Just to be daring, I do try to blend and match and dress in solid colors sometimes. It’s my idea of dangerous! Even a slim, diamond-point Bow Tie o’ the Day can’t make this plain outfit appear interesting. I looked like a walking solid color. A fashion blender and matcher, I am not. In fact, my solid-color shirt and bow tie made my eyes bored.
I stood in the cold outside the locked door at the TMS clinic for about ten minutes this morning. The clinic folks wouldn’t buzz me in for my treatment because they did not recognize me dressed thus. I finally got buzzed in when I held The Saddle Purse up to the security camera. My purse is apparently an official form of ID for me.
I hold no ill will toward my clinic people for keeping me locked outside for ten minutes: Heck, I did not recognize me either. Must. Have. My. Clash. Back.
Suzanne and I recently attended a fundraising auction for Davis District public schools. The theme for the evening was Shoot for the Moon, so I made sure I was slightly theme-y by wearing my space/cosmos Shirt o’ the Evening.
This outing was a first for my goldfish-in-a-baggie earrings. But for me my fave part of any attire I don is the neckwear, of course. I am so proud of this Bow Tie o’ the Day, which was created in Greece with an old bicycle tire inner tube. Excellent details: the bike patch and the tire valve. Some bow ties come close to perfect in terms of creativity, cleverness, materials, and appearance. This one is so close to flawless, but it does have a drawback: It weighs as much as the proverbial albatross around the neck. I can only wear it for short blocks of time. Wearing it for an entire evening was stretching it. People enjoyed it though, and that makes the humpback I got from wearing the heavy masterpiece well worth it.
Anyhoo… We bid on a few items at the auction. I was into the silent auction, which was happening all evening online for the small items. I was able to bid online with my phone. I spent too much money, but I came away the winner of basically six good dates to experience. I scored tickets/gift cards to Tracy Aviary, Clark Planetarium, Ballet West, Sundance Resort Summer Theatre, The Cheesecake Factory, and for a couple of infrared massages. When I say I spent too much money, I’m not really griping about the actual amount of money I spent. I’m griping about the fact that public schools have to go to great lengths to do fundraisers, in order to survive in the first place. That ain’t right.
In one of these photos I’m looking over my shoulder, incredulous at Suzanne, whose hand was almost constantly jumping up into the air to bid on some of the bigly items at the live auction. Somehow Suzanne’s bigly bids got us 2 round-trip airplane tickets to anywhere in the US we want to go, and a new car for a year. Since this is an annual fundraising auction we attend, I plan to duct tape Suzanne’s hands to her chair next year.
BTW I feel kinda bad about not doing a HAIRS THURSDAY post yesterday, but I didn’t have time. I have what I’m sure you’ll agree was a terrific excuse: I got to spend my time visiting with and holding a four-day-old baby girl. You know darn well that was a superior choice to staying home for the purpose of creating a bad hairdo to post. Crazy hair v. four-day-old baby? Spending time with babies always trumps any other choice. You will get details about my new infant friend in a future post.
Look at baby-me and the Bow Ties o’ the Day! Yes, those are bows on each sleeve, as well as one long bow on the front of my dress. Of course. Believe it or not, I really do have vivid memories of this photo being taken. At the time, I was busy making a phone call to my invisible friend, when I decided I’d rather text her. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to text, using a rotary phone? Well, I sure do. 📸 ☎
You know the sunny day of which I wrote this morning? You know the stunning sunniness of this morning when I put on my big, fat, ugly shorts– in which I planned to skip and hokey pokey under the blue sky all the live-long day? Today began innocently and blue-sky enough. And then the afternoon showed up, complete with black clouds, bigly wind, and bigly raindrops. The freshly-emptied garbage and recycling cans at the curb even blew over into the middle of the road. Skitter wouldn’t go for her walkie. For a brief moment, I thought I was living in always-windy Delta again.
Anyhoo… As far as I’m concerned, the bulk of this stinkin’ day’s stinkin’ weather stunk. This is Stinkin’ Tie o’ the Stinkin’ Afternoon, and I’m the stinkin’ skunk in the stinkin’ fluorescent green gas mask, trying to avoid the rest of today’s stinkin’ weather.
Got some swingin’ clash going on today. Bow Tie o’ the Day has already helped show off my outfit at my TMS treatment. (26 sessions down, 10 to go.)
It’s looking like an actual Spring day outside. Plenty of sun. A touch of warmth. I can wear my shorts– the style of which Suzanne and I have referred to since the 80’s as my “big, fat, ugly” shorts. I have a pair of pants like them too. Both are way too big for me, but they have lots of bigly pockets. They hold as much as a carry-on suitcase, I kid you not. That’s why I never needed to own a purse. I’ll do a post with my big, fat, ugly shorts/pants soon. I didn’t even think of it until I wrote this paragraph.
