Month: August 2021

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I’m Bigly Ticked Off

This is my angry face, which I rarely wear. As I dressed for this selfie, I picked out the aggressive-est, angriest-looking Face Mask o’ the Day I could find, because I wanted you to know I’m steaming. I also wore a mask because didn’t want to take a chance you’d see me mouthing any vulgarities while I’m in this mood. I chose to wear my deviled egg Tie o’ the Day because I wanted to put the words “devil,” “pitchfork,” and “Hell” into your mind so you wouldn’t miss my point: I’m angry. Anger is not a mode I’ve ever chosen to spend much time in, so it’s decidedly foreign to me. In fact, I don’t like visiting it one bit. Anger is my least favorite country, although I’m comfortable in righteous anger when it is called for.

Anyhoo… I got a call from my surgeon this morning, telling me my surgery has to be postponed for 4-6 weeks. It seems there are no empty hospital beds available at Huntsman Cancer Hospital right now, because of the added COVID-19 patients who currently occupy them. I say this in hashtag lingo with all respect and humility, folks, on behalf of everyone who has had to postpone their necessary medical procedures this past year: #getvaxxedandwearyourmaskspeoplesoyouandothersdonthavetosufferneedlessly #ifeverypersonhaddonetheirpartatthebeginningofthepandemicthiscouldhavebeenovermonthsago

To put it less nicely—and more in line with the depth of my truly angry feelings about having to postpone my much-needed, long-awaited surgery, let me just say this about how I feel: @#%&#%!*+ !#E@$*^*!!# @$@$##$*$% ^&*^@$^ *^@ ^*&^$ @#*#%@# @$$*%^!#. (I apologize if I hurt your ears with that rant.)

Ah! I feel much less angry after getting that off my chest. Now, I’m merely discouraged as 💩. 😷💉

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Merry Birthday To My Brother, Rob

TIE O’ THE DAY presents my fave picture of my bro, Rob, and me together. This was likely taken one Easter, near my grandparents’ fence. Dad’s bee warehouse is visible in the top corner of the photo. Neither of us is wearing anything close to any kind of tie, but Rob is wearing a bright reddish-orange turtleneck dickey. That qualifies as neckwear, I suppose. The inherent beauty of a dickey remains mysterious to me. Is it considered a piece of clothing? Or is it considered an accessory? I have no clue what message a dickey means to say either. Dickeys aren’t sexy or sophisticated or playful or intriguing. I think a dickey is simply “there.” But I have no earthly clue why they exist, or why anyone ever thought they needed to. A neck and chest warmer, perhaps? 🎂🍰🎈

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While I Sleep During My Operation

My appointment at Huntsman today was with the folks who will be administering anesthesia to me during my surgery. I want to keep anyone who has anything to do with my surgery happy—especially the anesthesia team. I want to keep them very, very happy. I figured the best way to keep them amused was to wear one of my most prized creative Bow Ties o’ the Day: my Star Wars-y Legos bow tie. I did my best to make a good first impression on them. I met with three different medical professionals during my single appointment, and I can verify that they all snickered and guffawed at Bow Tie. They each quizzed me about my neckwear collection, and seemed to understand most of my humor. I’m sure they will remember me and do their best to keep me conked out through the whole operation. And that was my goal when I got dressed this morning.

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Skitter Is A Lady

I’m off to Huntsman again, for another pre-surgery appointment, and to take care of a ream of paperwork. Here’s a bigly photo gallery of Skitter crossing her front legs/paws. She is so proper and stately. I’ve had a gaggle o’ dogs over the years, but Skitter is the only dog I’ve had who makes it a near-obsession to cross her paws in gentility when she sits or sleeps. She is civilized, and she wants everyone to see it. And before you even ask, the answer is, “Yes, she does stick out her pinky-pad when she drinks her tea.”

BTW In one of these photos, Skitter somehow manages to get one of her hind legs into the front leg/paw crossing. She’s remarkable.

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Another Test Is Done

Since TIE O’ THE DAY will be without my full services for a couple of weeks after my surgery this coming Thursday, I’ve asked Suzanne and Skitter to assist me temporarily. I’ve been training them about the in’s and outs’s of doing my posting job on the tblog—so y’all won’t miss my adventures at Huntsman and whatever my first few days of recovery are like. (If you have surmised that I have already selected and packed the neckwear I’m taking to the hospital for my week-or-so-long stay, you are correct.)

