Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day errands in Provo with me today. I’m lucky my mutts and ties have all enjoyed drives. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they had been prone to carsickness. Tonight, we get Mom again. Mom says this is her last trip up north. She’s said that for the last three years, every time she’s visited here. We’ve never believed her. Unfortunately, I think she’s right this time. It takes too much out of her. She can’t catch her breath. ☹️
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I hoped Mom would join us in our photo, but she’s still conked out. And snoring. Our Cufflinks o’ the Day are mega. They weigh a half-pound each. We’re headed to SLC, the metropolis, to my appointment 🏋️♀️ with my pain doc. If we’re accosted by a mugger, I can use Cufflinks like brass knuckles! My visits to the pain doc go like this: Doc says, HOW’S YOUR PAIN? I say, SAME. She says, SEE YOU NEXT MONTH! 👩⚕️ Helpful.
Hey! I dared make a real candy Bow Tie o’ the Day. It’s the craftiest craft I’ve crafted in my loooooong life. It actually resembles a bow tie! The best thing about homemade Bow Tie is I can eat the pb M&M’s when I’m done wearing it. Having to then make a replacement bow tie is a dandy excuse for buying more candy, which I’ll likewise munch. And thus, the Circle o’ Candy Bow Tie Life continues on— until I’m fat, hyperglycemic, and candy bow tie-less.
So it’s a Monday, and you’re kinda crabby, so you’re grumbling at the dog and at your own reflection in the window. You’re also hungry, but you don’t wanna cook, and you don’t wanna order a pizza or drive to a restaurant. You are about to give up on being jolly for even one minute today. And then… while you’re folding the laundry, two blessings stare up into your blue eyes: the Ties/Bow Ties o’ the Day boxers you sleep in. Where’s your grumpy now?! 🤗 👔 🎀
My pencils dress in Bow Ties o’ the Day to help me write. I planned to do a bunch of writing today, but the legal pad doesn’t lie. Me and Bow Ties are experiencing a severe bout of writer’s block. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes I have to swear at my own congested head before the words start percolating into something sensical. I am not a cursin’ gal. But swearing can be kinda like praying: I do it in private, and I focus intensely on inspiration.
Skitter’s been going through boxes o’ papers, and she latched onto Bow Tie o’ the Day, which decorates the most perfect-for-me birthday card I’ve ever received— right down to its shirt and vest. Suzanne gave the card to me years ago. I think she knows me well. In fact, she probably knows me too well for my own good. In the final analysis, I’m quite easy to please. My needs are simple: books and ties take care of me. Steak is also necessary. 🐄 🍽
I went to grab the mail, and one of my neighbors drove by. (She’s Rocko the Toddler’s mom. I know the names of neighbor-kids and neighbor-pets, but not their parents’ names. That’s how I roll.) I waved to Rocko’s mom, but she was clutching her throat. I thought the poor woman was choking. Nope. That was her way of saying YOU FORGOT TO WEAR A TIE! How embarrassing! It’s cool that my neighbors know my tie ways. Yet Rocko’s mom probably doesn’t know my name either.
Love me my Bow Tie o’ the Day! The solid purple of the back bow frames the front bow perfectly. My rubber ducky cufflinks are enamored of Bow Tie as well. If it weren’t for y’all, I wouldn’t even have gotten dressed today. I haven’t had to set foot outside the house. The weather’s gucky. The cupboards are full. I might as well have declared a Pajama Day for myself. But then you wouldn’t have gotten to see Bow Tie and Rubber Duckies o’ the Day. 👻
I’m gonna pretend this gnome, underneath his beard, is wearing a bow tie that looks just like this Bow Tie o’ the Day. My Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless cultivates a wondrous gnome garden, and I got this fellow for her to plant. This little guy, holding a littler guy reminds me of Dad. He’s wearing overalls (suspenders really), a tan work shirt, reading glasses, and that handsome beard. Whenever Dad held a baby, he didn’t hear or see anyone except that tiny being. 👶
I’m not particularly interested in single-color ties. Bow Tie o’ the Day is a fine exception. Who can’t groove to a metal-tipped bow tie? And this one is a swell salmon/coral beaut o’ a specimen. Its shiny tips make me long to dig through my storage to find my kidhood cap-gun and holster. Oh, and spurs. I have some spurs somewhere. Yes, and chaps! In my very younger years, I wore my spurs on my high-top Converse. I vow to bring back that fantasterful look!!