Month: August 2019

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My Memory Mostly Works

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I will give this our best shot, and I think we’ll get most of these 1974 Delta Elementary 4th Graders identified.

Back row, left to right: Kendall Topham, Tim Topham, Darlene Church, Tom Ashby, Me, Terilyn Anderson, Richard Porter, Preston Eliason.

Middle row, left to right: Dan Hughes, PJ Clayton, Phyllis Christensen, Vicki Farthing, Sandy Finlinson, Stephanie Smith, Thayne Hardy, Ron Moody.

Bottom row, left to right: Janet Eliason, ? Lovell, Sharon Jones, Richard Jacobson, ??, ??, Valinda Jensen, Wendy Walker, Mrs. Elaine Knight.

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In 4th Grade, We Were Dorky

1974. I doubt any Bow Tie o’ the Day could redeem me from my own personal 4th Grade dorkiness. I mean, check out my developing unibrow. I’ve also got my first crop of zits beginning to pop out on my chin. Bad hair, bad teeth. Yup, ’tis I. I think Mom had made my shirt, so that wasn’t dorky.

The class photo shows that even my eyes are dorky at this age. Are my eyes mostly closed? Mostly open? Let’s split the difference and call my eyes “clospen” in the class pic. Have fun trying to name each of these souls in Mrs. Knight’s class. List ’em in the comments. Correct each other’s wrong guesses. This identification can be tricky because, although this is a Class of ’82, 4th Grade photo, we housed a number of Class of ’83, 3rd Graders in our class all year. Good luck recognizing our dorky selves.

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Gracie’s First Holy War: Before And After

Grace Anne Blackwelder stepped up her game with her fashion choices for the Ute v. Cougar rivalry game. Her bigly head Bow Tie o’ the Day put the blue BYU cherry on top of Her Highness’ noggin. Gracie knows how to dress for a Holy War– even though she’d never seen one until last night. She’s got kind of a flapper style in her, I think.

I wasn’t there to watch the game with Gracie and her family, but I imagine she cheered mightily in her Y-wear for the Cougars in their valiant, but losing, effort. I’m sure Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette have indoctrinated her in BYU cheers and songs from Day 1. That’s part of their job as Cougar parents. I’m glad the U won, but I do feel bad Gracie had to experience a football loss.

I’m sure Gracie’s parents helped her get over the loss. I’m sure they put the whole thing into perspective for her. I can hear Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette explain the up’s and down’s of life to our disappointed little Grace. They probably explained to her, through her overwrought wailing, that we can’t always win. And I am also confident Dad Trav regaled his wee girl with tales of BYU wins from past rivalry games. (He has a looooong memory, eh?)

I call the last photo in this bunch “Grace-ious In Defeat, Sort Of” or “Grace Is A Baby About Losing.” Her scrunched up face speaks volumes.

BTW Thanks to Bishopette Collette for keeping me in the Gracie loop, and for letting me re-post their Gracie pix when I run out of my own.

DOH!
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Grace Anne Is A Cougar. I Am Not.

I’m sporting UTE Bow Tie o’ the Day for the second time this week. BYU Tie o’ the Day is all for Gracie. It’s not her fault she’s a Cougar. Bishop Travis and Bishopette Collette are responsible for her Cougar-osity, as it should be. GO, UTES!

I am a Delta Rabbit. I’m also a Weber State Wildcat. I am even a University of Maryland (BC) Labrador. But I actually consider myself to be, first and foremost, a UTE. Back in the olden days, I studied and taught at the University of Utah for a few years while I was in Graduate School.

I never attended BYU, although when I was in high school, I did take a week-long BYU-sponsored writing workshop somewhere in some mountains near Provo, and it was taught by two BYU professors. Even though I was named Best Poet at the workshop, I did not turn into a Cougar. I generally root for the Cougars if they’re not playing against the U. It doesn’t kill me to switch sides. A rivalry does not mean you have to “hate” the other team, but it helps to do so at times. Fantastic pranks have been born of “rivalry hate.”

Certainly, if you’re betting actual money on any rivalry game, bet with your head. Bet on the best team, even if you’ll be betting against the team you love. You don’t have to tell everybody you bet against your heart’s team, and you can still wear your true team’s fan garb as you cheer your lungs out for them– losers though they might be, some years. With your secret winnings– from betting against your loser team– treat your pals from both sides of the rivalry to post-game ice cream and pizza. Nobody will care how you got the money.

GO, UTES!

FYI If you’re hanging onto your naive notion that Cougar fans don’t commit the sin of betting (money or otherwise), please take the opportunity right now to return to reality. It’ll be so nice to see you again when you get back.

