Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Plaid pink Bow Tie o’ the Day—on behalf of all our pink Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day—are here to remind you women once again to do your breast exams. Heck, go get a mammogram. We know dang well some of you haven’t had a mammogram for far too long, if at all. The ties/bow ties in my collection don’t mean this in a weird way, but….they love your breasticles, and they want them to be healthy. Obey this health admonishment of Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day: Get your boobs checked, ladies!
Got flannel Tie o’ the Day? Check! Got long-sleeved, flannel shirt? Check! Got flannel cap? Check! Got flannel Face Mask o’ the Day? Check!
I am officially ready for the chilly season ahead. Unlike squirrels, I did not gather and store any nuts during the harvest. But like any jolly bear with a 65-inch tv, I will be recliner-hibernating through the cold days and nights to come, as often as possible.
It’s refreshing to once again see the LDS missionaries knocking on doors throughout the neighborhood—with their stylish Ties o’ the Day and Face Masks o’ the Day. These two need to work on their social-distancing though. LDS Conference, over the weekend, must have been inspiring to them. (It certainly was interesting to me.) The missionaries I’ve seen this week seem to have an extra bit of spring in their bike-peddling. The missionaries are always welcome here, and I have yet to see a missionary turn down any type of food with sugar in it.
Split wood Bow Tie o’ the Day and I thought we had read every Dr. Seuss book ever published—many, many, way too many times. Apparently, we missed his book that had this face mask gem of pandemic wisdom in it. Nevertheless, for nearly seven months now, we’ve done our best to live by its prescient COVID-19 advice. 😷 #drseussismyfamilydoctor
Mom had a stupendous time on her 90th birthday, even in the midst of a pandemic. She dressed up in her Sunday best. She had her earrings clipped on. Her phone was all charged up and ready for birthday callers. All five of her kids sat outside the MCR hall window, taking turns talking to her by phone on the outside side of the glass. We siblings set up socially distanced lawn chairs, and chatted and laughed with each other while Mom watched us intently through the window. I know it is always a gift for Mom to watch us enjoy ourselves sibling-ing together, being happy to be her kids. By the time we got around to taking a picture of us “with” Mom, two of my siblings were nowhere to be found. I am joined here in one photo by BT/Mercedes and Ron—and Mom, who’s proudly displaying her birthday cake. Bow Tie o’ the Day is covered in joyous emojis, and I am pleased to say my Batman socks—with their tiny capes—were a hit with Mom (and everyone else). She said she liked them before I’d even had a chance to purposely show them off to her. She’s ancient, but she notices all the important details in life.
Bigly thanks to my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless for arranging for birthday decorations and posters to be set up inside MCR, and for having a celebratory cake made for Mom and “smuggled” in. My SWWTRN also decorated right outside Mom’s window, so the first thing Mom saw when she looked outside that morning was a display of balloons and words telling her she had, indeed, made it to 90. Kathi and Robbie’s family made posters they then plastered onto MCR’s windows for Mom and the rest of the residents to enjoy.
Mom has been receiving a steady stream of flowers, cookies, gifts, window visits, and phone calls over the past few weeks. And, of course, she has been receiving cards galore! I asked Mom if she knows how many birthday cards she’s received over the past couple of weeks, and she lifted up a handful of unopened cards she had gotten in the mail that very day. There were at least a dozen unopened envelopes in her hand. She says she has not counted all the cards and letters yet, but that she knows “there are a lot.” I can say from taking a glance through the window into her room that piles of cards dot every flat surface. I know how my mother is, and I know darn well she will read and re-read her birthday cards from now until she’s 91, and beyond. They will provide her much joy and nostalgia, especially in the absence of in-person visits. Thanks, y’all!
To all of you who sent birthday greetings to Mom in any form, I and my siblings—and Mom—are grateful for your love for her. She feels rightly adored and spoiled. You helped to make Mom’s Pandemic 90th Birthday a many-people-involved, grand occasion for her.
This photo of Mom and my candy corn Bow Tie o’ Last October is a fitting tribute to the almost 90-year-old gal who is my mother, since she will be the first to tell you she is proud to be a witch. Every Halloween season, Dad reminded her to sharpen her broom, and she would assure him she had already done it, so he better straighten up.
