Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Bow Tie o’ the Day tries to figure out how purchasing the Ultimate SewingBox led to needing to buy new flooring. And I’m trying to figure out why they both led to Suzanne needing new blinds for every window in the house. But it happened. When this whole thing started, I thought Suzanne just wanted a fancy sewing station. Geez, was I naive. Indeed, the house will be handsomer after the old stuff is replaced. But where’s it gonna end? Am I the next old thing to go?
Bow Tie o’ the Day turned heads bigly today. We ate brunch outside at The Copper Onion in SLC, and Bow Tie became famous there immediately. Later, at the flooring store where we ordered the flooring to go under the holy Ultimate SewingBox, Bow Tie entertained the saleswoman. Before I knew it, Bow Tie showed her my pretty gut-scar. Now I’m back to recovering at home– exhausted– hogging the couch and remotes and Popsicles. My fave part of the day? Being photo-bombed by Suzanne outside The Copper Onion.
Yup, me and wood-spade Bow Tie o’ the Day wandered around the Walmart parking lot, after midnight last night. Walmart isn’t my fave place to go, but it’s near us. And after midnight it’s deserted. I can walk around by myself, to ward off any demonic post-surgery clots. Ain’t nothin’ gonna ruin my recovery, cuz I have a vacation in September. And I ain’t missin’ vacation. Okay, okay… The main reason I had Suzanne drive me to Walmart after midnight is that I was out of Popsicles.
Bow Ties o’ the Day make up my kind of potted plants. They require absolutely no work to keep them in bloom. Suzanne is spending the day with her Champagne Garden Club gals. These are festive all-day gatherings. The girls sometimes actually garden in each others’ yards. But as they’ve gotten older together, they seem to focus less on the “garden” part of their group’s name and more on the “Champagne” part. Suzanne has been known to have to call me for a ride home. They enjoy themselves bigly. 🍾 🌼
Bow Tie o’ the Day has heard a handful of you ask to see how my 7-inch gut scar is healing. In the hospital it was snazzy, with its perfect closure and bling o’ staples. I’m pleased to report my healing scar is equally entrancing, but in a plain way. It kinda looks like a really big paper cut on my tummy. I think it’s interesting that you can still see where the staples stapled me back together. I’m proud my surgical wound is getting into bikini-worthy shape. 👙 😎 🤣
Let me explain Bow Tie o’ the Day. A number of you suggested things I could do while I’m bored with my recovery. Most were crafty things like crocheting. I appreciate all the suggestions, but even Suzanne will tell you that when I perform any kind of craft activity, I fail bigly. Inevitably, whatever I’m trying to create ends up unrecognizable, and it frightens people and Skitter. The worst thing is that people get hurt. My creations are somehow dangerous. Silly stick drawings are my only safe art. ✒
Post-it notes Bow Ties o’ the Day decorate my soda containers. I’m still not allowed to lift and carry my constant companion– 100 oz. Mini-Keg. Maybe in a month. When Suzanne had shopping adventures at the hospital gift shop, she bought me this much smaller cup to use until I’m back in shape to lug around my signature keg. She also bought me a pair of earrings, so I can girl up on occasion. Suzanne always thinks of me when she’s on her shopping sprees. A little bit. 😉
Bow Tie o’ the Day, my hand weights, and I want to say a thing or two about weight. During my stay at Huntsman, I dropped 10 pounds. But I call such weight “fake weight.” It’s the kind of lost weight that when you finally get home, it returns at the rate of lickety-split. I ate one Popsicle, a serving of applesauce, and 2 Altoids– and WHOOSH, 8 pounds was right back on my “old lady gut.” Surgery is an expensive and painful way to lose 10 pounds for only a week. 🍎 🍧 😾
Bow Tie o’ the Day checked out new flooring possibilities with us. The flooring must be worthy of touching The Ultimate SewingBox’s hallowed feet. This photo shows how Suzanne and I hunt for house things: she looks at samples, and I take selfies for tie posts. It works for us, cuz Suzanne’s The Decider. I, however, have VETO power if she chooses something hideous I can’t live with. She has good taste, so I’ve had to use my VETO power only a handful of times, since 1985. 🏬 🏡
I was bigly impressed with the Mr. Rogers documentary, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?, which I saw with Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette. I wanted Suzanne to see it, so I got properly dressed in Bow Tie o’ the Day to take her to see the movie today. Even putting on Bow Tie exhausted me, and I had to have a quick nap before going. Everybody on the planet should watch this movie about kindness– especially those who are children or adults. Yup, that means you, too. 🚎