Category: Face masks

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Thirst

Suzanne and I drink a lot of flavored water. It’s almost like a hobby. We have a bigly stockpile at all times. We don’t keep it all on hand in case of catastrophe. We simply go through it relatively quickly because we like it, and we don’t want to be caught with no water on the pantry shelves when we’re parched. We each like different brands and different flavors, and I dare say we have become rather snooty about which flavored waters we will drink and which waters we will turn up our noses to. In fact, we are so into our flavored water that yesterday we packed up a little cooler filled with flavored water from our fridge, and took it on our drive to a Walmart in South Jordan. We drank water all the way there. While there, we replenished our flavored water hoard to the tune of somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 cases of water. After we had finished buying the water and loading it in the car, we opened up our little cooler, took out a bottle and a can, and each drank our fave flavored waters—drinking water and crying “wee, wee, wee,” all the way home.

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A Potential High Dive

Since one of the ways I use this platform is to document every bigly and little change that happens to me on my life’s journey, I must inform y’all of my most recent “aging” change. It began simply enough: I wanted to put a new light bulb in the light fixture above the landing on the stairs. The ceiling there is very high, but I have changed the light bulbs a handful of times before, with nary a problem. I set up the ladder on the landing, to remind me to complete the task after Suzanne got home from work, so she could call for an ambulance if, for some reason, I fell off the ladder and tumbled down the stairs. I’m not a spaz, but I am cautious. Suzanne is a spaz, which is why she doesn’t climb ladders. And, to be honest, I’m older and ricketier than I’ve ever been. I didn’t anticipate any problems, but you never know.

Anyhoo… Suzanne got home and I climbed the ladder. I stood on the ladder right where I thought I had always stood before to do this chore, but I was not high enough to reach the light fixture. I would need to stand on the top rung of the ladder, but that rung suddenly seemed awfully high to me. I asked Suzanne, “Did I really stand on that top rung to do this before?” It didn’t seem that high the other times I had to put in new bulbs. I’ve never had a fear of heights, but suddenly, at 57, there was no way in heck I was going to move up to the last rung of the ladder again. Forget the fact that over the years, I had stood safely on that top rung. Clearly, something has changed. I told Suzanne I wasn’t going to even try to move up the ladder and change those light bulbs. No, I declared to her that we are going to live in stairway darkness until we can get the professionals here, with their professional ladder, to change the bloody high light bulbs. (They’ll be here to take care of it next week.) I wonder how many people it will take to finally screw in a light bulb. I also wonder if I’ll be able to turn that answer into a post-worthy joke. 💡

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And Now I Regret It

Things started out so well this morning. I had a Zoom doctor appointment, for which I chose to wear my Bow Tie o’ the Day of red and white polka dots. Skitter chose to wear her oranges Tie o’ the Day. After my appointment, I then cooked myself a nice breakfast of a few teensy pork chops. While they were cooking away, I wrote a little poem I immediately shredded because it was mean-spirited, and I don’t really do mean-spirited. I needed to write it and get it out of my system, but nobody needs to read it and get all offended by what amounted to a passing mood I simply needed to work through in my own mind.

I ate my well-seared chops, but had one left over. I’m sure you know who had been staring politely at my fork throughout every bite of breakfast I had put in my mouth. Now, we make it a point to never feed Skitter people food. Except for all the times when we do. She was eyeing that left over pork chop like it was a pot o’ doggie gold, which I guess—to her—it was. Her nose sniffed the air more dramatically than Elizabeth Montgomery’s in BEWITCHED. C’mon, folks! How could I not put a tiny pork chop in her bowl? I had to do it—after I cut off all the fat, of course. So Skitter ate her chop in no time. Just as quickly, she curled up in her bed for her mid-morning nap.

Fast forward about three hours. Skitter’s bed sat right beside me as I got some reading done. And then it happened. It happened once, then twice. Skitter let pork chop doggie farts. Silent, but deadly. I finally put on my first Mask o’ the Day to save myself from the stench. It wasn’t enough. I put a second Mask o’ the Day over the first one. Two masks at a time seemed to do an adequate job of keeping me from passing out, as Skitter’s gas kept wafting through the room in invisible waves o’ danger. She’s never been a particularly gassy dog, but it’s clear she is getting older, and so are her pipes. No more pork chops for The Skit, no matter how much she enjoys them. Even as I type this, she is sound asleep in her mid-afternoon nap—probably dreaming of bacon—and farting with gusto all the while. 🐶😷

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Mayhaps I Need A Bite To Eat

It’s true: I wear my heart on my sleeve, as they say. I always have and I always will. I am not shy of letting it be known what matters to me, and what doesn’t. And for dang sure nobody who knows me has to wonder how I feel about them. I wear it all on my sleeve, pant leg, and hat brim—24/7. My heart is out there for all to see. But what y’all probably don’t know is that I sometimes wear my food on my Bow Tie o’ the Day (which is something they don’t say). Today was just such a day, as I grocery shopped at Harmon’s while wearing this bigly bow tie. One look at Bow Tie and you can rest assured I filled my sanitized shopping cart with nothing but fixin’s to make pizza, cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and fries. I’ll be sure to set a paper plate for you.🍕🍔🌭🍟

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The Debut O’ The Piglets

I’ve had some new earrings I’ve been wanting to try out on a Saturday night, and yesterday Suzanne sent me a text from upstairs that said we were going to SLC to dinner for the evening. Finally, I had a place to wear my piggie earrings out on the town for all to see. I took an up-close pic of the chubby earrings so y’all can see both the front and back of my tiny pink friends. Since we haven’t been out a lot lately, I decided to be as formal and black tie-y as I get—with my fave black shirt (the oldest shirt I own, from the 80’s) and my black-background flip-flop Bow Tie o’ the Evening. Likewise, I went black vinyl with my record album Face Mask o’ the Evening.