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The Most Wonderful Day O’ The Year

It’s National Bow Tie Day, and you know my bow tie choices are seemingly endless. I started out with a clever bow tie-covered Ascot o’ the Day, then I switched to a bow tie-covered infinity scarf. From that look, I sort of morphed into a Bow Tie o’ the Day decked out in bow ties– with matching pocket square, and a bow tied baseball cap. Later in the day, I turned up in a bow tied t-shirt and hat, topped off by a well placed wood mustache Bow Tie o’ the Day. (All the bow tie stuff hails from BEAU TIES LTD. of Vermont, except the mustache bow tie.)

Skitter grudgingly humored me by wearing the bow tie Hairband o’ the Day. She didn’t like it one bit though, and she’s usually fine about joining in my bow tie games. I hope she’s not sick. Or sick of me.

The “Kiss Citrus” bow tie you see here is the gift Suzanne gave me for National Bow Tie Day. She has no idea she got me a gift. Well, I guess she knows she got me one now.

Who the heck do I think I’m kidding?! Every August 28 is National Bow Tie Day, that’s a fact. But from where I sit, every day of the year is an exciting bow tie holiday to me. I have a tough time sleeping every night because of all the anticipation I feel about being able to wear a bow tie the next day. It’s like I live a speshul National Bow Tie Day Entire Life. I cannot complain one iota.

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National Bow Tie Day Eve Strikes Again

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I have been gussying up the house for tomorrow’s bigly holiday: National Bow Tie Day. And we’re simultaneously getting in some much needed exercise. It’s a good thing VOGUE magazine showed up this month to clue me into wearing a fashionable puffy coat and frilly skirt, as well as to illustrate how to vacuum the house and bounce around on the mini- trampoline at the very same time.

It’s serendipitous that we even receive VOGUE and all of its relevant information in our non-vogue lives. It’s one of two magazines we’ve regularly received for years without ever subscribing to them. They are aren’t gift subs from anybody, and I can’t get the subscriptions canceled either. We just seem to have found ourselves on some elite list somewhere with the snooty people who get free things just cuz somebody put them on the snooty list for swag. I’m thinking TIE O’ THE DAY is simply that hip and that famous. It’s my ticket to the bigly time.

I wish VOGUE magazine had some effective trick to help me fall asleep later tonight, on this most exciting night of the year. As it is, I’ll do what I always do on National Bow Tie Day Eve, which is to crawl under my sock monkey blankets and count bow ties– like counting sheep– until my eyes can no longer stay open. It won’t put me to sleep, but it will give me a head-start on tomorrow’s National Bow Tie Day festivities.

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It Once Was Lost, But Now Is Found

I told you about Suzanne crocheting me two neckties, and one was a scary, neon tangle which I presented to you as a Tie o’ the Day yesterday. I didn’t even know where this second crocheted tie was hanging out, and then last night… VOILA! I found it in the urban ghetto area of The Tie Room, while I was looking for Skitter’s French fry hat. Is it a coincidence I found both ugly ties in the same day? Not to me. I have no doubt this Tie o’ the Day got jealous of the other crochet Tie o’ the Day’s new-found fame. Neckties are like that.

And now I’ll make sure none of us ever sees either crocheted tie again. They are officially retired from the active neckwear collection. They’ll spend the remainder of their existence in perpetual emeritus status.

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A Noble Attempt Was A Funky Failure

Tie o’ the Day is not only blinding, it’s found nowhere on the planet but in The Tie Room. This green and lavender tie is an original, one-of-a-kind crochet design by Suzanne. She did not come up with the idea to crochet me some ties: I begged her to do it for me, and she crocheted me two. I told her, however, to be done with the assignment, after she had crocheted the second– equally maladjusted– tie. The final products left everything to be desired, which was not Suzanne’s fault. Ties just should not be crocheted.

Suzanne told me right at the beginning of the endeavor that it wouldn’t really work, and I knew it wouldn’t. But Suzanne is so cute when her craft-for-Helen face comes over her. I make sure to convince her to craft for my purposes whenever I can think of a project I happen to want made. She’s a bigly sport about my whims. And I will love the two ugly, Suzanne-crocheted ties forever. But I don’t think even I could love a third one.

Speaking of my whims, Wednesday, August 28th, is National Bow Tie Day. I didn’t start it, but you can darn well bet I celebrate it. I wonder what Skitter is planning to wear for the occasion. Gather your bow ties, people.

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Utah v. BYU

It’s rivalry week, fans. The Utah v. BYU football game approaches this Thursday. I’m still a bit miffed about it not being an annual game anymore. As such, the game doesn’t pack the same rivalry punch it once did, but that didn’t stop me from wearing my Utah Utes Bow Tie o’ the Day to Provo yesterday to stir the pot at Bishop Travis’ house and ward. Truly, I felt I had an obligation to Miss Gracie to show her there are other schools and teams in the world beyond BYU. The world is bigly, Grace Anne!

Note: Bishopette Collette made sure Gracie was decked out in bow ties for my visit. A head bow. A tough to see bow on the front of her dress. And bows on her shoes. I have that much influence at least.

Go, Utes!