Days 2-6 in the hospital were each very much the same. You’ll note my hospital gowns all looked alike, so there was no bigly fashion variety except my Bow Ties o’ the Day. And I could wear different Face Masks o’ the Day, so that was nice. After surgery, though, the main goal is to get out of the hospital. If you’ve had a surgical hospital stay, you already know what milestones you must pass to get the doctors to okay your discharge. If you haven’t had the surgery experience, let me school you. You must do the following four things: walk on your own two legs, eat without throwing up, pee in a potty, and poop in a potty. In short, you have to prove you can be a successful 3-year-old. It took me a week to pass the toddler tests.
I wasn’t feeling giddy with joy after my surgery, but I still had spark enough to put on a fresh wood Bow Tie o’ the Day. I mean—I figured if I was gonna be somewhere people were constantly inspecting me and my incisions and drains and vitals, I owed it to them to give ’em something fashionable to look at. My daily neckwear ended up being a dandy curiosity for my nurses and doctors. And, of course, it made me feel more like myself during my hospital stay.
Here’s the skinny on my surgery. The operation took nearly 6 hours. The incision began at my belly button and went straight up all the way to my breastbone. (See, I really was gutted.) My surgeon spent nearly half of the surgery time fighting her way through the scar tissue adhesions left from my first Hanky Panky surgery three years ago. She was able to remove the pesky pancreatic stone that has been stuck in the pancreatic duct recently: the calcification which has been causing all my painful drama this year. She also widened the pancreatic duct to make it more likely any new calcifications my pancreas might grow will be able to pass freely out of my Panky. She did not have to remove any more of my remaining half pancreas. Let us all cross our fingers and toes that this is my last apocalyptic run-in with my dastardly Cranky Hanky Panky. Frankly, I’m tired of it being a topic.
Hey, I’m realistic. I know my pancreas is never going to be completely pain-free or normal, but I’m hoping its peculiarities will be easier for me to live with from now on. So far, my situation is looking to be on the upswing. I am blessed, yet again.
In the waiting area, before getting garbed up for surgery.My surgical attire.My beehive hairdo.
The day began with my typical antics in the surgery waiting area of Huntsman Cancer Hospital. Suzanne wore the spiderweb face mask, while I donned the toughest University of Utah red Face Mask o’ the Day I could find. Bow Tie o’ the Bigly Surgery Day was one of my wood, magnetically attached t-shirt bow ties—with Day o’ the Dead skulls, in this case. I felt ready for what was ahead. After I got changed into my surgery duds, I had fun sculpting designs with my “hair net.” Here, you see my versions of a beret and a beehive hairdo. Alas! The fun would not last long that day.
TIE O’ THE DAY is back. I’m back. I certainly missed y’all, and in my next few posts, I will get you caught up on my Huntsman Cancer Hospital stay and my Cranky Hanky Panky adventures. For now, suffice it to say that my surgery went well and my recovery is coming along as planned. I am moving around gingerly, but efficiently. Most importantly, I am not dead. That’s always a good thing.
I have crossed all the to-do’s and honey-do’s off my pre-surgery list. The bookshelves are dusted and polished. I did the laundry, so I have clean underwear. Skitter’s sleep-crate water bottle is full to the brim. I made a meal list for Suzanne, so she won’t have to do any thinking about what to eat for dinner while I’m on hosp-cation (hospital + “vacation”) at Huntsman. This afternoon, I finally have time to sit on my butt for a wee bit. I’m wearing an argyle Tie o’ the Day and combing my teensy head hairs with my teensy comb. I’m feeling relaxed, for now. Tomorrow morning’s gutting will be here way too soon, and not nearly soon enough.
I still have a sprawling list of things to do before my little hospital vacay begins Thursday. But did that stop me from spending way too much time in the Tie Room today? Nope. It did not. The wood bow ties needed some long overdue tidying up in their drawers, and then I was suddenly making a face o’ Bow Ties o’ the Day with these four gems. I went with the mesmerizing “eyes,” a mustache, lips, and a colorful painted bow tie. I may not always get as much done as I intend to, but I always have a good time dinkin’ around. I’m a distraction from myself. 👻
Since I’m in the final stretch on the path to surgery, I’ve been tying up loose ends and getting my files and housekeeping in order. The house—and the occupants thereof—must be able to chug right along without me while I’m stuck in the hospital for a week or so. I’ve stocked the pantry. The case of Skitter’s wet food I ordered showed up on the front step. I’ve organized the face masks by color, so Suzanne can easily find matches for her office attire. I’ve loaded as much of my music as I can onto my phone, so I can lie there in the Huntsman Cancer Hospital and listen through the post-surgery pain and boredom. Heck, I even spent the better part of a day cleaning all the light switch plates and polishing every doorknob in the house. I don’t know why I felt like I had to polish the doorknobs. I just knew I’d feel like something was left undone if I didn’t do it.
Anyhoo… All of this prepping has worn me out. I found myself compelled to hang around in the candy aisle at the grocery store this morning, on a search for sugar energy. Here I am, wearing a cheap party Bow Tie o’ the Day. I am in my fave area of said candy aisle: the shelves o’ licorice. You’ll also note that I brought a lengthy sweet-tooth or two to the store with me, in the guise of my vampire Face Mask o’ the Day. 🦇
Pumpkin skull and crossbones Bow Tie o’ the Day was a hit at the deli this afternoon. Bigly spiderweb Face Mask o’ the Day got a few compliments, too. I was mostly occupied in my head with praising today’s rain showers. To me, Fall rain means it’s time to dig through the closet and find my fedora. It is now the fedora time o’ year. 🎩 (Please, pretend the top hat is a fedora.)
I took this selfie at Harmon’s in Farmington, where I was grocery shopping. After I got home and looked at the photos to choose one to post, I got a bit skeered myself. The spiders/spider webs Bow Tie o’ the Day and the carved pumpkin Face Mask o’ the Day were both fun-looking enough on their own, but my so-pale-I’m-glowing skin looked like I had whitewashed my face before heading out to shop. Put it all together and I unwittingly achieved a sort of Lon-Chaney-in-Phantom-o’-the-Opera look. Kinda shocking when you’re not expecting it, eh? Needless to say, no shopper in the store dared to come down any aisle where I pushed my cart. I felt magic. It was a quiet and pleasant shopping venture—except for a toddler who caught a glimpse of my face, immediately screamed, and then began to cry. Yup, this look is just not family-friendly. But I still stand by the killer fashion, of course. 🕸🕷🎃💀
Wood John Lennon-style glasses Bow Tie o’ the Day accompanied me to my pre-surgery doctor appointment yesterday. My surgeon tells me she is confident that I will not be asked to re-schedule again, barring an earthquake or declaration of war in SLC. So, it’s official: I will be surgically gutted one week from today. I will be ever so glad to finally get it done, even though I never wanted to get it done in the first place. My dang stoopid Cranky Hanky Panky must be taught a lesson. I told my surgeon she has my permission to give my pancreas a good spanking when she opens me up and gets her hands on it. 👩⚕️💉