Skitter will likely do most of the writing for the posts, while Suzanne will take over the photography duties. Suzanne is a fine taker o’ pictures. We’ve had a couple of her “Spain” photographs framed and hung on the walls for decades. I’m currently schooling her about how to properly take TIE O’ THE DAY photographs. She got the shot right in only one of these two pix of me getting ready to enter the bigly doughnut for my CT scan yesterday. You see, the number one rule of shooting TO’TD photos is to make sure the tie/bow tie is visible in each shot for readers to see. The neckwear must always be a star. The first picture you see here follows this rule, while the second one doesn’t cut the TIE O’ THE DAY mustard. However, Suzanne’s a super-smart gal, so I’m confident she’ll figure out how to follow the main TO’TD snapshot rule.

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Busy Days

With only a week until my surgery, I find myself being busier than ever with tidying up and doing errands—so I won’t have to worry about life around the house running smoothly while I’m out of commission for a few weeks.

Today, Bow Tie o’ the Day and I had to drive to Farmington Health Center to pick up the contrast goop I must drink tomorrow morning before my pre-surgery CT Scan at 10:30 AM. Tomorrow, after my scan, I drive to Huntsman Cancer Hospital to meet with my Cranky Hanky Panky surgeon. After that appointment, I will head to the lab, where I will have to give a river of blood to the lab personnel so they can assess whatever it is they have to assess before I can get cut open properly next week. And when I finally get back home from SLC tomorrow afternoon, my doctor-y day still won’t be done. I will have to flip open my laptop in order to have a virtual appointment with my ERCP doctor, so I can get his pre-surgery input. It’s gonna be a long medical Friday for me. Fortunately, my better half is taking off work tomorrow to be by my side while I do all these have-to-do’s I don’t want to do at all. Having Suzanne with me guarantees that we will both be just fine.

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Virtual Visits

I’m sure you’ve all experienced how small tasks sometimes become much more complicated and time-consuming than they should be. This morning, for example, I had to set up a new app on my laptop, in order to have a virtual appointment with with my longtime pain doctor at the U of U, Dr. Bow (not her real name, but she’s loved my bow ties for years). The U has re-vamped how they are conducting virtual doctor appointments, which requires me to use this new app. Installing an app can take only seconds, but for technical reasons I don’t care to fully understand, my laptop was having none of it. It would not download the new app, no matter what swear word I thought in my head.

I tried everything I could think of. I called tech support to aid my efforts. After I followed a few of his suggestions with no success, the tech finally gave up. I did not. I kept troubleshooting. Finally, after more than an hour, I tried the thing that rarely makes any sense, but often works: I turned off my laptop and let it just sit there for about ten minutes. I did the equivalent of unplugging it. And sure enough, after powering it up again, the very first time I re-tried downloading the app I needed, it worked. I don’t know why I resist unplugging a device as the very first fix of whatever problem it has, but I do. I could save myself plenty of time by just unplugging the offending gadget first, but it somehow feels like unplugging is admitting intellectual defeat. It’s like saying, “I’m too stoopid to figure out the actual problem and its accompanying solution.” I think that from now on I’m going to make a conscious effort to be stoopid about my technology problems: I’m going to unplug first, and ask questions later.

Anyhoo… I wore a black and silver, paisley Bow Tie o’ the Day for my virtual appointment. It popped out nicely from my multi-colored paisley-covered Shirt o’ the Day. Dr. Bow and her assistant both commented on how “alive” my shirt and bow tie looked together. When you’re dealing with doctors, hearing the word “alive” is always better than hearing its opposite.

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Here’s That Same Shirt Again

I donned a blue-polka-dotted orange Bow Tie o’ the Day and Skitter was wearing her avocados Tie o’ the Day (which you can’t see cuz it’s covered by her blankets in this photo), and we headed to Delta to see Mom last Friday. Suzanne managed to get the day off work, so she drove us to our destination.