Suzanne had made reservations for us at PAGO, where we filled up on some of our favorite foods. I almost ordered the pork chop, just to maintain the piggie-theme of the night, but I ended up opting for the steak. Suzanne, of course, ordered the scallops. We are very predictable sometimes. Suzanne chose a sauvignon blanc to drink, which she said was tasterrific, and I can verify that her wine smelled nummy and made my mouth water. I sometimes wonder if Suzanne gets weary of my sniffing her wine selections, but it’s not like I’m going to quit doing it, so we both might as well get over it if it’s a problem. I think Suzanne will agree that probably our best discovery of the night was an appetizer made with beets, strawberries, goat cheese, and candied quinoa. The true gem within the appetizer was the pickled strawberries. We didn’t know pickled strawberries even existed, and now we will never forget they do. We will be ordering them at PAGO again, soon.

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I’m Bigly Ticked Off

This is my angry face, which I rarely wear. As I dressed for this selfie, I picked out the aggressive-est, angriest-looking Face Mask o’ the Day I could find, because I wanted you to know I’m steaming. I also wore a mask because didn’t want to take a chance you’d see me mouthing any vulgarities while I’m in this mood. I chose to wear my deviled egg Tie o’ the Day because I wanted to put the words “devil,” “pitchfork,” and “Hell” into your mind so you wouldn’t miss my point: I’m angry. Anger is not a mode I’ve ever chosen to spend much time in, so it’s decidedly foreign to me. In fact, I don’t like visiting it one bit. Anger is my least favorite country, although I’m comfortable in righteous anger when it is called for.

Anyhoo… I got a call from my surgeon this morning, telling me my surgery has to be postponed for 4-6 weeks. It seems there are no empty hospital beds available at Huntsman Cancer Hospital right now, because of the added COVID-19 patients who currently occupy them. I say this in hashtag lingo with all respect and humility, folks, on behalf of everyone who has had to postpone their necessary medical procedures this past year: #getvaxxedandwearyourmaskspeoplesoyouandothersdonthavetosufferneedlessly #ifeverypersonhaddonetheirpartatthebeginningofthepandemicthiscouldhavebeenovermonthsago

To put it less nicely—and more in line with the depth of my truly angry feelings about having to postpone my much-needed, long-awaited surgery, let me just say this about how I feel: @#%&#%!*+ !#E@$*^*!!# @$@$##$*$% ^&*^@$^ *^@ ^*&^$ @#*#%@# @$$*%^!#. (I apologize if I hurt your ears with that rant.)

Ah! I feel much less angry after getting that off my chest. Now, I’m merely discouraged as 💩. 😷💉

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While I Sleep During My Operation

My appointment at Huntsman today was with the folks who will be administering anesthesia to me during my surgery. I want to keep anyone who has anything to do with my surgery happy—especially the anesthesia team. I want to keep them very, very happy. I figured the best way to keep them amused was to wear one of my most prized creative Bow Ties o’ the Day: my Star Wars-y Legos bow tie. I did my best to make a good first impression on them. I met with three different medical professionals during my single appointment, and I can verify that they all snickered and guffawed at Bow Tie. They each quizzed me about my neckwear collection, and seemed to understand most of my humor. I’m sure they will remember me and do their best to keep me conked out through the whole operation. And that was my goal when I got dressed this morning.

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Busy Days

With only a week until my surgery, I find myself being busier than ever with tidying up and doing errands—so I won’t have to worry about life around the house running smoothly while I’m out of commission for a few weeks.

Today, Bow Tie o’ the Day and I had to drive to Farmington Health Center to pick up the contrast goop I must drink tomorrow morning before my pre-surgery CT Scan at 10:30 AM. Tomorrow, after my scan, I drive to Huntsman Cancer Hospital to meet with my Cranky Hanky Panky surgeon. After that appointment, I will head to the lab, where I will have to give a river of blood to the lab personnel so they can assess whatever it is they have to assess before I can get cut open properly next week. And when I finally get back home from SLC tomorrow afternoon, my doctor-y day still won’t be done. I will have to flip open my laptop in order to have a virtual appointment with my ERCP doctor, so I can get his pre-surgery input. It’s gonna be a long medical Friday for me. Fortunately, my better half is taking off work tomorrow to be by my side while I do all these have-to-do’s I don’t want to do at all. Having Suzanne with me guarantees that we will both be just fine.

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Dressing For Delta

It’s time for a trip to Delta to visit Mom. I’m not sure exactly when I’m going to make the drive, but it will be soon. I like to plan my travel attire ahead of time, and today I came up with this outfit that seems appropriate to the current Delta weather. Fortunately, I have an umbrella-covered Face Mask o’ the Day and a raindrop and umbrella-covered Tie o’ the Day. My cow Sloggers boots should come in handy for wading through puddles and newly formed lakes, and my bigly floppy hat will keep the rain off my bald head. Yes, I think this will suit me well on my next trip to my hometown.

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My New Vinyl Records Face Mask O’ The Day

Polka dot Bow Tie o’ the Day and I did a bunch of Monday morning erranding around the Wasatch Front. It was only after I got back home that I realized I had completely forgotten to comb my hair before I left the house to conduct my business this morning. Oh, dear! I hope no one noticed. I’m mortified! 😏