Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day offers butterflies galore, while Face Mask o’ the Day sports a cat wearing a red hanky mask. I’m actually kind of glad I don’t have to see this mask when I wear it. Even though it’s cool, there’s something a tad creepy about its cool-osity. But hey—the kids like it.
I find ideas for my attire everywhere. This afternoon, I was cooking bacon to put on my turkey sandwich, and I said out loud to Skitter and myself, “Hey, I have a flying pig hat that I haven’t worn since clear back three whole, long weeks ago.” So while my bacon was cooking, I found my flying pig hat. I wondered, for a brief second, whether the flying pig would be offended that I was frying bacon, and fully intending to eat it. And then I wondered if the sizzling strips o’ bacon would gaze up at the flying pig on my head and wish theirs had been lives of high-flying pigs, instead of my lunch. And then I came back to the reality of how neither flying pig hats, nor bacon strips have brains to think with. All was well.
Anyhoo… I decided my pig-y hat needed some friends, so I put on my cat-y shirt and butterfly-y face mask. Thus, I am now wearing a small menagerie. Bow Tie o’ the Day has a tiger-print feel to it that zippily tops off my outfit.
Oh, and my turkey-and-bacon sandwich was divine. Wish you were here. I would have made you one.
Hey! Look what I got! My new Day of the Dead skulls face mask goes well with the Day of the Dead cape Suzanne made for me two years ago. I actually do have a bow tie made out of the same fabric as the mask, and I really did put it on before I cinched up the turquoise Bow Tie o’ the Day I ended up wearing in the selfie. But I had to immediately take it off and toss it for another day, due to the cutesy matching that was happening between the perfectly matching mask and bow tie. When it comes to matching, as you have probably surmised, I can usually match according to theme—but rarely can I breath while wearing two separate things made of the very same fabric. Even wearing matching socks is a hives-inducing stretch. It is just how I be.
www.tie-o-the-day.com has been in existence almost four years. This post marks the 2,000th episode of my neckwear musings on the website. Balloons-and-confetti Bow Tie o’ the Day is bustin’ out the non-booze to celebrate.
Before it was a tblog (short for “tie blog,” according to me), TIE O’ THE DAY existed for a couple of years as a twice-daily group text to a dozen or so friends and family members. Compared to the bipolar-tinged poetry which I consider my real writing, and on which I spend most of my writing time and energy, I wanted/needed a place to write something sort of casual. And I also wanted a venue in which to share my decades-in-the-making neckwear collection with others. TIE O’ THE DAY seemed like a way for me to accomplish both. So far, I think it has been a good fit.
TIE O’ THE DAY is a project that is still evolving. It is part memoir, part tall tale, part comedy, part clash-fashion show, part hard-won wisdom, and part things I haven’t even considered yet—all somehow inspired by, or enhanced by, my ties and bow ties of many ilks.
I like usually not knowing exactly what TIE O’ THE DAY is going to be, from post to post. Often, when I sit down to create a post, I have no idea what I’m going to write. I’ll stare at the photo I snapped after I first got dressed in the morning, and then I begin to type. Sometimes, the text is lengthy. Sometimes, it’s only a handful of words. Usually, there’s at least a tiny chuckle or a nugget for contemplation to be found inside the writing. I thank you, folks, for continuing to tune-in to gawk at the groovy neckwear, and to read the words that tumble out of my wild head. Above all, my friends, I do hope you never feel like a post is a waste of your time and attention.
I went to bed very late last night. I opened my eyes at 4 AM, wide awake. And promptly at 7, when Suzanne was leaving for work, I fell asleep on the love seat. Now it’s almost 10 AM, and I’m throwing this quickie post on TIE O’ THE DAY. Swimming suit Bow Tie o’ the Day expresses my feelings best: I’m ready for summer. And probably another nap today, to be honest.
This is how I feel about today’s disruption of the ceremonial counting of the 2020 electoral votes at the U. S. Capitol—a requirement of the United States Constitution. Not only has the Constitutional business of the People been disrupted, but the bullying trespass into the Capitol has been an embarrassing spectacle, at about the same maturity level as guileless brats breaking into a church to take narcissistic selfies as they destroy sacred property—for no other reason than to post their self-absorbed and destructive actions for all to see.
The saddest thing about today’s dangerous undermining of American Democracy is that I fully expected it was going to happen. Bad behavior is apparently the new normal, even when it comes to what the Constitution demands.
I believe in the power that passionate, safe, well-planned, and well-disciplined protests can have for the common good of the People. But the undertaking today didn’t have a single redeeming characteristic. In fact, it made America appear weak and unhinged. I can’t stop crying.
I posted last week that my very first brother-in-law, Kent, was turning the bigly 70-damn-5. Here are a few pix of our brief visit to give him our eternal regards for joining the family in 1967, and for staying in the family for the duration. From then, until now, Kent has always hit our funny bones with his up-beat brand of cleverosity. His wisdom shows up wrapped in humor, as well. And his heart is wide open.
