Hey! Remember when an anonymous reader sent me this “formal” Bow-Tie-o’-the-Day-connected-to-the-thong thing two years ago? Well, if you don’t recall that event, you’ll surely never forget it now. I thought it would be a great New Year’s Eve party outfit—as long as I had another outfit under it.
Remember, my pals, to play safely tonight. Mask yourselves and drive sober. I want to have you around for many New Year’s Evenings to come. Be well. Peace to us all. 🍾☮️
BTW Stay tuned for the final Holiday Tie Tally tomorrow. You will indeed see the last o’ the holiday neckwear.
Bow Tie o’ the Day sports a simple message of “Merry Christmas.” The 6 Ties o’ the Day are a bit more divided in their expressions about the holiday season. I am a “Merry Christmas” sort, which is probably obvious by my expansive X-mas neckwear collection, but I am also a Grinch-lovin,’ “Bah Humbug” sort of gal when I’m particularly ironic. Especially around Christmas, I must admit I have an even lower-than-usual tolerance for people acting hateful and petty to each other. That kind of behavior really roils the true, thin slice o’ humbug in my soul, in any season. I hate when that happens. In this annual season of giving and striving for peace, I often worry less about the need to—as the saying goes—”put Christ back in Christmas,” and more about the need to put Christ back in Christians. Kindness changes the weather of every room it’s in. Let us be the good weather, folks. End of sermon.
Holiday Tie Tally: 190 Neckties. 74 Bow Ties.
Holiday Face Mask Tally still stands at 9, cuz I’ve worn this one before.
Naughty/Nice/I Tried Tie o’ the Day and I were up early this morning, writing down my day’s TO-DO list. One item was of particular peculiar interest. A friend of mine has a recipe for fruitcake that requires the cake to be soaked in brandy. She’s getting ready to make the fruitcake, but she is askeered to walk into a liquor store—probably for fear someone will see her there and trash her spotless reputation. I wish I’d known she needed brandy a few days ago when I was at the liquor store picking up Suzanne’s Christmas break libations.
Anyhoo… I volunteered to go fetch the brandy for my pal. With it being less than a week until Christmas, I knew there would be a line at the liquor store. However, I did not know that getting to the store just a couple of minutes after it opened would put me 26th in line. And five minutes later, there were at least that many people behind me in the line. Everyone was masked and cordial. Everyone minded the social distancing rules. It was the longest line I’ve yet been in during this holiday season, but it turned out to also be the speediest line I’ve been in. I watched Judge Judy episodes on my phone while I waited for my turn to enter the store, so I was completely content to wait. My reputation—whatever it is—remains intact.
Here’s the Tie o’ the Day which is hidden from view under the Santa/reindeer/wrapped presents Tie o’ the Day in the first snapshot.
I called Mom this morning to see how she’s doing at MCR. I ascertained from the shortest phone conversation I’ve ever had with her that she is swell and well and dandy. She didn’t have time to talk to her 56-year-old baby because she and the other residents were preparing to watch a movie together. I don’t know any of the specifics—like the title of the movie they would be viewing, or what the care center’s social distancing plan was. I trust MCR to have figured out all of the safety details. All I know is that while conversing ever so briefly with Mom, I could hear joyous chatting voices in the background. Helen Sr. sounded as happy as the proverbial lark. Mom sounded safe and comfortable and excited for her oncoming day. Although I felt kinda cheated out of the conversation we weren’t able to have because she was so busy living her life at 90, I must admit that I was thoroughly pleased with the situation to my core. What more could a 56-year-old baby girl ask for? Mom was comfortable and exuberant, so I guess you can say I already got my Christmas present for this year. If Mom is happy, I seriously do not need one other thing.
Here’s a 1-Bow Tie, 5-Tie o’ the Day salute to my dad’s mom, who we’ve always affectionately referred to as Momo. (The Santa-hatted Scottie dog bow tie is one of my all-time faves.) I have continually been in awe of Momo’s unending crafty creativity. She could make anything out of anything.
Here are what I believe to be her two most famous Christmas tree ornaments: milkweed pod renditions of the Nativity scene. The two white critters at the foot of the three-pod ornament are lambs. I particularly like the golden deer/dog at the bottom of the one-pod ornament. (You should see the dog she included in her diorama version of the Garden of Eden!) I do not know exactly when Momo created these ornaments, but I remember them hanging on her Christmas tree annually, in even my earliest memories—so they are at least 50 years old. They are so fragile that I rarely bring them out for public viewing. I cannot dust them for fear the glue that holds everything in its place will break. Occasionally, I find that a component of an ornament has fallen out of its pod place. I do my best to re-glue it to its authentic spot.
