Day: November 23, 2018

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Is Defense Allowed In Football Anymore? The Scores Are Higher Than Suzanne’s Fabric Bill.

These football Ties o’ Day are here to tell you that it is my firm belief the Christmas season begins with the football games on Thanksgiving. I should also say that Thanksgiving football could only be better if the Dallas Cowboys didn’t play every year. Ewwwww. That’s also my firm belief. (Go, Seahawks!)

We don’t do a bunch of Black Friday store-goin’– except for Suzanne annually spending the day after Tgiving at JOANN’s with her JOANN’s coupons. She’s there right this minute. I got a text from her about an hour after she’d entered the store, and she told me there still wasn’t a shopping cart available. Poor girl. She was carrying bolts of fabric in her arms, up and down the aisles. I offered to bring her a sled to haul her dry goods. She did text me after she’d been there another hour or so to say she finally got a cart, which means she can buy more material than she can carry. Oh, joy.

Suzanne is incredibly clever about the way things work at JOANN’s. For example, she knows that when it’s busy you have to take a number to get your material cut. What does Suzanne do? She doesn’t shop for her fabric first. Nope. She takes a number the minute she walks in, then  shops. Her number this morning was 02, and the cutters were on customer 71. Yay! Suzanne is only 31st in line for the scissors-wielding clerks. That’s better than some other years. Today, she’s been gone for almost four hours so far. JOANN’s is only two blocks from our house, so none of it is travel time.

I’m hoping she buys material for a cape. I really, really need her to sew me a new cape or two. It is the season of giving, you know. And I especially love her hand-made gifts. Capes are the grooviest. Did I say I want a cape for before-Christmas? Consider it said. Can you tell I want a cape? If you see Santa, please put in a good word about a new cape for me. And if you see Suzanne, do the same. I will never, ever ask her for anything again in my whole life if she will make me a cape. Cape, cape, cape. Hint, hint, hint.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY:  17 Bow Ties. 45 Neckties.

 

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Gaining A Pound Or Ten Over The Holidays Is To Be Expected

Tie o’ Yesterday’s hearty feast might give you the idea that we gobbled TV dinners for our turkey day meal, but that is not even close to the case. Suzanne and I decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by eating out. Not at McDonald’s . We had mid-day reservations for the billion-dollar Thanksgiving buffet at BAMBARA in SLC. We grazed and supped and grazed some more. We grazed until our grazers were sore. We were farctated. (Look it up.)

In fact, you’re seeing Tie o’ Yesterday all by itself in this photo because by the time we left BAMBARA, I was too rotund to fit in a selfie. I kid you not. The offerings were so yummy I ate three regular-size plates of food, plus one small plate of food. And then I hoovered up two plates of desserts. (Trust me. Suzanne kept up with me, plus she drank most of a bottle of what she reported to be a tasty bottle of an Idaho wine. It did smell good.)

I didn’t think you’d believe me about how much I ate, so I took notes as I chewed. I made a list of the foods I consumed, so here goes: shrimp; lobster; crab; scallops; oysters; grilled veggies; red quinoa salad; baby spinach with Stilton cheese and pomegranates; breaded baked mac and cheese; heirloom carrots; mashed potatoes; bacon and bleu cheese, potato, squash gratin; brioche, leek, and foie gras stuffing; roasted cauliflower with truffle and parmesan; turkey; king salmon; and a roll.

And then it was time for dessert. Here’s the list of confections I swallowed: an eclair; peanut butter cheesecake; an espresso tart; pecan pie in a chocolate crust; a macaroon; blueberry cake-bread; and raspberry, caramel date cake. I didn’t have room for the carrot cake and the pumpkin pie I had hoped to eat. I felt so sad about missing out on those two offerings. (Again, Suzanne kept up, and she even had enough room left for the pumpkin pie.)

Oh, and I drank three Diet Cokes.

I’m thinking Suzanne and I should head back to BAMBARA’s next Thanksgiving shindig. I’m positive we won’t need to eat again until then, so we’ll save enough on our food budget for the next year to be able to afford to attend again.

Last night I had to sleep it off– all that rich food and my Diet Coke’s. I’m pleased I didn’t wake up with a food-over this morning because Suzanne wants me to drive her to the JOANN sale ASAP, and I need to have a clear head for that excursion. If my brain’s a little hazy at JOANN’s, I will never see my debit card again. Must. Stay. Alert. At. JOANN’s.

HOLIDAY TIE TALLY: 17 Bow ties. 40 Neckties.