Category: Capes

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Another Cape For My Capers

Bow Tie o’ the Day is dressed in a field of red and white hearts on black silk. It clashes bigly with my newest cape. My heart-covered hat does some eye-popping clash as well.

As you probably guessed from the hearts on my cape’s pink side, this is my Valentine’s cape. Suzanne cut, assembled, pinned, sewed, and ironed it just for me. Just like she usually does. You know I have an obsessive hankerin’ for Suzanne-made capes. A girl can never have enough capes.

I’ve discovered that although wearing a cape doesn’t make me a superhero, wearing a cape does make me feel like I’m walking around in my blanket wherever I go. To me, that’s every bit as wonderful as being a superhero. (I asked Suzanne to make me a flannel cape for extra warmth, and she’s all for it.)

Especially as children, but also as adults, we have a tendency to mythologize our parents. We make them more than human. We make them bigger, smarter, funnier, braver, etc., than they really are. We think of them almost as superheroes. And that’s okay. I mean, to be fair, our parents think each of their kids is a genius, an all-state athlete, a musical prodigy, an artist, and a mythological character– all wrapped up into one snot-nosed brat.

Now, I know my parents aren’t perfect. You know your parents aren’t perfect. But they’re our parents. When we realize exactly how precious they are, their mistakes seem to recede into the horizon in our minds. Their greatest kindnesses and triumphs come to the forefront of our memories. We learn to forgive their mistakes and embrace their most excellent accomplishments. That’s as it should be.

Of course, we should try to improve on the worst qualities our parents handed down to us. And we should live by the best characteristics that live in them. We should carry their best characteristics with us always. We should tell stories and tall tales about our parents’ lives to our families and friends and whoever else will listen. That’s how we teach the important stuff forward.

Even when I’m wearing a fantabulous cape, I try to carry my parents’ best qualities with me. Perhaps one day, if somebody mythologizes me into a superhero, I’ll be able to fly in it.

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Because It Showed Up In The Mail

Tie o’ the Day helped me be kinda matchy as I dressed up in my version of black-tie attire for a night in the city of Salt. Yes, I wore my black-and-white harlequin cape. (Apparently, I also wore a creepy face.)

I don’t know if this happens where you live, but we often get impersonal, bulk mail invitations in the mailbox to attend retirement, investment, insurance, or time-share seminars. They lure you with a free meal. You show up, listen to their pitch, then you get your free food.

When we got one of these retirement seminar invitations recently, I said to my weird self, “Hey, this thing will qualify as a Weird Date Night.” I immediately made reservations. I told Suzanne to put WEIRD DATE on her calendar for that evening, and I didn’t tell her anything about what we would actually be doing. A few days before the event was scheduled to happen, I finally had to inform her of the particulars so she’d know how to dress, and she’d know to not chow down on anything bigly that day.

We’ve never done this type of Weird Date Night before, and we probably won’t do it again. It’s not right to show up to hear about something we have no interest in doing, and then eat for free. But we like new experiences– especially if they’re out of the ordinary. And if they include free food, that’s an enticing bonus.

This particular seminar was happening at Ruth’s Chris Steak House, so it was a no-brainer. I knew up front that part of signing up for this sales pitch meant the company would call us and email us to “follow-up” the next day, which they did. And they will again, I’m sure. Small price to pay for a free salmon dinner. Small price to pay for a Weird Date Night.

The “product” these organizers were pitching was their expertise in retirement planning. I slept through their presentation hour, but with my eyes politely open. When my head nodded in my dozing, I’m sure it just looked to everyone like I was agreeing with the presenters. I’ve been in so many unnecessary, dull work meetings in the course of my life that I am an expert in covert, eyes-open sleep-listening.

In the final analysis, Suzanne said the retirement seminar was actually quite helpful. She’s in charge of our retirement, so I’ll believe her. She’s the money maven.

The seminar was helpful to me too. I got a nap, and I got to put my cheesecake dessert in a Ruth’s Chris take-out bag, so I could go home and further gorge myself for free.

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I Love Me My Capes!

Baseball Bow Tie o’ the Day tells you I’m ready for Summer to get its butt here ASAP. It’s not just the cold. It’s the mud. Skitter brings mud into the house every time she comes in from pottying. I have to dust pan and Swiffer at least three times a day. It’s not as if I can tell Skitter to remove her paws before she enters the house. And training her to wipe her feet ain’t gonna happen.

