Category: Bow Ties

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Sunday Brunch, A Spat, And A Roll Of Toilet Paper

[I re-post this at the request of a reader who asked if I would “post the one about your fight with Suzanne and the roll of toilet paper.” After searching my post database, I’m confident this is what the reader was referring to. (Notice that I was wearing my grapes Bow Tie o’ the Day in the photo, which was in another post only a few days ago.) The following post hails from August of 2018, a few weeks after my bigly pancreas surgery—during which time Suzanne pestered me relentlessly about my not lifting anything, so I wouldn’t pop open my incision or otherwise damage my recuperating self. Enjoy, or re-enjoy this old post.]

Bow Ties o’ the Day had a fantastic time at Cafe Niche for Sunday brunch. As you can see, Suzanne wanted to get in on the bow tie act. We donned our bow tie bibs for the feast because we were famished, and we were afraid we might eat sloppily. The bow ties on each bib did a perfect job of keeping our clothing from being defaced by our lack of delicate eating. And bigly Bow Tie o’ the Day presents its grapes—Mormon grapes for Sunday, I’m sure.

Brunch can have a calming effect. I recommend it when you’re stressed out or tense. Suzanne and I stressed ourselves out by having a little tiff last night—over nothing of any real importance. But the tiff happened, and the tiff went on in silence, right on into today.

In the middle of the night when I had to potty, I ended up using the last few squares on the toilet paper roll. There was a new roll on the bathroom vanity, three inches from the tp holder. Normally, of course, I’d change out the rolls—no matter what time of the middle of the night it was. But I was still miffed about our earlier tiff, and there was no way in heck I was gonna politely take the old roll off and put the new one on. Nope. Suzanne was gonna have to do it herself the next time she needed to potty. (That’ll teach her!) And do you know what I thought in my tiff-miffed head as I walked back to bed? I thought with great sarcasm, “Well, she told me I wasn’t allowed to lift anything, and I’m sure that includes a roll of toilet paper.” And I sooo wanted her to say something to me about the tp roll incident this morning, so I could say the same snotty thing right to her precious face. But she didn’t mention it, on purpose, I’m sure. And then we went to brunch, and everything got forgiven and forgotten.

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My Virtual Doctor Appointment

Because I own about 500 holiday ties and bow ties, I imagine you think I have many Groundhog Day pieces o’ neckwear. But I don’t. I own this single Groundhog Day Tie o’ the Day, and unless I run across some ultra-spectacular one in the future, I’m content with this one. I mean—Groundhog Day is not an actual holiday. And it’s not even a party day, like St. Patrick’s Day. It’s just a day to gab about a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil, about how long his shadow thinks winter’s going to stick around this year, and how we’re already ready to move on to spring.

Anyhoo… I had a virtual appointment with my pain doctor this morning. So I sat at the kitchen island at the designated appointment time, and some unknown-to-me dude starts talking to me on my laptop. I knew exactly what he was going to say, and he did. He told me he’s a doctor-in-training, working with my normal pain doctor, and then he asked if it was okay if he asked me a bunch of questions before I talked to my official doctor. Of course, it was fine with me. We chatted for probably 10 minutes, and as he was wrapping up his note-taking , he said, “Your doctor told me I was going to see a bow tie today when I talked to you.” Oh, I immediately felt I had disappointed the whole world. I have worn a bow tie to see my pain doc at every appointment I’ve had with her for the last 8 years, partly because her name is Dr. Bow. This morning, I felt like I had disgraced myself. Sure, I was wearing this Groundhog Day Tie o’ the Day, but ties are too long to be as visible as bow ties on virtual appointments. I lifted Tie so the guy could see and read it, and he liked it so much he told me he was glad I chose it. I apologized profusely to him for not having a Groundhog Day bow tie. I guess I ought to shop for one, whether I want one or not. I can’t just go around letting people down. I felt so bad for not being the authentic “me” for Dr. Bow’s trainee. How could I not present as the bow tie wearer which she had clearly advertised me to be when she prepared him for my appointment?

When the doctor-in-training signed off, and Dr. Bow joined me a few minutes later, the first thing she said was, “Where’s your bow tie?” I was disgraced, yet again. I felt as if I had disappointed her. But Dr. Bow liked the tie, too. She also said, “It’s just that I barely recognized your face without a bow tie under it.”

