Month: January 2019

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Oh, Happy Day!

I successfully finished my prescribed physical therapy for my stoopid rotator cuff this morning. I’ve been PT-ing for two months, and I am pleased to report my shoulder has full motion and is no longer painful and incapacitating. I have an exercise routine I’ll need to faithfully continue to do in order to keep my roto cuff in shape, but I’m done visiting the physical therapist twice a week.

In celebration of this delightful news, I’ve got some bright colors going on. Bow Tie o’ the Day is especially joyous. Its colors and fabric design are based on the incredible stained glass windows in Chartres Cathedral in Chartres, France. I’ve seen plenty of photos of them, but I think I could handle seeing the stained glass windows of the cathedral in person. Maybe it wouldn’t kill me.

Suzanne spent time in Europe twice when she was a young whippersnapper in the 80’s. She has always wanted to take me there for a long-ish vacation. She especially wants to show me London. Now that Rowan is no longer a child and is out of the house, we can certainly go if we want to. And, of course, Skitter loves to have Suzanne’s sister, Marjorie, stay here with her when we’re off somewhere, so leaving the Skit is not an issue. It is I who have been the hold-out.

First, I’ve never cared much for doing bigly travel. I did spend a fantastic two weeks drinking beer all over Ireland 20 years ago, but I’d rather take many short jaunts, instead of fewer major jaunts. I’m fine with just seeing mostly non-touristy, out-of-the-way cubbyholes of the U.S. of A., which I can find anywhere we go.

Second, with Mom being so old (88-and-a-damn-1/2), I haven’t felt comfortable with the idea of being an ocean away from her for an extended period of time. I’ve consistently told Suzanne I won’t go out of the country until after Mom passes away. But the other day, for some reason I started to feel differently about it. I told Suzanne we didn’t need to put off going on a European adventure anymore, because I think Mom will probably live another 88-and-a-damn-1/2 years. We’ll die before she does, so we might as well renew our passports now, and start saving and planning to go wherever and whenever we want.

But we’ll certainly buy travel insurance.

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Because It Showed Up In The Mail

Tie o’ the Day helped me be kinda matchy as I dressed up in my version of black-tie attire for a night in the city of Salt. Yes, I wore my black-and-white harlequin cape. (Apparently, I also wore a creepy face.)

I don’t know if this happens where you live, but we often get impersonal, bulk mail invitations in the mailbox to attend retirement, investment, insurance, or time-share seminars. They lure you with a free meal. You show up, listen to their pitch, then you get your free food.

When we got one of these retirement seminar invitations recently, I said to my weird self, “Hey, this thing will qualify as a Weird Date Night.” I immediately made reservations. I told Suzanne to put WEIRD DATE on her calendar for that evening, and I didn’t tell her anything about what we would actually be doing. A few days before the event was scheduled to happen, I finally had to inform her of the particulars so she’d know how to dress, and she’d know to not chow down on anything bigly that day.

We’ve never done this type of Weird Date Night before, and we probably won’t do it again. It’s not right to show up to hear about something we have no interest in doing, and then eat for free. But we like new experiences– especially if they’re out of the ordinary. And if they include free food, that’s an enticing bonus.

This particular seminar was happening at Ruth’s Chris Steak House, so it was a no-brainer. I knew up front that part of signing up for this sales pitch meant the company would call us and email us to “follow-up” the next day, which they did. And they will again, I’m sure. Small price to pay for a free salmon dinner. Small price to pay for a Weird Date Night.

The “product” these organizers were pitching was their expertise in retirement planning. I slept through their presentation hour, but with my eyes politely open. When my head nodded in my dozing, I’m sure it just looked to everyone like I was agreeing with the presenters. I’ve been in so many unnecessary, dull work meetings in the course of my life that I am an expert in covert, eyes-open sleep-listening.

In the final analysis, Suzanne said the retirement seminar was actually quite helpful. She’s in charge of our retirement, so I’ll believe her. She’s the money maven.

The seminar was helpful to me too. I got a nap, and I got to put my cheesecake dessert in a Ruth’s Chris take-out bag, so I could go home and further gorge myself for free.

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Mom Was Spot-on Today

Bow Tie o’ the Day joined me and Skitter on a scenic drive to Delta to visit Mom at MCR. Skitter traipsed around the halls in her red plaid bow tie collar, her cowboy hat, and her camo coat. Of course, she was a hit. Wherever she goes, Skitter is always ready to be in a pageant. She’s a star. But Mom’s stardom towers over all of us. She was in bigly feisty, funny form this morning.

Mom’s blood sugar has been excessively high for the last few weeks. When her nurse came to check Mom’s sugar numbers, she asked which finger Mom wanted her to prick today to get some blood for testing. Well, Mom was her usual smart-ass self. She immediately said, “Which finger do you use to flip the bird? I want to use that one. Is this the right one?” She had it exactly right. These pictures are proof.

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Pet Peeve Alert!