The most important part of this post photo is clearly my newest Suzanne-made cape. The clash it adds to my shirt, tips the scales way over the clash-snappy limit. I win. Whatever the fashion competition, I win. My cape is a superpower all by itself. I haven’t had it long enough to have determined exactly what superpowers it gives me, but I’ll let you know when I find out.

I can say for sure that when I wore it in MCR last week, a few residents did stop in mid-sentence to gaze at its billowy, unfurled-ness as I passed through the halls. It at least has the power to cause momentary speechlessness.

The cape didn’t make Mom one bit speechless though. She complimented the cape, then she went on and on about what a talented seamstress Suzanne is. There I was, in person, with Mom in her room, after driving 2 1/2 hours to visit her, and all Mom could talk about was Suzanne. Of course, all I talked about was Suzanne too. And Skitter. We talked about Skitter, who Mom couldn’t quit petting.

Skitter had to get used to my capes when I began wearing them a few months ago. They whoosh around as I walk, and they are large compared to coats. Occasionally, a cape hem brushes across Skitter’s back. It frightened her at first, but she learned to tolerate it. She tolerates the entire cape thing now because she has no choice .

I usually wear a coat when I take The Skit for her walkies. But for the rest of the outside world, I wear a cape. When I drape a cape on my shoulders, she knows she’s not going anywhere (except when we visit Mom). When I put on a cape to go out alone or with Suzanne, Skitter puts on her I-know-I’m-not-invited, pouty face. I think Skitter blames the capes for her being left alone– as if they’re my new pets and I’m taking them for secret walkies without her. Perhaps Skitter needs her own personal cape to wear, and to play with when I’m not home. I’ll speak to Suzanne, the resident seamstress, about that.

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And Heeeeeere’s Side 2 Of The Wintry Cape

Ties o’ Last Night are ecstatic to present the wintry cape’s flip-side, which you haven’t yet seen in all its fabulosity. Both sides of this shimmering cape drop glitter wherever the cape travels. Suzanne be the Cape-maker to the Ties. And to me.

I chose to display these ties together as a way to sort of illustrate something I think about occasionally– especially at this time of year when everybody’s talking about making resolutions: What kind of person am I, and is that the sort of person I want to be?

Am I Scrooge, holding my little candle, and saying BAH HUMBUG as I move through life? Am I an elf, happily completing whatever project or errand I’m assigned to do, without doing much bigly thinking? Am I a jolly ol’ gal who gives much and expects nothing in return? Am I just a cold blob with one goal: don’t melt? Am I a HO?

Of course, all of those traits are angles of our personalities. Any given person is a spectrum of human thinking and emotions and roles. I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying, “Well, YOU might be a HO, but I most certainly am not!”

After much reflection, I do believe that although I am all these ties, I am a HO most of all. And I think it’s a good thing. It’s certainly a much-needed aspect of all emotionally healthy human beings to sometimes HO around. Of course, I mean it in the HO HO HO way. The greetings-to-all way. The laughter way. The explosion-of-wonder way.

Being a HO is my go-to. It’s how I make sense of a sometimes out o’ control planet. If I can’t laugh about difficult things I can’t change, I try to HO HO HO my way through it. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s a way to maintain sanity. We all need some HO in us.

I have tried to make HO-ing a skill. I hone my HO-ness to the point I think it’s worth passing along in these posts, in the HOpe it will touch the HO in you enough that you can pass along some of your HO HO HO to others. It can be a confusing and tough life at times, so embrace your inner HO. HO’s are for sharing.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 98 Bow ties. 181 Neckties.

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Heeeeeeeeeere’s My Winter Cape (Side 1)

Striped Bow Tie o’ the Day is pleased to debut one side of the new wintry cape Suzanne created for me a couple of weeks ago. I thought Suzanne deserved to model my cape in the TIE O’ THE DAY spotlight since she works so tirelessly to make my whims become reality. Not everyone is willing to make capes, even for those they love. Ask yourself if your person would sew you a cape if you really, really, really wanted one. That’ll tell you where you stand.

Please note that Suzanne is in her pajamas under the cape, and I took the photo at 4:04 PM today, a Wednesday. Suzanne woke up with a bad headache this morning, so she said NO to going into work today. We jointly declared it to be a Pajama Day. What did Suzanne do with her day off? She slept-in half the day. Surprise, surprise. And now she’s working on a quilt top, which teems with doggies. Surprise, surprise. She’s laid out the fabric on the floor, figuring out the perfect arrangement of panels. (That’s the best use of floors.) Look at all those teeny squares she took the time to “fussy cut” and piece together. And take a guess who is the intended getter o’ Suzanne’s blanket creation. I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!