I won’t be posting tomorrow, on Mom’s actual birthday, because I will be busy waving Merry Birthday to her through the Millard Care and Rehab windows. We plan to spend the day with her—masked and socially distanced from any others there to celebrate Mom’s milestone with her. Skitter has already picked out the Tie o’ the Day she’s going to be wearing for Mom to see.
I’ll shoot pix and take notes of the socially distanced, non-gathering gathering. I hope I can snap lots of photos of Mom in action, on the other side of the glass. Also, I’ll try to get a birthday card count. Y’all have sent Mom a boatload of cards and notes and even gifts. I thank you for playing a bigly part in Mom’s Contactless Pandemic 90th Birthday. I’ll blow Mom a kiss through the window, from y’all.
This afternoon I was wearing one of my fattest, widest ties as Tie o’ the Day when I pulled up to the Post Office to go inside to mail a package. I suddenly realized I didn’t have a face mask in my car. I have a billion of them. But all the dirty ones were in the washer, and I had just plain forgotten to re-supply each of the vehicles with clean ones. I had to get in that Post Office to complete my errand, and I didn’t want to take the time to run home and retrieve a mask first. What’s a girl to do? No worries! Fat, wide Tie o’ the Day to the rescue! Luckily, I was also wearing my bow tie sock garters. I slipped one of the sock garters around my head, then clipped it to the wide end of Tie—such that Tie snugly covered my nose and mouth for the duration of my postal errand. Mission accomplished. Well done, makeshift Face Mask o’ the Day.
Even glasses wood Bow Tie o’ the Day can see that if the pandemic keeps me from getting Miss Tiffany to cut my hairs soon, I am well on my way to becoming Cousin It for Halloween.
I rarely post something which is not my creation or story, but this is a timeless fashion truth I ran across in my old files. TIE O’ THE DAY agrees with this visual aid. Wear what makes you happy, not just trendy things fashion scientists tell you that you must. Except for masks. Wear masks right now, no matter how silly you think a mask makes you look. You and those around you will certainly look alive if y’all wear masks.
Yesterday was packed with drama, so I knew my Madam Butterfly-inspired Bow Tie o’ the Day would be appropriate for today’s post pix. You can’t get much more dramatic and operatic than Madam Butterfly.
So here’s the scoop. Here’s the reason I can’t open my left eye, use my left thumb, or wear my right hearing aid. My truck has needed a new battery since before the pandemic began. For months my truck has been sitting in the front of our house, where we look longingly at each other every day. I’ve missed my old jalopy truck, so yesterday I called AAA and asked them to bring me a battery and install it. Easy enough. But no! The kindly masked AAA dude arrived, and we chatted about our business for a minute or two, and as I unlocked the truck door, a zillion angry wasps flew out of their nest inside the door—directly at my head. The hat I was wearing protected the top of my head. My face mask protected the lower part of my face. My left eye and my right ear were the pests’ two favorite targets. Both of them were each stung at least a half-dozen times. My left thumb got stung at lease three times.
Y’all know I grew up around bees, so I know how to not panic about swarms of insects flying in my direction. I know how to stand still and let them move past me. I do not pick fights with the likes of bees and wasps and hornets, because I am allergic to their stings. But yesterday, the wasps who set up condos inside my truck refused to play by the rules. They were out to get me. There was bigly carnage, and I was it. I decided to not go to the ER because, surprisingly, my breathing remained fine. In a pandemic, I feel it’s my duty to handle my health issues on my own at home, if at all possible. But don’t think for one minute that my EpiPen isn’t beside me at all times.
Anyhoo… My truck has a new battery. It started right up for the AAA guy, who also happens to be allergic to insects bites and stings. He was valiant in the fight with the wasps, and he never got stung. I certainly gave him a bigly tip. I haven’t dared drive the truck yet myself. Suzanne wants me to call an exterminator to make sure the truck is completely wasp-less before I drive it away to find a dusty gravel road in the middle of nowhere. I should listen to her, but you know how that goes. Now that I wear hearing aids, I can do that thing called “selective hearing.” It’s amazing what my hearing doesn’t hear.