Anyhoo…Last week, Suzanne came home from work and said, “We’re having an office contest for Most Interesting Christmas Tree Ornament on our tree. Can I take those ornaments Momo made?” Momo made many X-mas tree ornaments, but few still exist. Of course, I knew precisely which ornaments she meant, and I knew their whereabouts. Despite the fact that I rarely say NO to Suzanne, I seriously ruminated over her request for hours before coming to a decision. Suzanne was allowed to take them to her office only after I issued a Special Dispensation, and made her sign a lengthy contract in which she promised to guard them with her life, as if she was a member of the Secret Service and they were POTUS. Guess which ornaments won the competition, hands-down? I knew they would be victorious in any ornament contest. Why? Because Momo made them. GAME OVER.
I wore this holiday face mask a few weeks ago, so it has already been counted in my tally. But I can add the electrifying Clark Griswold Tie o’ the Day and the two CHRISTMAS VACATION-themed Bow Ties o’ the Day to my tally. My “ugly Christmas vest” gives me the best of both shirt-worlds: I get to wear an obnoxious Christmas vest which is really just a long-sleeved t-shirt. I can get my gleeful, gaudy fashion out there for all of you to see, while safely wearing a comfortable t-shirt atrocity I personally don’t have to injure my eyes looking at.
CHRISTMAS VACATION is one of my go-to X-mas movies, as it likely is one of your faves. I owned it on VHS. I owned it on DVD. I now own it in my iCloud. I used to watch it from time to time throughout the year, whenever I felt the urge. I have since decided to reserve it for watching only around Christmas, and only once per the season. A single yearly viewing makes it an annual no-calorie treat. (I do the same with A CHRISTMAS STORY.) I have memorized every line of the movie, so I can run a scene in my head any time I might need a quick guffaw to keep my funny bone in knee-slappin’ shape. Hey, I am fully aware that a lot of y’all also have the movie memorized. It is a modern-day classic, for sure. However, I beg of y’all, please don’t leave the older, classic Christmas films off your holiday viewing list. If you don’t already have some black-and-white X-mas movies set to play, add a few. You won’t regret it. Your kids and grandkids might wonder what’s wrong with you, but they’ll thank you later.
8 festive Ties o’ the Day are here to add to the unbelievable sum of holiday ties I will have worn by New Year’s Day. Unfortunately, since my plastic Santa beard does not cover my mouth or nose, it does not qualify as a true pandemic holiday mask. Thus, I cannot add it to my meager Holiday Face Mask Tally.
I decided to honor Dad—master hunter o’ all critters—by displaying six of my reindeer Christmas Ties o’ the Day, but I chose to actually wear the tie showing Santa and a reindeer fishing for Santa-hatted green fish. I got to go deer hunting with Dad on opening day long before I was old enough to do the required trekking. For the first few years I accompanied him and my brothers on opening day, I tuckered out early and ended up riding on Dad’s shoulders for most of the day’s hunt. I can still see the view of various mountain ranges from atop Dad’s shoulders, and I distinctly recall once laying my head on his head and falling asleep on his shoulders while he walked to find a deer he had shot.
As for fishing with Dad, I have vivid memories of packing up the camper he built himself to house us on camping trips. I recall driving with Dad and his dad, Popo, to lakes to fish, always intending to stay overnight. I recall that I always asked Dad or Popo to put the worm on my hook. I recall catching the fish, cooking the fish, and eating the fish that we cooked over the campfire. But I do not recall ever leaving a lake or driving home after a fishing adventure. Magically, I always fell asleep in the camper at the end of a day o’ fishing, and opened the camper door the next morning to find the camper was parked on our own front lawn, right outside the picture window. I recall always fussing at Dad at the breakfast table for not letting us stay overnight at the lake. Dad had to be away so often to work his bees that he really, really, really liked to sleep in his own bed whenever he could. He always said he couldn’t sleep well without his personal mattress and his personal pillow. Honestly, I think it was Mom he couldn’t sleep well without. Miss you, Dad.
Five miscellaneous Ties o’ the Day, united by Christmas: A Santa-hatted dog adorned in holiday lights; gift-filled stockings; a Santa-hatted sock monkey bearing presents and candy canes; a bell-ringing Santa and bow-tied wreaths; and Santa playing a game of football against a team of penguins, with a reindeer as the referee. What a grouping!
According to the bins full o’ holiday neckwear I still haven’t shown you this season, I’ve gotta step it up if I’m going to reach my goal of displaying them all by the end of the year. Get ready for my daily numbers to skyrocket. I am determined to show y’all every piece in my entire Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/New Year’s neckwear collection during this 2020 season. And then I vow to never try to wear them all again. I’m having a blast, but it takes a ton o’ time to keep track of what’s been worn and what hasn’t. I feel like I’m juggling about 400 holiday season ties and bow ties all at once—because that’s exactly what I am doing.
This post is sponsored by the colors red and green, and by the word “oh.” I wore this holiday Face Mask o’ the Day a few days ago, and I counted it in my Holiday Face Mask Tally. I decided I could count it as a different mask if I wore it upside-down—making the “HO”‘s into “OH”‘s. And who among us doesn’t say, “OH, OH, OH” here, there, and everywhere throughout the Christmas season? I say “OH” a lot during the jolly season—especially when I see nighttime light displays of exceptional beauty and/or masterful gaudiness.