But I am lucky. I can walk under ladders.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 53 Bow ties. 103 Neckties.

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A Speedy Jaunt To D-ville

So, about yesterday’s adventure… We had such a lovely, long day with Mom in Delta I had no time to write and post about it last evening, as I had said I would.

We bawled. We laughed. We chortled. We told a zillion some-what true stories. Millard Care and Rehab (MCR) shook, rocked, rolled, and roared yesterday. Damn! Snowman Bow Tie o’ the Day and Winter Cape o’ the Day had a grand Saturday hangin’ out with Mom. Mom is, as Suzanne says, the Belle of the Ball at MCR. And she is treated as such.

I never alert Mom when I’m headed down to see her, in case something happens to prevent me from showing up when I say I will– so she’s always a bit surprised when we walk in. Yesterday, she immediately started to cry. She kept assuring me and Suzanne that her tears were tears of joy. What a welcome for us! Of course, I know Mom’s joyful tears were all for Suzanne. I’m the third wheel when they’re with each other. (Poor me, eh?) Suzanne gave Mom some winter table runner-y things (I don’t know what they’re called) she had quilted for Mom’s table and chest of drawers. Goal for Suzanne!

Skitter even drove down with us and got to touch her nose to Mom’s hand from outside, through the screen window in Mom’s room.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that Skitter and Mom took to each other immediately when they first met– despite Skitter’s fear of everything, and despite Mom’s dislike for touching pets. Skitter has always gently pawed at Mom, and Mom has always enjoyed petting Skitter. Skitter has never been afraid of Mom’s touch. Of course, I’m sure it helped that Mom’s hands always smelled of whatever yummy thing she had been cooking.

For our visit with Mom, I wore the latest cape Suzanne created for me. [I’ll display it more completely in a future post.] The cape is dramatic, to say the least. Mom loved both sides of it. In the photo with me and Mom together, Mom is in snuggled in the cape with me. But, of course, you can’t see that very well because my stupid arm is in the way– because I’m such a genius selfie photographer.

One of the coolest features of the cape is that both fabrics are covered in glitter. By the time we were done with all the hugs and kisses of yesterday, Mom had glitter on her clothes and her face, and she sparkled like the sparkler she still is. I love that sparkly broad.

The second picture shows a bit of the other side of my cape, but it primarily shows you the permanent sign in the hall outside Mom’s room, identifying her as the room’s resident. She prizes her bewitching name sign, and will not allow it to be changed even though Halloween is long gone. If nothing else, Mom knows exactly what she’s all about. Clearly, she’s an over-the-top entertainer in her soul.

When I knew Suzanne would be driving down with me, I knew there would be a trip to MOM’S CRAFTS on the schedule. I even ribbed her that her purpose for driving to Delta with me had nothing to do with Mom, but was to go to MOM’S CRAFTS. She ducked out from MCR on her own for that foray. [And thank you, Kyla, for allowing Suzanne to spend our entire Christmas budget on fabric while she was shopping there.] When Suzanne returned to MCR, she gave Mom a peak at her fabric booty, and Mom was in high Heaven checking it out. And then Mom fell all over herself complimenting Suzanne about her mastery of all things sewing and crafting. Suzanne’s sewing head swelled with her own greatness. If Mom had given Suzanne one more compliment, Suzanne’s swelled head would not have fit inside the car. I would have had to tie her to the roof rack for the drive back to Centerville.

I can’t even begin to tell you exactly what we did or what we talked about while playing with Mom, but I think even the MCR staff had a fine time watching and hearing us have a rowdy party. All I can I can say is that the noise and affection never stopped. And the love glittered the entire time.

Like I said about Mom a few paragraphs ago, I love that sparkly old broad.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 29 Bow ties. 74 Neckties.

