Witty & Wise Ties, Trivia & Lies
Myrt Gardner informed me June is National Dairy Month. She requested a tie post about it. I discovered I don’t own a tie covered in bovine-ness. I sent Suzanne to JOANN’s immediately, to buy some cow fabric. She’s promised to make me a cow tie for next June, so you’re seeing Tie o’ the Day o’ the Future. Here are my cow-print Sloggers, which are really garden shoes, but I wear a pair every day. I even have a chicken-print pair. And yes, I collect Sloggers too. 🐄 🥛 🧀
That night when you have insomnia so you put on Ascot o’ the Day and drive to Walmart for no reason because you don’t need a darn thing so you prowl the aisles to find something to amuse you and you begin to feel like you’re just a loitering transient wearing an ascot and then you’re in the infant section and you remember you need to buy a gift for a baby shower and you’re you so of course you decide to give Butt Paste. 👶 Yeah. That night.
Bow Tie o’ the Day traveled south on I-15 with us, chauffeuring Mom. We sashayed along, then we saw two mutts in a truck bed ahead. Their ears flapped. Their fur blew. Suddenly, doggie “afternoon delight” ensued. We hoped Mom didn’t see. And then…Big Helen capped off the scene with perfect wit. She said, “Well, those two dogs just can’t wait until they get home, can they?” Yup, that’s my mother. Even though her mind has begun to delete some things, she can still access her file titled WIT. 🤣
ALERT!!! Morbid, but funny anecdote ahead. Bow Tie o’ the Day was present when I told Suzanne that if I die during surgery, I apologize that we just spent $2,000 on my hearing device I will have had for only a month. You know from these posts that I find a joke everywhere. Life is difficult, and funniness helps. I do take serious things seriously. There are times when things get so heavy you have to scream. And there are times when a joke can lighten a burdensome fear. 🙀 🤣
Yup, Bow Tie o’ the Day was at STANZA last night. (This pic’s a copycat of last week’s photo here.) I dressed “black tie,” making it a formal affair. My hat’s zippy color added a touch of clash to my clashy-fashiony self. While driving to/from the restaurant, we sang along to The Lumineers’ CLEOPATRA cd, in its entirety. That’s my kind o’ opera! I’m thankful Suzanne forgives my hazmat singing voice. 🎼 Geez! When I really think about it, I’m thankful she forgives me for a lot of things. 😁 💿
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I debated whether or not to have my PANCREATICODUODENECTOMY. If I were alone, I’m pretty sure I’d skip the surgery, and just mosey on along until my mosey-er couldn’t mosey anymore. But I’m not alone. I profoundly affect Suzanne’s happiness meter. I’ve been clear with her that my surgery is for her, far more than it is for me. We would all die for our families. But do we LIVE for them– really, really LIVE for them, every day? We should. 🤠 👨👩👧👦 👩👩👦 👨👨👧👦 👨👧👦 👨👩👧👧 👩👦 👨👩👧👧, etc.
Colonel Sanders Bow Tie o’ the Day and I hate waiting, even when surgery is only 2 weeks away. I’m a tough broad, like my Sister Who Wishes To Remain Nameless, but I admit I’m kinda scared. (Not scared of the surgery itself, cuz I’ll be asleep. 🤡) To distract myself from thinking about the seriousness of the operation, I’m listing things I’ll need/want in the hospital. Notebooks, pens, books, Skitter, a DNR, etc. One thing I am NOT packing is a bra! Ah, the pure, blissful freedom of being bra-less! 🗒 🖋
Bow Tie o’ the Day and I have two weeks before I’m on an operating table, so I’m making a “Surgery Bucket List.” (I’m not being morbid.) What do I want to do before Knife Day? I mean– I have no idea how long I’ll be out of commission. Heck, I might miss summer activities altogether. So far, my list reads: Eat at STANZA. Do an hours-long bike ride. Eat at STANZA again. Swim every day. Play on Antelope Island. Eat at STANZA again. My list will certainly grow. 📋 😸
Surgery happens Thursday, June 28th @ Huntsman. I’m sure you’re worried TIE O’ THE DAY will cease tblogging along while I’m in the hospital. Don’t worry your pretty, little tie hearts. I’m teaching Suzanne how to post to the website if/when I can’t. See, I know what’s important to us all, and tie tales top our list. I’m selecting ties for the hospital stay, and they are not excited about staying in there. But they’ll enjoy eating my hospital jello and playing with the ever-present liquid soap pumps. 🥄 🏥 🛌
Sometimes, a single bow tie isn’t enough. Bow Tie o’ the Day is perfect for such times. I counted over 100 bow ties– front, plus back– on this piece. Groups of bow ties are called “schools,” just like with fish. I took this little school of bow ties on an end-of-year field trip to have lunch with Suzanne at the park near her office– where we romped around on the playground equipment. Bow Tie and I monkey around enough that it was nice to have actual monkey bars. 🐒 🍫 🍫