The hat I’m wearing in this snapshot is too girly for me, which means it’s Suzanne’s. I bought it for her last September when we were at the beach on Dauphin Island, AL. It is a humongous sunhat. It has the “wingspan” of a bald eagle. Just guess the most memorable thing about Suzanne’s hat on that trip. Yup, you’ve come up with the correct answer if you guessed the hat highlight was getting it onto the plane to come home. Did you hear me when I said it is a large hat? It is officially sombrero-size. The hat couldn’t go in a suitcase, and we already had the max of what we could carry onto the plane with us.
So Suzanne wore her hat onto the plane, where we hoped no airline person would tell us the hat was just one thing too many. When we walked down the plane’s aisle to our find our seats, that dang hat brim touched both sides of the plane. It nearly decapitated a number of passengers as Suzanne passed by. And then when we found our seats and sat down, the hat had to go somewhere during the flight. We tried to put it under the seat in front of me. It didn’t fit, of course. I kind of hovered my feet above it to hide it when the flight attendants walked by.
Suzanne and I made it home to Utah. The sunhat made it home with us, where it now lives in the closet with my gangster fedora, hogging half the closet. And the closet is a walk-in. Since the sunhat moved in, all of my hats (except for the fedora) had to move from the closet to The Tie Room. I’m so “glad” I bought Suzanne that hat.
In this morning’s post, I admitted I might be having some TMS side effects, cuz what I did yesterday does not resemble how I am, in the least. When I started writing TIE O’ THE DAY a couple of years ago, I said I would always be as honest as possible about my circus life– good and bad. And I’m here to tell you I embarrassed even my neckwear yesterday. Only Suzanne and I know first-hand I was a jerk, but still… I was wrong.
So….. yesterday afternoon Suzanne and I had a minuscule non-Mother’s-Day-related tiff about when to binge-watch IN PLAIN SIGHT and when to do serious napping before going to dinner. Yes, the set-to was that stoopid! But you know how it goes: One of you says a kinda not nice thing; and then the other person says a kinda not nice thing; and pretty soon you’re both swept up in a huge tornado of immaturity. (Do not pretend you haven’t done it too.) I blame the TMS, cuz I don’t want to blame myself.
Before I knew it, I was in my car alone, driving to SLC to the restaurant where I had earlier in the week made Mother’s Day dinner reservations for us.
I sat and ate dinner on the patio at CURRENT all by myself, crying in my halibut. (The halibut was excellent, BTW.) The whole time I was there I kept looking at the Find Friends app on my phone to see if Suzanne’s phone had left the house to come eat with me. Nope. She and her phone stayed home. I understood. Heck, even I didn’t want to be around me.
Thus, today I chose my world map Bow Tie o’ the Day as a way to express my current title of Official Ass Of The World. And I felt my offense yesterday was so childish and egregious that I also deserve to be awarded 1/2 of a trophy– to memorialize my Official Ass Of The World title.
This fine trophy is actually my 1980 Miss Liberty 1st Attendant trophy, whose top statue has long since broken off. I don’t know why this little treasure hasn’t been lost in my life’s moves. I have lost important documents and photos in almost every housing move I’ve made, but this broken trophy always finds its way to wherever I live, making itself at home. Perhaps it has stayed with me since 1980 just to fulfill its ultimate destiny as my Official Ass Of The World trophy, which I’m sure will stick around until the minute I die. I might as well get it re-engraved with my current title.
Today I’m sporting a velvet, floppy butterfly Bow Tie o’ the Day. It’s blue and blue, as you can see. I do not own many neckwear items in solid colors. They have a tendency to be matchy, and you know how I feel about attire that matches. Solid colors make me feel like the Not-Me.
Speaking of “Not-Me,” I think I’m having some minor, but weird, side effects from my TMS treatments. Again, there’s nothing to worry about, and I have no proof it’s even related to the treatment anyway. But when Suzanne and I were at Walmart buying dog food on Saturday, I began to experience a jittery manic episode– the exact likes of which I have not felt before.(I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Doesn’t everybody feel manic when they walk into a Walmart?” Har, har, har.)
This particular soul-fidget was nowhere near the worst I’ve ever gone through. It was actually quite manageable, though even the smallest bout of mania is always a bit dangerous and scary. We came home, and I got through it. Suzanne spied on me wherever I went in the house for the rest of the day, to make sure I wasn’t going to do something crazy-headed like throw all my Sloggers in the garbage. (Minor mania means I do minor weird stuff. Bigly mania means… you don’t wanna know.) My car keys somehow disappeared from their key hook for the rest of the day, as well. Suzanne, too, moves in mysterious ways. I thank her for that.