On Kent’s birthday, we threw The Skit in the car and drove up to his and BT’s abode in Pleasant View, where a day-long drive-by of honking horns bleated their birthday wishes to our Kent. We actually stopped in to hang for a little while in their garage, which was set up with socializing at pandemically social distances in mind. The libation served to birthday revelers was sparkling cider in the grooviest teensy bottles. A bigly and tall heater spread the heat. The present we gave Kent was one of Mom’s old HELEN W license plates, in honor of him christening all of Mom’s cars with the same title of “the Helenmobile,” probably starting as far back as the 70’s. I will not lie: We stole a masked hug or two from Nuk and Mercedes before we left.
I wore my lighted turkey hat for the occasion, as well as a holiday Tie o’ the Day covered in portraits of polar bears, Santa, and snowmen. Skitter’s Tie o’ the Day is an authentic mystery, and we’re open to any guesses you might have as to what the “thing” on Skitter’s tie is supposed to be. It appears to have a sort of snowman head. It has what might be strings of lights wrapped around its Christmas tree-like “body.” I think it might be a dinosaur of some kind, or maybe Godzilla. It does have a tail. Is it holding a baby who’s wearing a black hat? Seriously, what is this creature? Is it an icon from some cult? Is it a mascot for an octuple-A baseball team nobody’s ever heard of? I feel like I’m missing the punchline to a joke. Whatever it is, I like it cuz Skitter likes it.
Suzanne and I had some Christmas presents to deliver to Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette—and Gracie, too—so we drove to Provo a few days after Christmas, when the season had settled down for everyone. We and our Face Masks o’ the Day were treated to an hour of good—though mildly muffled—conversation with Gracie’s parents, and a live performance of The Gracie Show.
Skitter visited the Blackwelder’s with us. It was the first time Skitter and Grace had met, and their encounter was a success. Gracie was enamored with the mutt, and Skitter was willing to let Amazing Grace shower her with up-close, pokey, hands-on attention that only a kid can give. Skitter basked in it. In fact, I didn’t ever see Skitter vibrate around Grace. Well, I guess that’s not quite true. Gracie has a slide in her room, on which she performed amusing tricks for us. Skitter begged me to let her go down the slide a few times to impress The Divine Miss Grace. Of course, I helped Skitter be brave to accomplish the scary feat. Let me tell you, Skitter vibrated all the way down the slide three times, much to Gracie’s delight.
Bishopette Collette later texted that Grace talked about Skitter long after we had gone home. When Skitter heard that, she asked me to teach her to wink. She wanted me to snap a photo of her winking to send to Gracie, and said photo is included here.
BTW Holiday Tie o’ the Day was a hit with Grace. I showed Gracie how to turn on the reindeer’s flashing red nose and Christmas music by pushing the fire flames on the tie. She pushed it as many times as you’d expect a toddler to push a button that turned on a flashing red light and Christmas music. The battery was dead by the time we left. I loved every minute of the visit.
I did dress up a tad formally for our pandemic New Year’s party at home—with no guests. But I walked around the house in my minimally formal finery for only as long as it took for me to snap this photo of me and my three holiday Bow Ties o’ the Last Day o’ 2020. The best thing about 2020 was being able to spend so many days in pajamas.
#wearthedangmask #masksareourlifesavingfriends #dontfearthedangmask #wearingamaskdoesnottakeawayyourcivilrights #wearingamaskhelpsusstayalivetoenjoyourcivilrights #wearingamaskhelpsthepeoplearoundyounotdiefromthecoronavirusyoumightbeinfectedwithwithoutevenknowingyouhaveit
Drum roll, please!
Helen’s bigly Holiday Tie Tally: 209 Neckties. 93 Bow Ties. (In a few upcoming photos you will see me and Skitter in more holiday ties. They were snapped over the holidays, but I have already included the neckwear in this final tally.)
Helen’s Holiday Face Mask Tally: 9. (I didn’t make much of an investment in Christmas face masks, cuz I hope we won’t be needing them next X-mas season.)
Skitter’s Holiday Tie Tally: 25 Neckties. 1 Bow Tie.
Here’s the rest of what I utilized to bring y’all TIE O’ THE DAY’s jolly neckwear o’ 2020: 2 leg lamps. 3 Charlie Brown Christmas trees. 1 Old Man bobblehead. 1 Ralphie bobblehead. 5 festive jackets. 4 X-mas-themed, button-down shirts. 1 lighted antler headband. 1 Santa hat. 1 Bah Humbug hat. 1 Santa baseball cap. 1 lighted turkey hat. 1 pair of Grinch pajama bottoms. 3 pairs of obnoxious X-mas leggings. 1 ugly sweater. 3 “ugly sweater”-style, long-sleeved t-shirts. 1 gingerbread person t-shirt. 1 redneck elf t-shirt. 1, 3-D turkey necktie. 1 bow tie body thong. 1 red-nosed reindeer body thong. 1 blow-up Santa beard. AND most importantly, 2 milkweed pod, Nativity scene Christmas tree ornaments made by my grandma, Momo, at least 50 years ago.
Whew! This has been an exhausting blast!
