Month: February 2018

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Somebody’s Gotta Do The Housework For The Ties

Here’s a two-fer! Tie o’ the Day and Lapel Pin o’ the Day are the same. Classic split personality, aka Dissociative Identity Disorder. When cleaning toilets and baseboards, wear as short a tie as possible. You don’t want the tail end of your tie swimming in the potty, and you don’t want it skating across grimy baseboards. If a long tie is underfoot when changing ceiling air filters, you’re in bigly danger. Wearing bow ties is safe for doing housework. Tie/Pin is even less treacherous. And sillier. 🚽 😜

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Eating A Steak Is Not As Uncomplicated As You Think

I grabbed my trusty, heavy iron skillet Cufflinks o’ the Day so we can cook up a steak. There are rules about eating steak, and the numero uno rule is that you must drink Diet Coke when you’re eating one. Yes, it is too a rule! Lo and behold, Tie o’ the Day discovered we’re soooo out of Diet Coke. We must hie to Dick’s Market to buy a bunch. Some rules are breakable without throwing the world into chaos. But the Diet-Coke-with-steak rule isn’t one of them. 🐄

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Your Tie Eyes Are Getting Sleepy… Sleeeeeeepy

Bow Tie o’ the Day– with matching ‘Links– is why wood exists. What a happy use for trees! We should plant trees to honor dead trees’ neckwear sacrifices, so future generations can create more wooden bow ties. Today, I was so mesmerized by Bow Tie’s hypnotic waves that it compelled me to become a dues-paying member of Bow SelecTie’s WOODEN-BOW-TIE-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB! I said to myself, “Self, why didn’t I think of joining the club myself?”. My self said, “Because you were lost, but now you are found.” 📪 🤡

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Even Ties Need To Take A Step Back

Long Bow Tie o’ the Day is exhausted and exasperated. Look at its little cogs turning for relief. And I feel the same way, as do my own cogs. Why? We are sick of FEAR and PARANOIA. Even our Cufflinks think they should become extinct. We are sick of the shouting of internet memes that rant, “My politics are right. Yours will doom us all!” Spouting paranoia is not a factual, well reasoned argument that presents possible solutions to problems. Everything is not out to get us! Everything is not a conspiracy!

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It’ll Be Prison Visit Windows Or Fast Food Windows, If Ya Don’t Wise Up

Tie o’ the Day’s snazzy clash with Shirt is serendipitous, cuz I didn’t purposely match colors. I grabbed the first tie and the first shirt I touched in the closet. Cufflinks were definitely a conscious choice. In Baltimore, I often talked with law-breaking students about making better choices. I’d tell them, “If you don’t start making positive choices, when we see each other in the future, it’ll be at The Windows of Life. And you’re gonna be asking me, ‘Do you want fries with that’?” 🍔 🍟 Education matters. 🎓

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Ah, The Days Of Wine And Roses

Bow Tie o’ the Day is a beachy, pastel green thing, posing with a wee Chardonnay bottle. I got this wine in Monterey for Suzanne, and she thought it was too cute to not haul home — empty, of course. I guesstimate the bottle holds three swallows of wine — not even enough to get a beach buzz. So I got Suzanne four of them. The bottle is plastic, so it is allowed the beach. Wine is not a temptation for me, but I still miss tasty microbrew beers. 🍺 🍷

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Suzanne Promised To Make Me A Cape. So Where Is It?

Tie o’ the Day and I feel batty. Cufflinks join us in their Batman capes. Added Bonus: The capes’ Bat Signs glow in the dark! We aren’t hangin’ in the Bat Cave, nor are there bats in my belfry. I have a tattoo on my left shoulder that says Mom’s version of a curse word: HELFRY! Yes, it rhymes with BELFRY. That word comes out of her mouth when she’s angry. For example, she might say, “Helfry! Why didn’t those cookies rise like I wanted? Darn flour!” 🍪

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Just Say YES To Hat Control For Suzanne

I’m cozied-up in my pajamas, and my cold ears are wearing a hat Suzanne crocheted. I get compliments on the hat, but its floppiness ain’t me. CAUTION: Although Suzanne crochets wondrous hats, DO NOT ALLOW HER TO PUT ANY HAT ON HER HEAD! Your eyes will never recover. Her noggin isn’t misshapen or anything, but here’s the math: Suzanne + hat = LOOK AWAY!!! We’re watching LIVE PD tonight. That’s our go-to, weekend Date Night activity. LIVE PD is also the reason for these Cufflinks o’ the Day: handcuffs!

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Ties Will Climb, If You Allow Them To

When I bought Tie o’ the Day at the Salvador Dali exhibit in Monterey, I knew it would feel at home in our house when it saw our living room clock. I was correct. I often look up to check the time, and Tie is hangin’ and chattin’ with its clock pal. The Dali painting which inspired Tie is one of his most widely known. It’s called THE PERSISTENCE OF MEMORY, and its melting clocks sometimes remind me of how, over time, Mom’s memories are melting away. 😭

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Southern Utah Ties Were Illegally Smuggled Into My House

Tie/Bow Tie o’ the Day are evidence of a crime. It was committed on my behalf, by my better half. Apparently, my maniacal passion for ties has become a bad influence on the hallowed/haloed Suzanne. While she was in Southern Utah for work this week, she became a flat-out thief — just for me — when she stole these DO NOT DISTURB placards from her hotel room. Honestly, I’m glad she was bad. I’ll be hanging these on doorknobs of rooms I occupy wherever I go, especially My Tie Room!