Yesterday, Mother’s Day, I still couldn’t focus enough to write posts. And then I did a thing– which was really done by my Not-Me. It was a thing so unlike anything the “real me” would ever do. But y’all will have to wait until the next post to read about my transgression. I’m still trying to figure out how to write about “my bad” in such a way that I don’t end up looking like an ass– if that’s at all possible.
Flowery Bow Tie o’ the Day and Suzanne and Skitter and I made a quick trek to Delta, to visit this old dame– the original Helen Wright– at Millard Care and Rehab for a few hours. Mom was in the highest of spirits, as is her usual demeanor. She has a zest for life which makes me tired sometimes. She goes and goes, and goes some more. She makes me need a nap. I love her!
Did I mention Mom loves Skitter? Did I mention Mom adores Suzanne? Did I mention Mom has finally learned to tolerate me? I’m an acquired taste.
Actually, Mom has always loved me far more than I deserve. But I’ll take it.
Bow Tie o’ the Day is providing Mom with some early Mother’s Day flowers. We’re starting to honor the Queen Bee Mother a couple of days early, just because we want to.
I’m guessing this portrait of Mom was taken around 45 years ago, in the early 70’s. Her hair has the “height” she always said she needed it to have. She probably wants extremely high hair now that she’s shrinking. I don’t care how much she shrinks, she’s still the Big Helen. At 88, she’s still larger than life.
I’ve spent my conscious life hearing, from those in and out of the family, about things they’ve witnessed Mom do. I’ve heard about food she made; jokes she played; quilts she made; what she said that left the crowd in laughter; opinions she expressed, whether anyone wanted to know what she thought or not; etc. She’s a wild woman with a wild heart. She’s generous and kind. Of course, if you know Mom, you already know that.
More than once in my life, friends– some of whom haven’t even met Mom in person– jealously commented to me about Mom. I’ve heard, “I wish my mother would send home-baked cookies across the country to me.” And I’ve heard, “I wish my mother talked to me like your mom talks to you.” One of my more envious friends even said about Mom, “I wish my mother loved me like your mother loves you.”
I feel sad some of my friends didn’t have what I’ve always had. I think everybody should be loved like Mom loves me.
Aside from collecting neckwear, I spend some of my time in search of relaxation for Suzanne’s aches and pains, as well as for my stoopid, bipolar head. I seek out off-the-wall relaxation opportunities, on my quest to find something effective. Suzanne and I do like a fine massage, but I’m also willing to try just about anything else that mellows us out– both body and psyche. Heck, I try weird stuff simply to have new experiences. You already probably know that about me. Having a fresh adventure is enough reason to dive into it.
Wood, magnet-clasp Bow Tie o’ a Month Ago went with us on one of our attempts at relaxation. For Valentine’s Day, I gave Suzanne (and myself) a session at The Salt Cave, which is one offering at Awaken Wellness– a New Age-y wellness center in South Ogden. A few weeks after V-Day, we finally found some time to put the event on our schedule.
I didn’t know anyone who had been to The Salt Cave, so we had no idea what to really expect– except salt. I don’t even remember how I discovered the place existed. I scored a Groupon coupon for the 45-minute session, so it wouldn’t bankrupt me all for nothing if it turned out to be a letdown. All we had to go on was the photo and info I found online.
The Salt Cave is not an actual cave, but it felt like one when we were in it. It was a room about the size of a small bedroom. What appears in the photograph to be sand covering the floor, is salt. The lighting was extremely low. The pyramid in the wall was constructed with bricks of salt, and it glowed like a low-ember fire.
We sat in zero-gravity chairs. Calming music played, which we were told was programmed with “corrective healing frequencies, binaural beats, and isochronic tones.” Whatever that means. I don’t know if the music “healed” me, but it did help me mellow out.
For the duration of the session, a medical device called a halogenerator dispersed salt into the air. We couldn’t see the salt, but we felt it in our noses. I can say it felt like my nasal passages were clearing themselves out. Salt air has long been thought to improve respiratory ailments, as well as other health issues. We left with a faint layer of salt on our clothes. You can sort of see it on my hat.
The Salt Cave wasn’t magic, but we enjoyed our time in it. We certainly got relaxed. We were kinda sad when the session was finished, and I think we’d go again. It doesn’t matter that the experience was not profound and life-altering. It was fun.
After our session was complete, I was parched for salt. I needed plain old Lay’s potato chips. I did not lick the salt pyramid which was built into the wall. But I thought about it.
Perhaps for Christmas, Suzanne will give me my own salt lick to install in The Tie Room. Better yet, I would like enough salt licks to install one on at least one wall in every room in the house. And in my truck. And in my car. I don’t think it’s asking too much to have a permanent salt lick with me when I travel.