FYI Check out my new Face Mask o’ the Day, complete with a secret hole built into it for a drink straw. Oh, happy Diet Coke day for me!

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We Haven’t Gone Out To Eat Since My Birthday Last March😱

When I posted about my 2002 Funeral Potatoes Olympic Pin a few days ago, it pierced my heart that since the pandemic came to the planet, I haven’t really had much of a reason to accessory-up and go out on the town—especially for fancy dinner at fancy restaurants. This means that I haven’t had reason to wear my lapel pins and cufflinks as I would normally do for our travel and grand outings, which also means I haven’t been posting photos of said lapel pins and cufflinks. I must remedy that, because my accessories live in the Tie Room with the neckwear, and they deserve their place in the spotlight, too.

Grapes Bow Tie o’ the Day sits bigly below my Mormon grapes Cufflinks o’ the Day, which I’m holding between my lips. But the bilgiest deal here is my Mormon grapes Lapel Pin o’ the Day, which I’m actually wearing more as a pocket accessory in this selfie. Isn’t it the coolest lapel pin ever known to mankind? I bought it on a trip with Suzanne to a Salt Lake City Deseret Industries store, in 1985. I think you can see why I have left the piece of jewelry attached to its D.I. sophisticated packaging ever since I got it. What is not visible here is the price tag stuck to the packaging. It cost a whole 50 cents. After owning it for 36 years, it is still priceless to me and my odd funny bone.

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The Oscars Are In April This Year

Although I haven’t decided on the exact right Bow Tie o’ the Day for the event, I might not have to look much longer to find my Oscar gown. You know how I love my paisley, and I honestly don’t know if I could pick out anything more like me than this outfit. I can see me now, wowing them on the Red Carpet, one paisle at a time—in my cowboy boots, of course.

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My Jacket Was Sued

I was minding my own business watching Judge Judy, like I always do, when in comes the defendant, wearing what I call MY purple pimp jacket. I ran up the stairs to make sure the purple pimp jacket was still in my closet, and it was. When I knew my pimp jacket was safe and secure, and that this dude hadn’t burglarized my house to take it, I plopped back down in front of the television. I couldn’t help but cheer for the dapperly dressed man as he tried to explain his way out of the shenanigans that made him end up as a defendant on Judge Judy. Alas! He was shady, through-and-through. Even the bolo tie couldn’t save him. I felt especially bad for his jacket. It hadn’t been adopted into a good home like mine, clearly.

Anyhoo… The guilty dude has a swell jacket just like mine, but he has neither my Prince-Albert-in-a-can Bow Tie o’ the Day, nor does he have my 2002 Funeral Potatoes Olympic pin that I so proudly display here in my purple pimp jacket’s lapel. I win.

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Reminder: Call Your Mom, If You Still Can

Here’s a picture of me actually calling Mom yesterday. Well, I didn’t really wear the face mask, but I thought it clashed nicely with my outfit as a whole, so I wore it for the photo. And, to be honest, I didn’t really call Mom on this obsolete phone which now hangs in my garage. But it’s the phone that hung on my family’s kitchen wall for 60 years, so I knew it had to be in the snapshot. Mom was the official house phone-answerer. Dad had a compulsive aversion to answering the phone—except when Mom was out of town overnight, and then he sat at the kitchen table, waiting for her call.

Please note the smudges on the bottom of the receiver. Mom was probably in the middle of mixing a batch of cookies when the phone last rang. Mom always answered the phone (and she was always cooking something or other as she answered), and then she’d use her shoulder to hold the phone to her ear while she washed her hands, gabbing away like a pro to whoever was on the other end of the line. I’m so glad I decided not to wash the phone before I re-hung it here with me. Those smudges have lasting meaning.

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Grimacing For Travel

I love my world map Bow Tie o’ the Day. We haven’t traveled anywhere since the pandemic came around, and I’m getting itchy to see some new sights. I was thinking I might choose where to go next by sticking a pin in Bow Tie’s map. But just the thought of sticking a pin in any bow tie made me grimace, as you can clearly see.

