Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Y’all can see the Divine Miss Grace is related to me. She was all bows-up as Minnie Mouse for Halloween. She rocks her Bow Ties o’ the Day like a pro. President Travis and President-ette Collette are obviously still teaching Gracie The Way o’ the Bow, and I am one proud grand-aunt.
I chose to wear a painted wood Bow Tie o’ the Day and a leafy Face Mask o’ the Day for my first solo trip to the grocery store since surgery. Of course, I picked up some ice cream. I also spent a significant amount of time perusing the Christmas candy aisle, as you can see here. My shopping powers are somewhat limited for another couple of weeks, since my doctor has forbidden me to lift anything more than 10 pounds yet—including a bag of groceries that already has a tub of ice cream in it. I was disciplined about buying Christmas candy: I can honestly say I did not buy more than 10 pounds of it. But if I feel the need, I can always make another 10-lb candy run tomorrow. I’m so bored from sitting around recovering that it’s a very real possibility I will do exactly that.
You would think I’ve had my fill of all things medical right now, but that isn’t the case. Just for more punishment, on my way out of the hospital, I asked if they could give me my annual flu shot. They were happy to oblige. And then, a week after I was discharged, it was finally time for my COVID-19 booster shot. I slapped on my wood birdies Bow Tie o’ the Day and drove myself out to the Legacy Events Center vaccination drive-thru in Farmington to get my arm poked with my booster. Other than a sore arm the next morning, I had nary a side effect. It was so good to be out in the world on my own again—for an hour. After that, I needed a long winter’s nap for the rest of the day.
My hospital room had a sweet and calming view, 24/7. No view is swell enough to make a person want to stay in even the finest of hospitals, however. From the first moment I arrived, all I wanted to do was get out. On the 6th day of my stay, the doctors shut down my epidural, so I could get used to the pain I would be feeling for the near future. In a matter of hours, my torso went from being numb and number to being on fire with blazing pain. It was not fun. My belly was a hunk, a hunk o’ burnin’ OUCH. I did manage to eat a hospital last supper of Cardiac French Toast, which I liked more because of its name than its taste. And on the 7th day, I put on my pajamas and an orange spider/white spiderweb Bow Tie o’ the Day, and then I high-tailed it for home as fast as Suzanne’s car could take us.
Days 2-6 in the hospital were each very much the same. You’ll note my hospital gowns all looked alike, so there was no bigly fashion variety except my Bow Ties o’ the Day. And I could wear different Face Masks o’ the Day, so that was nice. After surgery, though, the main goal is to get out of the hospital. If you’ve had a surgical hospital stay, you already know what milestones you must pass to get the doctors to okay your discharge. If you haven’t had the surgery experience, let me school you. You must do the following four things: walk on your own two legs, eat without throwing up, pee in a potty, and poop in a potty. In short, you have to prove you can be a successful 3-year-old. It took me a week to pass the toddler tests.
I wasn’t feeling giddy with joy after my surgery, but I still had spark enough to put on a fresh wood Bow Tie o’ the Day. I mean—I figured if I was gonna be somewhere people were constantly inspecting me and my incisions and drains and vitals, I owed it to them to give ’em something fashionable to look at. My daily neckwear ended up being a dandy curiosity for my nurses and doctors. And, of course, it made me feel more like myself during my hospital stay.
Here’s the skinny on my surgery. The operation took nearly 6 hours. The incision began at my belly button and went straight up all the way to my breastbone. (See, I really was gutted.) My surgeon spent nearly half of the surgery time fighting her way through the scar tissue adhesions left from my first Hanky Panky surgery three years ago. She was able to remove the pesky pancreatic stone that has been stuck in the pancreatic duct recently: the calcification which has been causing all my painful drama this year. She also widened the pancreatic duct to make it more likely any new calcifications my pancreas might grow will be able to pass freely out of my Panky. She did not have to remove any more of my remaining half pancreas. Let us all cross our fingers and toes that this is my last apocalyptic run-in with my dastardly Cranky Hanky Panky. Frankly, I’m tired of it being a topic.
Hey, I’m realistic. I know my pancreas is never going to be completely pain-free or normal, but I’m hoping its peculiarities will be easier for me to live with from now on. So far, my situation is looking to be on the upswing. I am blessed, yet again.
The day began with my typical antics in the surgery waiting area of Huntsman Cancer Hospital. Suzanne wore the spiderweb face mask, while I donned the toughest University of Utah red Face Mask o’ the Day I could find. Bow Tie o’ the Bigly Surgery Day was one of my wood, magnetically attached t-shirt bow ties—with Day o’ the Dead skulls, in this case. I felt ready for what was ahead. After I got changed into my surgery duds, I had fun sculpting designs with my “hair net.” Here, you see my versions of a beret and a beehive hairdo. Alas! The fun would not last long that day.
TIE O’ THE DAY is back. I’m back. I certainly missed y’all, and in my next few posts, I will get you caught up on my Huntsman Cancer Hospital stay and my Cranky Hanky Panky adventures. For now, suffice it to say that my surgery went well and my recovery is coming along as planned. I am moving around gingerly, but efficiently. Most importantly, I am not dead. That’s always a good thing.
I still have a sprawling list of things to do before my little hospital vacay begins Thursday. But did that stop me from spending way too much time in the Tie Room today? Nope. It did not. The wood bow ties needed some long overdue tidying up in their drawers, and then I was suddenly making a face o’ Bow Ties o’ the Day with these four gems. I went with the mesmerizing “eyes,” a mustache, lips, and a colorful painted bow tie. I may not always get as much done as I intend to, but I always have a good time dinkin’ around. I’m a distraction from myself. 👻
Since I’m in the final stretch on the path to surgery, I’ve been tying up loose ends and getting my files and housekeeping in order. The house—and the occupants thereof—must be able to chug right along without me while I’m stuck in the hospital for a week or so. I’ve stocked the pantry. The case of Skitter’s wet food I ordered showed up on the front step. I’ve organized the face masks by color, so Suzanne can easily find matches for her office attire. I’ve loaded as much of my music as I can onto my phone, so I can lie there in the Huntsman Cancer Hospital and listen through the post-surgery pain and boredom. Heck, I even spent the better part of a day cleaning all the light switch plates and polishing every doorknob in the house. I don’t know why I felt like I had to polish the doorknobs. I just knew I’d feel like something was left undone if I didn’t do it.
Anyhoo… All of this prepping has worn me out. I found myself compelled to hang around in the candy aisle at the grocery store this morning, on a search for sugar energy. Here I am, wearing a cheap party Bow Tie o’ the Day. I am in my fave area of said candy aisle: the shelves o’ licorice. You’ll also note that I brought a lengthy sweet-tooth or two to the store with me, in the guise of my vampire Face Mask o’ the Day. 🦇