Bow Tie o’ the Day presents a map of the planet, and Shirt o’ the Day presents the heavens above us. They are a perfect pairing for me to present something which ticks me off to the moon and back. My peeve? The general thoughtless incivility which seems to have crept into every nook, cranny, and pothole of public and private discourse– from grocery store chit chat to politics, and every other kind of conversation or op-ed in between. It’s so often childish in the sense of being rude, crude, inaccurate, and just plain mean.

That got me thinking about how we say everyone is a child of God. Do we really believe that? I don’t think we always treat others as if they’re as much a child of God as we think we are. In fact, at times, I’m starting to be uncomfortable with terms like “child of God.” And it’s more and more difficult for me to be comfortable with any statement whose gist is that “We are all God’s children.” Nope. Those words and sentiments don’t really resonate for me completely, with the way we behave toward each other right now.

Don’t get your feathers in an uproar about what I just wrote. Of course, I know there is a difference between being “childlike” and being “childish.” Childlike = good. Childish = unacceptable. That’s not my problem.

Here’s the thing. I think we should add another term to be spoken with as much fervor as we say “child of God,” and it should be “adult of God.” We should grow up. We should become civil to one another– whether it’s in politics; in the drive-thru line at Burger King; or even in the crowded pool lane where you’re swimming laps. Let’s grow up. Let’s be considerate and say “please” and “thank you.” And let’s mean it. Be a child of God who acts like an adult of God.

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Sabbath Stuff

First of all, that isn’t dandruff you can see in my hair. I’m liking the slicked-back hair look right now, but I cannot find a gel that doesn’t become flakey throughout the day. If anyone can suggest a product to help me out on this, please let me know. Flaking hair gel is not the look I’m trying to achieve. (I’ve tried pomades, but they’re too greasy and don’t hold my hair in place.)

I went to Provo yesterday to attend Bishop Travis’ ward. He’s always been a swell nephew. Travis is a superb speaker, and a listener can’t help but learn a lesson or eight from him, whether they want to or not. Whenever we visit Bishop Travis’ ward, I and my SWWTRN sit by his wife, Bishopette Collette. Collette always notices and comments on my bow ties and/or cufflinks, which makes me get a swelled head and causes me to feel way cooler than I really I am.

The reason I chose to wear my Skittles Bow Tie o’ the Day to church is because everybody knows you have to be prepared with a stash of little treats in Sacrament Meeting. Treats must be strategically parceled out to keep the antsy small children quiet. I’m a bigly kid and don’t need to snack at church, but I still like having the idea of candy. Just wearing the representation of candy is enough to keep me under control.

Eating mints helps shut me up and keeps me from bawling and running down the aisles too. I like to suck on mints during church meetings. I don’t know why. It’s just a habit. Mints aren’t treats though. I have proof: Kids know treats and if you give a kid an Altoid, it gets spit out almost immediately. Thus, mints are not treats.

My Rubik’s Cube Cufflinks o’ the Day are also appropriate to wear to church. Church is one of the places you can go to figure out answers to your existential questions: Why am I here? What’s the point of everything? How can I make my life have meaning? etc..

These questions and their answers are a kind of puzzle, and we have to shuffle ideas around in our heads and hearts, in order to put existential concepts together in a way that makes sense to us. As we go through difficult experiences and changes in our lives, the puzzle can get shuffled around. We find ourselves having to take it apart, make adjustments, then put it back together to make sense of it again. If we’re honest with ourselves, we can admit that we have to re-do our puzzle work to some degree many times. That’s called being a mortal human being.

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And Another Red Carpet Possibility

And then I saw this Mary Poppins-esque outfit! It even comes with its own Tie o’ the Day. I especially dig the Army boots. I can see them kickin’ bigly fashion butt at the Academy Awards. Julie Andrews won the Best Actress Oscar for her role as Mary Poppins, and I’m sure this kind of attire had something to do with that triumph. That’s what makes this get-up one of my Red Carpet options.

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Maybe. I Dunno.

Yesterday I chose my Oscars gown, but then… look what I found. This is sooooo me! I’m reconsidering my Red Carpet attire. How could I not? Bow Tie o’ the Day hopes I’ll choose this outfit instead of the dress, so it can escort me to the event. But the gown I showed you yesterday is fabulous too. I’m not sure of my choice anymore. I’m being wishy-washy again.

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Physical Tie-rapy

Tie o’ the Day and I showed up at what I thought would be my last day at Physical Therapy, but I was wrong. I guess I will be attending one more week of shrugging, pointing my wood “wand,” and yanking on a bigly rubber band. I’ll just have to deal with it.

Tie was the cause of a minor commotion at PT. It was the first time I had worn a tie and not a bow tie to PT. Someone asked me a question about why the change, and then that turned into more questions about how the tie got so tiny. I explained it was a kid tie. The office assistant asked where she could buy some of the shrimpy critters for her kids, and I told her I got mine at Seagull Book. That prompted somebody else to stand all amazed and chime in to ask if I was LDS. Well, my answer to that question turned into a whole sprawling novel. And before I knew it, I had mentioned TIE O’ THE DAY.

Before I left PT, a few of the folks had already been on their phones, checking out the website for themselves. And when I got home to write a post, I noticed the website had grown by two more subscribers, from my day at PT. Apparently, I am a dynamic missionary.

Well, okay then.