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The Perfect Mother’s Day Card

Mom has always had a talent for finding just the right card for any occasion. She shopped for cards like they were fine wines. She had a stockpile of hand-picked cards for every possible future event, which she kept in her “card drawer” in her dresser. With this in mind, you can see why giving Mom a card for any occasion has always been a challenge. My goal has always been to give Mom a card she hasn’t seen already, or one she hasn’t already bought and hidden away for her own purposes. I think I have successfully met the challenge this year. This is the Mother’s Day card I’m sending to her. It will hit her funny bone. And, as an added bonus, its message is true.

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Grumble, Grumble

This is one of my fave-rave Mask o’ the Day offerings of the pandemic year. Bow Tie o’ the Day is no style slouch either. I, on the other hand, am a mass of a mess today. For some reason I’m experiencing a convergence of all the characteristics I can’t stand myself to be, if only temporarily: grouchy, prickly, manic, depressed, impatient, agitated, pessimistic, defeated, and trapped. I hate when I feel any of these things—let alone when I feel the whole gamut all at once. Oh heck, I know this little storm o’ negativity will pass. It always does. At the very least, this mix reminds me I’m human, because I know we have all experienced the abyss. I’ve found the best cure is to reach out to help somebody who happens to be worse off—despite our own discomfort. And we all have to cut ourselves a whole lot of slack, too.

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Wearing Breakfast

My dad occasionally got the urge to make a bigly breakfast for me and Mom—his breakfast “stack,” to be precise. I’d hear him in the kitchen shredding potatoes while I was getting ready for school, and I knew I’d soon be eating a yummy, tower o’ food. The frying would quickly commence. Dad’s stack was simple, but perfect: a little olive oil, hash browns, a fried egg, a thin ham steak or bacon, cheese, more hash browns, and green onions—all stacked up high, in just that order. The stacks grew to precarious heights on our plates. It was the Leaning Tower o’ Breakfast. Dad was so very proud of his creation, which he had seen a chef make once in a nice restaurant on one of his bee trips. It’s just another thing I miss about my dad sometimes. My bacon-and-eggs shirt made me think of it today.

Fashion hint: You cannot go wrong with bacon and eggs. Just like they are appropriate for any meal, at any time of day, I believe you must have at least one bacon-and-eggs-themed piece of clothing or accessory. You can wear it anywhere, and people who see you in it will feel magically calmed and nostalgic. Merely seeing bacon-and-eggs fabric can be hypnotizing—like watching puppies or babies. Bacon-and-eggs anything causes pleasant, homey, and tasty memories for just about everyone.🥓🥚

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My Fake Brother’s New Calling

My nephew, Travis, and I grew up more like siblings. One minute I’m holding tiny toddler Travis’ naked butt up against the windshield of his mom’s bouncy Rambler, so he can moon all of Delta’s Main Street traffic—and the next minute, he’s Bishop Travis. And the minute after that, he’s called to be the Stake President. Clearly, I raised him right. 😉

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There’s A Skitter In My Eye

Despite Skitter’s near-constant skittishness, she goes all lovey and kissy if my face gets within two inches of her face. I don’t mind. I just have to wash my face about 9 times a day.

You’ve heard of love/hate relationships? Well, Skitter has a love/fear relationship with most of the things and activities in her life. As I’ve mentioned before, Skitter is askeered of loud noises; sudden movements; anything that moves by itself—be it gadget or human; all other animals; any humans who aren’t me, Mom, or Suzanne; falling leaves; leaves on trees; light; darkness; wind; rain; the vacuum; the car; the truck; the bicycle; the electric recliner; the toaster; the mailbox; and the tv being off. Those are just a few of the things that scare her. And yet, she is a happy dog.

For example, we took Skitter on our walk with us last evening. She was giddy when I got her harness down off the hook and put it on her. She was excited as we headed out the front door. There’s no denying she wanted to go with us, and she ultimately pranced the whole walk. But as she pranced, she also shook and carried her tail between her legs for the entirety of our trek. She had her tail tucked under her belly so tightly that I had to kneel down to double-check to see if it was still attached to her. It was still there, making Skitter’s undercarriage look like she had a muffler. She had a boatload of fun, despite her terror. She says she can’t wait to go with us again.

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A Wave O’ Cross-eyed

The first time I looked at swirling Bow Tie o’ the Day against Shirt o’ the Day’s stripes, I literally—and I mean that word correctly—felt the discomfort of going cross-eyed. Now, that’s superlative clash! 🎡 🎢

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I Finally Got The Call

Bone-and-dog-paw-print Bow Tie o’ the Day is pleased to announce that yesterday I finally got the call-back to schedule my next U of U Hospital medical adventure—which is called lithotripsy. I am so glad to finally have it inked on my schedule. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment I could get for myself is May 24, so it’s back to waiting, waiting, waiting. I’m a patient person, except for all those times when I am not. 😜

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Partying All Through The Oscars Night

When one attends the Academy Awards ceremony, one may choose to switch duds before party-hopping to all the glitzy Oscar after-parties. Since I had already had to shave my legs for my see-through Oscars gown, I chose to wear this leggy number. The party dress was oh-so soft. I felt as if I was wearing my Swiffer duster.

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Or Maybe Not An Oscars Gown

Bow Tie o’ the Day is nearly matchy with this pantsuit. Although it’s not a formal gown, this suit could be a contender for me to wear to the Academy Awards ceremony tomorrow night. If I carry myself along the Red Carpet with the just the right sophisticated attitude, I think I could end up on one of the Best-Dressed-at-the-Oscars lists. For me, the most appealing part of this wearing this outfit is that it appears you’re not supposed to wear a bra with it. Ah, I will be comfy, as well as famous.