Month: March 2018

Posted on

I’ve Always Known She’s Stubborn, But…

Bow Tie o’ the Day declares it’s official: Suzanne doesn’t just have strength of character. She also has strength of kidney stones! Today, her humongous kidney stone defeated the Laser o’ Lithotripsy. I’ve always known Suzanne was tough, with a big splash of stubbornness. I just didn’t know she passed these qualities on to her kidney stones. This particular stone is 3.2 cm long, and the doc says she’s been creating it for years. The lithotripsy laser was unable to blow it to smithereens. What’s next? Dunno. ⛰ 🏋️‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️

Posted on

When They’re Nervous, Make ‘Em Laugh

This Tie o’ the Day is an answer to any “what-kinda-tie-do-I-wear-today?” question. This morning we’re venturing to the hospital, where Suzanne’s bigly, gnarly kidney stone will be lasered into tinier, gnarly stones for her to pee out of her system. This procedure, called LITHOTRIPSY, is a new chapter in Suzanne’s book o’ kidney stones adventures. The next few weeks of peeing rocks will be fruitful for Suzanne though: She can add to her collection of past, passed gems. But unlike me, Suzanne doesn’t wear what she collects. 😱 💎

Posted on

Trees Can Bear Fruit, But Can’t Grow Interest

Bow Tie o’ the Day tidied the house, and discovered our money tree died. The tree was a got-hitched gift four years ago. I thought I couldn’t kill this plant, but I did. I insist we don’t use the money to purchase any kind of living or inanimate greenery. I’m thinking we oughta buy either a new dryer or a sailboat. Suzanne gets seasick, but not dryer sick, so I can guess which thing she’ll vote for. Her vote’s the one that counts. She’s our Electoral College. 🤢 ⛵

Posted on

Like Gravity, This Is A Scientific Law

This is what transpires every time Bow Tie o’ the Day and I go shopping at JoAnn’s with Suzanne: She says she just needs one thing, so I go inside with her and look around. And then her cart keeps filling up, and I can see it’s gonna take some bigly time. I go wait in the car, where I listen to Wilco or The National or P!nk, while eating licorice, and snapping pix for TIE O’ THE DAY. She takes even longer at Mom’s Crafts. 🛒 🙄

Posted on

Can You Spell “Leprechaun”?

It’s the green neckwear’s fave time of year. Tie o’ the Day begins our meandering to St. Paddy’s Day, and my Hat o’ the Day lends a hand. Feel the verdant clash happen! If you haven’t driven across Ireland, you must go. If you like tasting a multitude of beers, you REALLY must go. Irish cuisine is horrible, but I don’t recommend you fast for your entire vacation. Instead, I recommend you eat Banoffee Pie every meal. It’s basically layers of bananas, chocolate, and toffee. Yummerful! 🍌 🍫 🍽

Posted on

Ain’t Nuthin’ Wrong With That

Tie o’ the Day is a clever masterpiece: a plywood tie. I call it my white trash/redneck tie. When I lived back East, I noticed a certain snootiness some people had towards the West. It was, like all prejudice, a bias formed out of ignorance. They hadn’t been there, and they didn’t know any Westerners. I learned to embrace my “redneck-ness” and my small-town-ness. I set them straight. And the first thing I did when I moved back to Delta? Threw a mattress on my front porch. 🛏 🤠

Posted on

I’m A Hungry Hermit

Bow Tie o’ the Day and I discovered we need to make a grocery list. I don’t go grocery shopping until I absolutely have to, and the fridge and pantry are bare. Almost. In the fridge’s bottom compartment, sits one lonely, perfect package of Johnsonville Stadium Brats. In honor of Cufflinks o’ the Day, we’re ecstatic the brats are truly the only food left. See, now we can each eat two or three of them without guilt. Healthy food is for tomorrow. And tomorrow never really exists. 🌭

Posted on

Yes, My Ears Are Still Cold. And It’s March 1st.

Cufflinks o’ the Day are whistling away at the pin-up girls gracing Shirt. Bow Tie o’ the Day is leather. It can’t create clash fashion, but ain’t it snazzy? The smallest things make me happy. I’ve been open about my bipolarity in these posts, so I can’t deny that TIE O’ THE DAY is sometimes the only reason I can crawl out of bed. I have no clue how my offbeat mind came up with the idea. But it works for me. It gives me purpose. 😉