When we got to the care center, folks were getting on the center’s little bus for a short outing. I could see Mom was already in the front seat, ready to see the sights. She had no idea we were there. I could have caught the group before they headed out, but since the pandemic began, the Millard Care and Rehab residents haven’t ventured out until recently. I did not want to keep Mom from a drive with her current neighbors, so Suzanne and I said to each other at the very same time, in almost the same exact words, “While we’re waiting for Mom to come back from her ride, we should go to Mom’s Crafts!” Mom’s Crafts is Suzanne’s idea of Heaven. Because Suzanne always spends a lot of $$$ there, Mom’s Crafts is also my idea of a depleted bank account.😜 So Suzanne bought a ton o’ fabric, and we both got to say “howdy” to Kyla. Mom’s Crafts is always a good time. Even Skitter was grooving about it. Skitter told me she wants Suzanne to teach her to sew, so she can shop for her own fabric at Mom’s Crafts and make her own doggie blankets. It’s gonna be a long and interesting winter, I can tell.

When we returned to the care center, the bus was already there, and Mom was already inside the building sitting with a pal at her table in the facility’s new fancy dining room. What a great space! I didn’t see Mom’s face as we were walking in her direction, cuz I was wrangling Skitter across the room and through the other residents, but Suzanne said Mom’s whole face beamed when she saw me. I was wearing my mask, and Mom had no idea I have shaved my head to the nubs, but she still managed to recognize me. I am always glad for that. It is something so basic, but it has become incredibly important to me now. I need Mom to know me. (So far, it was only that one instance when she didn’t recognize my voice on the phone.)

In Mom’s room, Skitter jumped up on her bed and curled right into Mom like she always does. Mom absentmindedly stroked Skitter throughout our visit, as is her usual way. Mom was in high spirits, as she always seems to be. She says she’s sleeping well—”like a log”— and she’s snoring well. This is true. She says she is in no pain. This used to be true until quite recently. But it’s not true anymore, and she will not admit it. She maintains her playfulness and penchant for humor. But she is also quieter than I have ever known her to be. We left her a stash of peanut butter Snickers and candy corn pumpkins. Mom is beyond pleased when we pretend on occasion that she doesn’t have to watch her sugar. 😉 We can’t wait for our next visit with her.

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This Stuff Works

Our next door neighbors just had their first baby. It’s a boy! If you are a longtime reader of TIE O’ THE DAY, you know exactly what time it is when a bambino is hatched: it’s time—or it’s an excuse—for me to run to the baby section of the store to buy some BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE. (See the shelf right above my head in the photo.) For new baby’s, we always give a bundle of diapers, wipes, and BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE. Nobody wants the wee new creatures to have diaper rash. That is no way to start out in this world.

It’s amazing how many times I can work “BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE” into my everyday conversation whenever I want to. I can say to Skitter, “I’m heading to the store, and I have to go to the baby medicine section. I don’t mean to get too personal with you, Skitter, but do you need me to pick up some BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE for you while I’m there? I’m happy to do it.” Or I could go into Dick’s Market, where I already know they don’t have it, and ask a clerk, “Who can I talk to about the possibility of Dick’s Market maybe carrying BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE in the future?” Or Suzanne could be on the phone with her boss, and in the background, I can yell, “Suzanne, where did I leave the box of BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE?” The product’s name is so starkly accurate and immaturely funny, and I am such an eternally obnoxious kid about it. This is why I limit my joking about it to only the day I’m putting together a new baby’s diaper-y gift.

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Merry Birthday, Rowan!

As you have probably figured out, my comic book-design shirt is my fave-rave this summer, which is why it’s regularly showing up on TIE O’ THE DAY. I suppose I should refer to it as my Shirt o’ the Summer o’ 2021. I wore it again yesterday, when I chose to don my wood guitar Bow Tie o’ the Day in honor of Rowan’s 24th birthday. Rowan is a guitar aficionado and player. For his birthday, we took him and his flame, Cameryn, to brunch in SLC at the Copper Onion. We had a lively time on the patio, much to the amusement of the strangers dining around us. Our animated conversation made an entertaining floorshow for our fellow diners.

When I stood up to take this photograph, Suzanne said, “Get the waiter to take it of all four of us. Nobody wants to see your big bald head in the middle of the photo.” But I put my bigly bald head front-and-center anyway, and took the snapshot myself. When we got home and I finally looked at the picture, I realized Suzanne had probably been right, as per usual. But trust me—I’m not losing any sleep over it. 🤡