Last night, when Suzanne was at the puzzle, she asked me where I want to go when we finally feel like we can go on a bigly adventure again. I said I wasn’t sure where our next destination should be. Suzanne doesn’t fool me, though. She knows darn well where I want to go: Traverse City, Michigan. She’s just not sure she wants to go there. I’ve read about it, and it seems like it could be a laid-back place to play. It’s tourist-friendly, without being too touristy. And we’ve never been to that proverbial neck of the proverbial woods. Now, I don’t mean to make this post self-serving, but if any of you run into Suzanne in the near future, I’d appreciate it if you could sort of organically drop the name “Traverse City” into your conversation with her. Maybe she’ll start thinking it’s her idea to go there. That would really help me out a lot.🤓🤣

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And The Birthday Balloon Bow Tie Goes To…

Birthday balloons Bow Tie o’ the Day reached waaaaaaay back for this photo, which includes today’s beauteous birthday girl, Shelly Shields Monroe, there on the left. This picture hails from 1980, when we ended up together in the Miss Liberty royalty. Yes, I wore a dress. Lisa Topham was Miss Liberty. Shelly was 2nd Attendant, and I was 1st Attendant. For those of you not from the Delta area, and who are not familiar with the Miss Liberty pageant, let’s just say Miss Liberty and her attendants are the 4th of July royalty. We three rode on our own float in the 4th of July parade that year, in matching fabric dresses. Yes, even on the float, I had to wear a dress. At least Mom had made the dress for me, and—as she did with any dress she made me—had made pockets in it so I could carry a handful of Lemonheads, a pen, a tiny notebook, and a tiny book with me at all times during the July 4th parade. Lisa and Shelly and I waved and waved and waved and waved all the way down Main Street. Other than that, all I really remember about the whole Miss Liberty competition and the 4th of July parade was that I kept whispering sarcastic things to Shelly to make her laugh at inappropriate times. It worked.

Shelly and I haven’t lived near each other since we graduated from good ol’ Delta High School nearly 40 years ago. We have talked to each other probably only three or four times since then, but each time the talking came as easily as if we see each other every day. I highly suspect that if life were different, and Shelly and I lived in the same town, we would be like Mom and Peggy: grabbing a daily Coke and going for a ride through the landscape, during which we would help each other navigate the vicissitudes of life, and we would solve the problems of the world—being clever and snort-laughing all the way. Yeah, I think we’d be like Mom and Peggy, but with a lot of Thelma and Louise mixed in. Mostly Louise.

Merry Birthday, my friend I never see!

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There Must’ve Been A X-mas Clearance Sale

Our Bow Tie o’ the Day is on a pair of boxer briefs some anonymous TIE O’ THE DAY sent me. I decided the showy, formal boxer briefs would best be presented here if I wore them over my jeans. Aren’t they groovetastic? I could not wait until next Christmas season to show y’all my new treasure.When I receive the occasional tie-related gift in the mail, I am always reminded how blessed I am to be able to write these posts and have actual people pay attention to them. I am blessed to be able to connect in this way with folks I have somehow encountered along my life’s adventurous, meandering course. The list o’ blessings that have graced my life—and continue to do so—is too long to recount. Suffice it to say this: I usually feel as if I live in a kind of existential snow globe, in which, instead of the falling “snow,” blessings fall onto me every time my little world gets tipped over. I choose to see it that way. I suggest you view your world with a pair of blessing-colored glasses on occasion. It does wonders for your spirit.

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A Tidbit O’ Wisdom

Floppy Bow Tie o’ the Day gets kinda lost in my shirt, but “lost” is as fun a look as anything else. I’ve actually been lost in books today—moving them into organized-by-author stacks. When organizing your library, it doesn’t matter what organizing principle you use, as long as you use it consistently throughout. I’m toying with the idea of some day arranging the books in order of when I first read each tome. The problem with that organizing principle is that it would work only for me, and Suzanne would be up a creek without a bookmark.

I was also going through magazines so I can toss them. In one of the magazines, I read a simple and yet profound quote in an interview with the Tony-winning, Emmy-winning, Oscar-winning actor, Viola Davis. Speaking about how some people struggle to feel valuable even in their own lives, she said the following: “There are all these tickets into worth. In this culture you’re always showing someone your worth. But the only real ticket into worth is that you were born. That’s it. Over and out.” You are just as valuable as anyone else. You are neither more valuable, nor are you less valuable. To deliberately injure someone in any way is to believe that you are more valuable than they are. I’m here to kindly tell you that you are not.