Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
June is over, almost. On this final day of PRIDE Month, I must display my grandmother, Zola Wright’s colorful handiwork. She made this humongous rainbow afghan many decades ago. I like to think she made it just for me. I’m wearing her rainbow caftan, as well. The rainbow scrub cap and Bow Tie o’ the Day are my contribution, of course. Until next year, Merry PRIDE Month to y’all!
I tried to play my cards right. I figured a king card Bow Tie o’ the Day might be enough to win the Battle o’ My Pancreas. I spent yesterday having a follow-up ERCP procedure to see if the lithotripsy had pulverized the pancreatic boulder currently blocking my pancreatic duct. It was clear that the lithotripsy had failed to break the calcified thing. The ERCP doc attempted once again to remove it with the scope-claw gadget, but couldn’t even get close to it. What’s left of my Hanky Panky after my Whipple surgery three years ago is highly unusual, to say the least. Its duct is apparently impossible to navigate with even an endoscope.
Surgery is likely the only option I have left. I predicted at the outset—way back in February—that it would most likely turn out this way, but we had to try the least disruptive options first. Well, here we are. And I ain’t happy about it. Not one bit.
My Hanky Panky surgeon retired last week, so I have to set up an appointment to meet the surgeon he handed me over to. Perhaps she will have other options for me. I hope so, but I doubt it. I’ve seen enough doctors in my day to be able to read between the lines of what they actually say with their words, and through this whole process, what they’ve been saying is “You’re probably gonna need surgery.”
What can I say? I’m a rather healthy 57, other than having a Cranky Hanky Panky. I really can’t complain. I’m getting older. It’s just life. Stuff happens, and then you deal with it the best way you can. Might as well make people smile by wearing a novelty Bow Tie o’ the Day to your ERCP—and everywhere else you go. It works for me.
I must confess something: One of the bigly pandemic changes I like is virtual church. I hope that’s a change that’s permanent. I never have to miss a Sunday. I can wear my Church Bow Tie o’ the Sabbath right there on my couch.
When attending church in person, I normally have to do a lot of toning down my attire—in order to not distract worshippers from the services. When I watch the services on my laptop, I don’t have to hold back my clothing choices at all. However, even though nobody’s around to see me watch church, I do believe in gussying up for the virtual event. One must make it special in some way. One must set the mood. Mom always wears earrings to just about any event, so I wear earrings to virtual church—with a cadre of lapel pins, pocket squares, and cufflinks. (Note: I’m wearing my CTR lapel pin here.)
As for my madras shorts, I won’t be wearing them soon. They are fun, but I’m tired of looking at them. I will wash them, fold them, and put them on the very bottom of my shorts stack. I cannot stand to wear the same exact outfit more than once a year, if ever. This last week has been difficult for me, because of that. Nevertheless, I survived, and I am a better woman for it.
BTW Skitter’s wearing her music tie because she likes to howl along with the virtual hymns.
I’m glad the pandemic panic is slowly winding down. I’m gladdest to know that if the dang thing lingers and powers back up, I can simply slip into my Tyvek suit and pull on my madras shorts—adding a Tie o’ the Day, of course. While being safe, I can still be as stylin’ as ever.
Bat signal Bow Tie o’ the Day seemed an appropriate piece of neckwear to be the cherry on top of my Superman tank and my Suzanne-made harlequin cape—along with my madras shorts. My cow Sloggers boots are deceptively fast. Even as an old broad, I can run fast enough in them to cause my cape to fly. If you put together a truly fantastic outfit, you’ll be amazed at the powers you can utilize. I learned this fact one morning when I was 12, when I woke up late for softball practice. Practice was at 8, and I woke up at 8:07. I scurried to get dressed and grab my mitt. On the way out of the front door, I was putting an old, broken set of spurs on my tennis shoes—just for the style of it. Spurs on, I jumped on my bike with all my fashion superpowers, pedaling so fast to the softball field that I was able to get there at 7:59. I kid you not.
