Day: June 12, 2023

This dear deer Bow Tie o’ the Day is also a nod to Rob, who in his younger years managed to grow some of the scraggliest Deer Hunt Beards I have ever seen. He could down a trophy buck, but he could not grow a trophy beard.The early morning Rob passed away, it was my niece, Steph who called to give me the news. She asked if I’d inform my three other siblings that Rob was gone. We all have cellphones, so even though it was quite early, I was confident I’d easily get through to the people I most needed to talk to at that tragic moment. I’m the baby of the family and one of my siblings was now gone—and I felt like I needed to talk to my remaining brother and sisters with an urgency I hadn’t felt before. I needed the connection to them RIGHT NOW. I called Anne first, because—living in Delta—she was literally the closest of us to Mary and the entire situation. I got no answer. I called Ron. I got no answer. I called BT/Mercedes. Again, I got no answer. I left messages for each of them to call me ASAP. Three calls, three strikes. I had struck out. I texted them. I kept calling them over and over until I got them. I really did feel like an orphan and it was lonely. I do recall ranting loudly around the house at all three of my siblings about how it it was ridiculous that we all have mobile phones and I still couldn’t get in touch with even one of them in an emergency! For the next hour or so until they had each finally returned my calls, I chewed them and their smartphones out bigly—in my head and out loud. I could focus my sad anger on phone technology and my remaining siblings not getting back to me. It’s not like I could chew out Rob at that very moment. I have, however, read him the riot act in many moments since that day. Grief is a fickle thing. It sneaks up on you and makes you feel all the feelings you least want to feel. Working through those difficult and complex feelings is what you have to do, though, in order to get up every morning and create the rest of your meaningful life—for yourself and those folks who love you.

My niece, Steph, managed to find this photo of me and her dad, which she took about 20 years ago at a family get-together at their house. I didn’t know it existed until now. The snapshot of Rob and me made it onto this photo arrangement Steph created for display at his service.The night before Rob died, I happened to buy this puzzle for Suzanne’s and my next project. It is uncharacteristic of the kind of puzzles I bring home. It’s not the brand I like. It’s not full of the bright colors I like, and I don’t think hunting has ever been a theme of any puzzle I’ve ever owned. But for some reason, it caught my eye that evening. A few hours later, my brother—the hunter—was gone to the bigly hunt in the sky. The coyote tie next to the puzzle box is the Tie o’ the Day I wore to his service. He would have liked it—even though he was vehemently not a tie guy. As for the puzzle itself, I was too upset to put it together. After connecting a few puzzle pieces, I had to stop. I let Suzanne take over the assemblage. It needed to be done, gazed upon, then put away for good.😢