It was a slight mistake to wear my painted-wood, bone-shaped Bow Tie o’ the Day to DICK’S MARKET on my masked-and-gloved grocery run this afternoon. You see, often when I wear a shiny piece of neckwear somewhere—especially if it’s a bow tie—some people turn into chimpanzees, and they feel compelled to reach out and touch said shiny neckwear. Even though it’s kinda weird when a stranger occasionally feels free to touch my bow tie, it’s not normally a potential health hazard. However, in our lovely Deseret, in our lovely COVID-19 spring, I’m both askeered and miffed that one shopper in the grocery store allowed themselves to be so overcome with bow tie love that he completely forgot we’re in the middle of a pandemic—and this other shopper automatically touched Bow Tie. Honestly, you’d think only I would fall into such mindless infatuation with a bow tie. I think it is in my best interest to wear a dull bow tie on my next grocery run—if I have a dull bow tie. I kinda doubt I own a dull anything.