanne is the most even-tempered person I know, so this piece of exclamatory labeling is certainly a cry for help. I can imagine the face she wore as she wrote the words. It is Suzanne’s “I-can’t-believe-we-still-have-this-box-of-crap-and-I-haven’t-sorted-it-out-yet-although-we-must-not-need-it-cuz-we-haven’t-used-any-of-whatever-it-is-in-years-but-I-don’t-dare-throw-it-away-and-I-don’t-trust-Helen-to-cull-it-correctly-so-I-won’t-let-her-decide-the-fate-of-each-item-but-I-don’t-know-when-I’ll-ever-have-time-to-go-through-the-box-so-I’ll-express-my-frustration-by-writing-this-snitty-label-on-the-side-of-the-box-and-I’ll-put-the-task-on-my-chore-list-which-I’ll-promptly-lose-and-then-I’ll-forget-this-box-of-Christmas-shit-even-exists-until-I-try-to-find-something-in-the-garage-and-I-run-across-this-box-once-again” face.

Yup, that face.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 23 Bow ties. 56 Neckties.

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I Did A Whole Lotta Nothin’

Bow Tie o’ the Day is dashing in its Christmas colors, while Ties o’ the Day do not give a clue as to my activities for the day. As you can see from the photo, when I declare Pajama Day, we really have Pajama Day. Another thing you can see in this photo is that — surprise! surprise!– there is no Pajama Day rule that demands pj’s must match. The other halves of this pj combo are in a laundry basket. I have no idea how they all got separated in the first place. Maybe the socks taught the pj’s how to lose each other.

I can report that Suzanne has been– as I told you she would be–at her Ultimate SewingBox or at the ironing board all day. And do you know what she’s creating? Of course you do. She’s sewing me a Christmas cape I will be able to wear all Winter season. She has enough fabric left over to make another cape, but I don’t need two of the same cape.

I suggested Suzanne use the extra fabric to make a cape for herself, and then I immediately took back my words. A cape would not work for Suzanne. Even she agrees a cape is dangerous for her. She has a bit of a klutz-ocity problem, and capes can get caught in things. When we are out together in the world, I carry a piece of chalk so I can make chalk outlines around Suzanne when she falls on the ground– which she does consistently enough that I’m always running out of chalk. And to be completely honest, I carry the chalk in the house too. She’s clumsy.

Skitter’s day is going exactly as I told you it would in this morning’s post. As for me– well, I told you this morning I’d let you know how I ended up spending my day. I ate ice cream. I revised one of my poems. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I ate a half-dozen bite size Kit Kats. Suzanne and I had a tiff, which we worked through without throwing irons at each other (we have 2 irons). I made a ham sandwich, which tasted amazingly like a ham sandwich. I played some solitaire on my phone. I took Skitter for her walkie. The satellite dish got snow on it, blocking the signal– so I climbed up the ladder, broom in hand, and scraped it off. Success! I made a list o’ errands and phone calls I need to take care of Monday. I watched Suzanne cut fabric for my new cape, and now I’m watching her sew it. I gave Skitter her chew treat after watching her do her “chew dance.” I wrote two TIE O’ THE DAY POSTS, for which I snapped pictures. That’s about all I did. One thing I did NOT do was go fishing with Santa and his reindeer.

But I thought you’d like the fishing Ties o’ the Day anyway.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 19 Bow ties. 50 Neckties.

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Is Defense Allowed In Football Anymore? The Scores Are Higher Than Suzanne’s Fabric Bill.

These football Ties o’ Day are here to tell you that it is my firm belief the Christmas season begins with the football games on Thanksgiving. I should also say that Thanksgiving football could only be better if the Dallas Cowboys didn’t play every year. Ewwwww. That’s also my firm belief. (Go, Seahawks!)

We don’t do a bunch of Black Friday store-goin’– except for Suzanne annually spending the day after Tgiving at JOANN’s with her JOANN’s coupons. She’s there right this minute. I got a text from her about an hour after she’d entered the store, and she told me there still wasn’t a shopping cart available. Poor girl. She was carrying bolts of fabric in her arms, up and down the aisles. I offered to bring her a sled to haul her dry goods. She did text me after she’d been there another hour or so to say she finally got a cart, which means she can buy more material than she can carry. Oh, joy.

Suzanne is incredibly clever about the way things work at JOANN’s. For example, she knows that when it’s busy you have to take a number to get your material cut. What does Suzanne do? She doesn’t shop for her fabric first. Nope. She takes a number the minute she walks in, then  shops. Her number this morning was 02, and the cutters were on customer 71. Yay! Suzanne is only 31st in line for the scissors-wielding clerks. That’s better than some other years. Today, she’s been gone for almost four hours so far. JOANN’s is only two blocks from our house, so none of it is travel time.

I’m hoping she buys material for a cape. I really, really need her to sew me a new cape or two. It is the season of giving, you know. And I especially love her hand-made gifts. Capes are the grooviest. Did I say I want a cape for before-Christmas? Consider it said. Can you tell I want a cape? If you see Santa, please put in a good word about a new cape for me. And if you see Suzanne, do the same. I will never, ever ask her for anything again in my whole life if she will make me a cape. Cape, cape, cape. Hint, hint, hint.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY:  17 Bow Ties. 45 Neckties.

