Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day and ‘Links o’ the Day are a bit watermelon-y. I’ve had the weirdest cravings lately. Today, I ate an entire box of Cinnamon Life cereal, and then consumed some watermelon. When we were vacationing in Monterey last month, I ate nothing but calamari and Red Vines licorice. I eat oddly, in general. But these are new levels of food combinations for me. Remember the cliché about pregnant women craving ice cream and pickles? Sounds yummy. I better not be pregnant. 😱 🙀
Bow Tie o’ the Day is my latest acquisition. The wood doggie do-dad thrills me, and the lush partridge and pheasant feathers are both soft and splendid. I photographed it alone, so you could gander at its ornithological grandeur. I often pet its silky feathers. FYI Suzanne is relatively pain-free after her lithotripsy trip to the hospital yesterday. She does have a patch of what resembles road rash on her side where the laser shot through her. But she’s peeing sandy rocks, which is a good sign. 🚽
Bow Tie o’ the Day declares it’s official: Suzanne doesn’t just have strength of character. She also has strength of kidney stones! Today, her humongous kidney stone defeated the Laser o’ Lithotripsy. I’ve always known Suzanne was tough, with a big splash of stubbornness. I just didn’t know she passed these qualities on to her kidney stones. This particular stone is 3.2 cm long, and the doc says she’s been creating it for years. The lithotripsy laser was unable to blow it to smithereens. What’s next? Dunno. ⛰ 🏋️♀️ 🤷🏻♀️
This Tie o’ the Day is an answer to any “what-kinda-tie-do-I-wear-today?” question. This morning we’re venturing to the hospital, where Suzanne’s bigly, gnarly kidney stone will be lasered into tinier, gnarly stones for her to pee out of her system. This procedure, called LITHOTRIPSY, is a new chapter in Suzanne’s book o’ kidney stones adventures. The next few weeks of peeing rocks will be fruitful for Suzanne though: She can add to her collection of past, passed gems. But unlike me, Suzanne doesn’t wear what she collects. 😱 💎
Bow Tie o’ the Day tidied the house, and discovered our money tree died. The tree was a got-hitched gift four years ago. I thought I couldn’t kill this plant, but I did. I insist we don’t use the money to purchase any kind of living or inanimate greenery. I’m thinking we oughta buy either a new dryer or a sailboat. Suzanne gets seasick, but not dryer sick, so I can guess which thing she’ll vote for. Her vote’s the one that counts. She’s our Electoral College. 🤢 ⛵
This is what transpires every time Bow Tie o’ the Day and I go shopping at JoAnn’s with Suzanne: She says she just needs one thing, so I go inside with her and look around. And then her cart keeps filling up, and I can see it’s gonna take some bigly time. I go wait in the car, where I listen to Wilco or The National or P!nk, while eating licorice, and snapping pix for TIE O’ THE DAY. She takes even longer at Mom’s Crafts. 🛒 🙄
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I discovered we need to make a grocery list. I don’t go grocery shopping until I absolutely have to, and the fridge and pantry are bare. Almost. In the fridge’s bottom compartment, sits one lonely, perfect package of Johnsonville Stadium Brats. In honor of Cufflinks o’ the Day, we’re ecstatic the brats are truly the only food left. See, now we can each eat two or three of them without guilt. Healthy food is for tomorrow. And tomorrow never really exists. 🌭
Cufflinks o’ the Day are whistling away at the pin-up girls gracing Shirt. Bow Tie o’ the Day is leather. It can’t create clash fashion, but ain’t it snazzy? The smallest things make me happy. I’ve been open about my bipolarity in these posts, so I can’t deny that TIE O’ THE DAY is sometimes the only reason I can crawl out of bed. I have no clue how my offbeat mind came up with the idea. But it works for me. It gives me purpose. 😉
Bow Tie o’ the Day– with matching ‘Links– is why wood exists. What a happy use for trees! We should plant trees to honor dead trees’ neckwear sacrifices, so future generations can create more wooden bow ties. Today, I was so mesmerized by Bow Tie’s hypnotic waves that it compelled me to become a dues-paying member of Bow SelecTie’s WOODEN-BOW-TIE-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB! I said to myself, “Self, why didn’t I think of joining the club myself?”. My self said, “Because you were lost, but now you are found.” 📪 🤡
Long Bow Tie o’ the Day is exhausted and exasperated. Look at its little cogs turning for relief. And I feel the same way, as do my own cogs. Why? We are sick of FEAR and PARANOIA. Even our Cufflinks think they should become extinct. We are sick of the shouting of internet memes that rant, “My politics are right. Yours will doom us all!” Spouting paranoia is not a factual, well reasoned argument that presents possible solutions to problems. Everything is not out to get us! Everything is not a conspiracy!