With the arrival of my Maverick, I have no need for my 2007 Pontiac Vibe. When we got the Vibe, I christened it Vonnegut Grace Vibe, in honor of two incredible writers who died in 2007—Kurt Vonnegut and Grace Paley. It is the best vehicle I have owned in all of my driving life. In 15 years, it has given me zero problems. It easily carted around three dogs at a time and Rowan. It performs well in bad weather, and it still gets 36 miles per gallon. I have babied it beyond all reason. It has nearly 165,000 miles on it, and I have no doubt it will drive for another 200,000. I have been trying to justify keeping it, because I love it. But I know if I keep it, it will just sit in the parking lot alone for years, being unused and rotting on its tires. My new truck has all my attention now. Vonnegut Grace needs to belong to someone who loves her and plays with her every day. This is a very sad, but necessary, break-up for me and the Vibe to go through. We were a happy couple at one time, but we have have simply grown apart. It was good while it lasted. I wish Vonnegut Grace well in all her future endeavors. I hope she finds her soul-driver.
In preparation to sell Vonnegut Grace, Suzanne wants to get her detailed before we present her to any prospective new owners. I asked Suzanne if it was okay for me to leave the bumper stickers on and let the detailers remove them. Suzanne made it clear that she wanted me to de-sticker Vonnegut Grace before the car’s bigly spa day at the detailers’ shop. So this morning, I got out my trusty razor blades and went to work. You know me: I not only wear my heart on my sleeve (and on my t-shirts and hats), I also wear it on my vehicles—by way of numerous bumper stickers. I put them on my bumpers. I put them on my windows. If you see me in a vehicle, you see stickers. It was near traumatic to me to divest the Vibe of its sticker philosophies. The car got naked-er and naked-er as I scraped each bumper sticker off its rightful place. I got to the final sticker and I just couldn’t do it. It’s so close to the election that I made a stand. I will not remove my “LIVE, LAUGH, VOTE-OUT MIKE LEE” sticker. I want as many people as possible to see it, even if it’s only the car detailers before they detail it off. It’ll make me feel better, and Vonnegut Grace will not be completely bare just yet.
I think it’s only fair that I share with y’all the last inventory of Vonnegut Grace, just as I shared the Hombre’s last contents. Again, sorta from left to right in the photo: two folded in-case potty pads for Skitter; a blue ice scraper/brush; a blue flashlight; a bottle of antibacterial gel; a black pack of ritzy Daneson toothpicks; a pair of small binoculars; a spare Sylvania taillight bulb for the car; a Hillary Clinton cigarette lighter somebody gave me; a mini Twister spinner board, cuz you never know when a game of Twister will break out; a huge pink manuscript clip; a stack of useless papers from the glove box; 13 cd’s in their cases; 7 notebooks, in case I was driving when I got an idea for the million-dollar poem I’m going to write; my Hello Kitty sunglasses with the bow tie attached to the frame; 2 pocket knives (I know. What is it with me and pocketknives in my vehicles?); the most important AA chip, for getting through the first 24 hours (I carry my 15- year chip in my pocket at all times); a LET PEOPLE VOTE bumper sticker; 3 dollar bills; a GAP hat; 2 packs of Freedent gum; the newest George Saunders book of fiction; a pad of lined, pink Post-It notes; the squattiest screwdriver I own; 2 spare party bow ties; a set of yellow and pink earplugs for concerts; Poligrip; key lime Chapstick; a tube of Burt’s Bees lotion; a roll of Rolaids AND a roll of Tums; a tin of wintergreen Altoids; 4 pencils; 8 pens; one of Skitter’s ties; and a bigly bottle of Aspirin. That inventory pretty much sums up my life somehow. Ain’t it fabulous?!