 

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Gaining A Pound Or Ten Over The Holidays Is To Be Expected

Tie o’ Yesterday’s hearty feast might give you the idea that we gobbled TV dinners for our turkey day meal, but that is not even close to the case. Suzanne and I decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by eating out. Not at McDonald’s . We had mid-day reservations for the billion-dollar Thanksgiving buffet at BAMBARA in SLC. We grazed and supped and grazed some more. We grazed until our grazers were sore. We were farctated. (Look it up.)

In fact, you’re seeing Tie o’ Yesterday all by itself in this photo because by the time we left BAMBARA, I was too rotund to fit in a selfie. I kid you not. The offerings were so yummy I ate three regular-size plates of food, plus one small plate of food. And then I hoovered up two plates of desserts. (Trust me. Suzanne kept up with me, plus she drank most of a bottle of what she reported to be a tasty bottle of an Idaho wine. It did smell good.)

I didn’t think you’d believe me about how much I ate, so I took notes as I chewed. I made a list of the foods I consumed, so here goes: shrimp; lobster; crab; scallops; oysters; grilled veggies; red quinoa salad; baby spinach with Stilton cheese and pomegranates; breaded baked mac and cheese; heirloom carrots; mashed potatoes; bacon and bleu cheese, potato, squash gratin; brioche, leek, and foie gras stuffing; roasted cauliflower with truffle and parmesan; turkey; king salmon; and a roll.

And then it was time for dessert. Here’s the list of confections I swallowed: an eclair; peanut butter cheesecake; an espresso tart; pecan pie in a chocolate crust; a macaroon; blueberry cake-bread; and raspberry, caramel date cake. I didn’t have room for the carrot cake and the pumpkin pie I had hoped to eat. I felt so sad about missing out on those two offerings. (Again, Suzanne kept up, and she even had enough room left for the pumpkin pie.)

Oh, and I drank three Diet Cokes.

I’m thinking Suzanne and I should head back to BAMBARA’s next Thanksgiving shindig. I’m positive we won’t need to eat again until then, so we’ll save enough on our food budget for the next year to be able to afford to attend again.

Last night I had to sleep it off– all that rich food and my Diet Coke’s. I’m pleased I didn’t wake up with a food-over this morning because Suzanne wants me to drive her to the JOANN sale ASAP, and I need to have a clear head for that excursion. If my brain’s a little hazy at JOANN’s, I will never see my debit card again. Must. Stay. Alert. At. JOANN’s.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 40 Neckties.

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277 Words

Bow Tie o’ the Day gives us Christmas bulbs for use in Christmas light strings. Ah, back in the day, when one dead bulb broke the closed circuit, and the entire string o’ lights went dark. Was that enough inconvenience and disappointment? Nope. Because the light string couldn’t light up at all, you had to go through each bulb in the string to find out which one was dead.

Alack and alas! You had to run to the store for a new bulb. And, of course, every time you bought a replacement bulb, you bought plenty o’ spares. But no matter how many spare bulbs you bought you could never find one when the same bulb crisis happened the next year. Back to the long holiday lines in the store, you go. Perhaps in a one-horse, open sleigh.

Anyhoo… While working in the garage this week, Suzanne found a stack of her old photos. Check out Suzanne in her baptism picture. What a beauty! Suzanne says the barrette in her hair weighed a couple of pounds, so she’s surprised it stayed in her flowing locks. Check out her skirt that looks like a set of 70’s living room curtains. I don’t know how she could walk while wearing it. Maybe that’s why she’s sitting. And look at the pink shag rug upon which she sits. Wow! It’s Suzanne sitting on her throne. It’s the only throne she’s ever had. I know she doesn’t have a throne with me, because I have put her on a pedestal.

The pedestal is not covered in pink shag carpet. That would be going too far.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 34 Neckties.

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An Irreverent Time Was Had By All

Glittery Christmas tree Bow Tie o’ Last Evening was the festive finishing touch to my go-to-an-event outfit. I don’t know about you, but I think I paired the perfect Shirt o’ the Evening with the harlequin side of my Cape o’ the Evening. Non-matchy matchy. Snazzy-licious. It’s a wardrobe combination I might repeat, even though my policy is to never wear the exact same “costume” twice. I suppose a different bow tie would qualify as making it a different outfit, so I guess I needn’t fret about going against my self-imposed style rules.

Anyhoo… Last night, Suzanne and I went to the Eccles Theater in downtown SLC to listen to a reading by David Sedaris– an author and humorist, who mines most of his material from his childhood, his family, his partner, and just from stuff he notices going on around him. Gee, that sounds kind of familiar, eh? I, of course, do not claim to exhibit writing or humor skills that even remotely approach those of David Sedaris.

I captured this selfie in one of the theater’s restrooms, because no photography was allowed in the theater itself– which is where I usually get TIE O’ THE DAY shots of me and Suzanne when we attend events. I made the bold photo choice to snap this selfie with the baby changing station and the “vending” machine in the background, rather than the potty. I thought staging it like this would exhibit just a bit of class. I might be a character, but I value the fact that I am rarely uncouth.

Suzanne and I had a swell evening. I laughed until my  belly scar broke open. Seriously, if I’d gone to a David Sedaris reading two weeks after my surgery, I really would have popped my scar bigly wide open. Come to think of it, that would have been kinda cool because then I could say, “I laughed so hard I literally busted a gut.” I quite enjoy making clichés and over-used descriptions come to life.