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Suzanne Hacked This Post

Suzanne– who stars in this photo– innocently worked away at a fabric-y project all evening. But when the Ties o’ the Day and I sat down at the laptop this morning to compose this post, we found she had worked on another project as well. We found the following message– written by Suzanne– already typed in on this page. We leave her words exactly as we found them:

“I know the cape tally will never equal the ties, but I hope everyone knows that I make them by hand, carefully spinning the cotton, weaving, dying and printing the fabric, then I have to cut out each pattern piece (there are 393 in total), finally I make each stitch—evenly spaced—painstakingly with a needle and thread. I work far into the night by candlelight, occasionally I use the lantern, then I fashion a specific ribbon for the TIE closure at the neckline. I’m pretty sure the selling price would run well into several tens of thousands of dollars and instead of quitting my day job, I donate each and every cape to the one, the only, tie o’ the day founder, H.E. Wright, who, coincidentally gave me the BEST. SEWING. BOX. EVER.”

We proclaim: All praise to The Ultimate SewingBox Suzanne, Cape-maker to the Wearer o’ Ties!

Note to self: Inactivate Suzanne’s Administrator status for the website, so she can’t hack me with her two-cents’-worth again.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 23 Bow ties. 60 Neckties.

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I Did A Whole Lotta Nothin’

Bow Tie o’ the Day is dashing in its Christmas colors, while Ties o’ the Day do not give a clue as to my activities for the day. As you can see from the photo, when I declare Pajama Day, we really have Pajama Day. Another thing you can see in this photo is that — surprise! surprise!– there is no Pajama Day rule that demands pj’s must match. The other halves of this pj combo are in a laundry basket. I have no idea how they all got separated in the first place. Maybe the socks taught the pj’s how to lose each other.

I can report that Suzanne has been– as I told you she would be–at her Ultimate SewingBox or at the ironing board all day. And do you know what she’s creating? Of course you do. She’s sewing me a Christmas cape I will be able to wear all Winter season. She has enough fabric left over to make another cape, but I don’t need two of the same cape.

I suggested Suzanne use the extra fabric to make a cape for herself, and then I immediately took back my words. A cape would not work for Suzanne. Even she agrees a cape is dangerous for her. She has a bit of a klutz-ocity problem, and capes can get caught in things. When we are out together in the world, I carry a piece of chalk so I can make chalk outlines around Suzanne when she falls on the ground– which she does consistently enough that I’m always running out of chalk. And to be completely honest, I carry the chalk in the house too. She’s clumsy.

Skitter’s day is going exactly as I told you it would in this morning’s post. As for me– well, I told you this morning I’d let you know how I ended up spending my day. I ate ice cream. I revised one of my poems. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I ate a half-dozen bite size Kit Kats. Suzanne and I had a tiff, which we worked through without throwing irons at each other (we have 2 irons). I made a ham sandwich, which tasted amazingly like a ham sandwich. I played some solitaire on my phone. I took Skitter for her walkie. The satellite dish got snow on it, blocking the signal– so I climbed up the ladder, broom in hand, and scraped it off. Success! I made a list o’ errands and phone calls I need to take care of Monday. I watched Suzanne cut fabric for my new cape, and now I’m watching her sew it. I gave Skitter her chew treat after watching her do her “chew dance.” I wrote two TIE O’ THE DAY POSTS, for which I snapped pictures. That’s about all I did. One thing I did NOT do was go fishing with Santa and his reindeer.

But I thought you’d like the fishing Ties o’ the Day anyway.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 19 Bow ties. 50 Neckties.

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Up Early. Must Beat Rush Hour Traffic.

Tie o’ the Day and Cape o’ the Day are headed out the door with me before dawn, to take one of our lickety-split drives to Delta to see Mom– and we’ll be back this afternoon in time for Judge Judy. Mom and Judge Judy! Two of my all-time fave bad-ass women!

I chose this particular Tie o’ the Day for Mom’s benefit. Mom has a thing for snowmen. Even though I’m not dragging out the daily holiday ties yet, Mom deserves to see this one. Here’s a piece of wisdom for you: There is nothing wrong with trying to make your Mom jolly– ever. If your mom likes snowmen, give her snowmen– no matter what time of year it is.

Cape o’ the Day is the reverse side of the skull/Frida cape I showed off last week. Mom’s gonna get a kick out of this too. She will especially swoon all over it when she finds out Suzanne made it. OMGolly, Suzanne can do no wrong, as far as Mom’s concerned. Suzanne’s general good behavior and craft ability help me get away with my shenanigans. I guess Suzanne’s kind of my redeeming quality, whether or not she’s present with me. Her upstanding essence will be traveling with me today, in the guise of my Suzanne-made cape.