Tie o’ the Day pops out from the otherwise bright colors I’m wearing. I don’t know if this pose says I’m ready to run, fight, or wrestle. But I am ready for whatever approaches. Here’s another fashion hint for y’all: A tie-dyed t-shirt is never out of style. A tie-dyed t-shirt exudes cosmic good vibrations, and evokes a soundtrack of songs like “California Dreamin’,” “Don’t You Want Somebody To Love?,” and “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.” Now, that’s a dandy soundtrack to have stuck in your head. The late-60’s are not dead, as long as we can hear that music. Personally, I think every summer should be the Summer of Love. I also say that cowboy boots are a must. Keep on truckin,’ and peace out. ✌️
Tie o’ the Day is a swell geometric take on red-white-and-blue. Today, I paired my green-striped, old-timey swimsuit top with my madras shorts. I am so ready to find a sandy beach where I can wear my entire old-timey swimsuit while I get sunburned searching for seashells or purty pebbles for Suzanne. Despite it being relatively safe to travel hither and yon again, we are still cooling our heels about resuming our travel adventures, until we get my Hanky Panky taken care of—whatever action that requires. Until the pandemic hit, we were used to flying off to new destinations 4 or 5 times a year. Don’t get me wrong: I love being home. In fact, I am a dedicated hermit. However, I also like leaving home on brief junkets to elsewhere.
Ah, travel! I miss $5 airport Diet Cokes, and renting cars, and taking gastronomic chances by eating in suspect local dining establishments. I miss trying to find parking in cities I’m discovering for the first time. I miss new forks in new roads, and I miss deciding which road to take and why—which always makes me think of Robert Frost. I miss staring out the windows of hotels, watching how the light changes across the skyline of whatever city we’re visiting. I miss the understanding and wonder that a heretofore unknown landscape inspires. And then I like coming back home, where I know exactly where everything is located, where sometimes life is tedious, and where I already know everybody.
Since I make it my business to keep myself perpetually amused, I must always come up with new tricks. The neighbors who passed me as I walked to the mailbox yesterday were so gleeful about the outfit I was wearing (as seen in the previous post) that I was inspired to set myself this new gimmick: To explore what shirts and ties I can put together in my style with the same pair of madras shorts for an entire week. Here’s Day 2’s attire, complete with madras Tie o’ the Day. Fret not! I will wash my shorts daily.
FYI For anyone trying to catch me fail in my sobriety, please note that the Bud cans you can see behind me are from my Budweiser Zero, which contains 0% alcohol. I’m still behaving myself.
Paisley Tie o’ the Day was brave to be a part of this eye-injuring ensemble. The attire is goshdarn near-match-y, in its own way. I debated about whether to wear my cow Sloggers or my cowboy boots. I finally decided to wear the cow Sloggers, because—although the cowboy boots would mercifully cover up the glare of my fish belly-white chicken legs—they would also, unfortunately, cover up my taco socks. And here’s a little fashion tip no other fashion genius but I will ever tell you: Taco socks must be visible to onlookers at all times! Some style critics might call this outfit over-the-top. I call it “Happy Helen, Left Unsupervised On A Monday In June.” I’m rather proud of this clothing concoction. 🏆
Father’s Day without being able to plant a kiss on Dad’s bald head is still a tough day every year. Fortunately, I am blessed with an incredible pa-in-law who is always up for a hug. We celebrated him yesterday with a combo Father’s Day/Birthday party. Suzanne’s family knows how to put together mega amounts of yummy eats for family shindigs. They are easy people to be with and welcomed me into their family from the minute I showed up in their lives over thirty years ago. Merry Pa’s Day, Steven. You are a beloved soul.
FYI Suzanne’s dapper Dad is the one in the blue Hawaiian shirt in both pix. In the first picture, I am with my best buddy, Liam, who enjoyed posing with me and Bow Tie o’ the Day for pix. He also took me on a tour of every room of his house—three times.