Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day is honored to announce a new addition to our family. Last night, Suzanne gave birth to this BIGLY kidney stone. Mother and stone are doing fine. Suzanne had no pain during the birth, and she even went off to work as usual. She was proud of herself, and she agreed our new baby rock should be introduced to the planet on TIE O’ THE DAY. It’ll save us postage, to not have to send paper announcements. We don’t yet have a name, however. 👶
7th grade, my room. Somebody snapped this pic during one of the parent-annoying sleepovers I threw. Bow Tie o’ the Day now provides coverage for a moon I caused. For once, I hadn’t created a moon with my own butt. Instead, I helped out this friend. (Mooning and streaking were BIGLY in the 70’s.) Me and my pals didn’t drink, do drugs, or smoke at my parties. I take that back. At one sleepless sleepover, we crushed potato chips, rolled them in paper, and smoked ’em. Rebel chicks! 🚬 🥔
My hair’s a teardrop. It’s an all-around teary morning, cuz I had to transfer Mom back to Ron’s safekeeping. I just bite the silver bullet Cufflinks o’ the Day, and put on my big girl Bow Tie o’ the Day, and attempt to muddle through. These days, every time I say my goodbye’s to Mom, she looks tinier, thinner. She feels more fragile to me when I hug her. One day soon, I’ll go to hug her and she won’t even be there– in more ways than one.
Skitter and her Bow Tie o’ the Day feel privileged to chill with Mom. Not only is Skitter the only dog Mom’s ever liked to pet, she gets to hitch rides on Mom’s walker. Mom never sits down. Her walker’s seat is always unoccupied by her butt. Although Mom transferred her personalized license plates to me last year, I’m gonna loan her one. I figure if Mom’s gonna keep walker-ing up I-15 from St. George to see me, her fab contraption better have a license plate. 🐕 🛴 🗺
Bow Tie o’ the Day welcomes Mom to our abode for another round of laugh-snortery. When Suzanne needed to make a 10-minute delivery to her doc in Bountiful, Mom wanted in. To get herself properly decked out for our micro-jaunt, Mom donned her shades, sprayed her hair, and put on her earrings. Nothing more, nothing less. You can see the bling on her ears, blinding you with their glimmer as much as her sunglasses do– as she walkers through the air, with the greatest of ease.
Bow Tie o’ the Day loves law enforcement– city, county, state, federal. I treated my ride-along seriously, but I also did what I do: I chuckled at things. We backed-up Layton cops, who were checking out a girl alone in the only car parked in a closed city park, after dark. (Refer to the last post’s hint.) K-9 Rony sniffed out her pot. Officers called her dad to fetch her and her hefty tickets. He said absolutely nothing. He gave her the “don’t-even-think-of-speaking-to-me-right-now” look. Ouch! But it’s highly effective. 😒 😨 🙃
My DCSO lawman patrolled off I-15, through neighborhoods west of the major drags, and near the foothills on the east side. Bow Tie o’ the Ride-Along has a handy hint for those wishing to steer clear of cops: AFTER DARK, DON’T SIT IN YOUR CAR WHILE IT’S PARKED ALONE IN AN ODD PLACE! My guy knows all the trailheads where people think no one will find them doing illegal things after dark. One car held two teenage girls, innocently talking. We scared the driver pee-less, checking the situation. 🚔 🙀
Bow Tie o’ the Day was impressed with how skillfully our DCSO deputy entered license plates into his laptop. Somewhere in Layton/Clearfield/Sunset/Kaysville (their boundaries baffle me), his laptop indicated an uninsured car in front of us. My deputy HATES making traffic stops. But he hates uninsured vehicles more. The driver received a ticket, with fines costing more than car insurance. My escort didn’t impound the car: Too much paperwork involved, and he didn’t want to bore me. I saved that driver an impound fee! Nice of me, eh? 🤣
Here’s my personal deputy’s butt and shotgun butt. Bow Tie o’ the Ride-Along pestered him with questions about copdom. He let me get super close-up to the shift’s action. (I even got to watch Rony the K-9 and his nose find drugs in a car.) Before sheriff deputy-ing my copper had been a fireman, and then a paramedic. Add those skills to being a K-9 cop with a people-tracking, drug-sniffing mutt, and he gets sent to a wider variety of 911 situations than most officers. Handycop! More crime’s next.
On my ride-along, Bow Tie o’ Yesterday and my deputy got summoned to the foothills east of Farmington, where a man with a gun was threatening suicide. It took five DCSO deputies, one UHP trooper, the guy’s friend, and the guy’s ex-girlfriend to talk him off the mountain unharmed and disarmed. My deputy and I were patrolling on I-15 in Layton when the whole situation began. My deputy immediately turned his truck south, and we drove 120 mph most of the way to Farmington. What a rush! Ah, adrenaline! 🙀